A few short decades ago, people who wanted to have children got married, and people who did not want to have children did not get married. Today, this is not necessarily the case. According to government statistics, almost 40% of children were born out of wedlock in the U.S. in 2007. It is unclear how many of these were born to Christian mothers, but the number is likely to be significant. Similarly, in the past, couples who got married expected to remain married for a lifetime. This, too, is not necessarily an expectation of today's married couples. According to Barna research in 2008, 33% of Born-Again non Evangelicals chose to divorce their partners, leaving the children to be raised by unmarried or remarried parent(s). It would seem that marriage no longer has the significance it once held. Divorce, once a taboo in Christian communities, is now often considered a rite of passage. An ever increasing number of Christian couples are deciding to forgo having children at all. Many online Christian bulletin boards now host groups for "Childfree Christians." Both of these trends--raising children without the benefit of married parents and marrying without the benefit of having children--seem far removed from a Biblical view of marriage and family.
The Scripture is clear when discussing Christian marriage. God created males and females and designed them to become "one body" when they marry (Genesis 1:27; 2:24). Jesus affirmed this in the Gospel (Matthew 19:4-5). In spite of the obfuscation in our culture today, human sexual anatomy is fairly simple to comprehend. Furthermore, God created men and women with sexual desire so that when they marry they want to spend all of their time loving and pleasing one another. In time, the married couple becomes so closely bonded that they are as one person. Biologically, their union leads to the possibility of childbirth. Sociologically, their binding forms the basis of a stable social unit that is the foundation for raising children. Of course, God never commanded Christians to get married, though marriage is preferable for couples who have strong sexual desires. Paul addressed this subject in his letter to Corinthians, when he advised that, though some may find celibacy an attainable commitment, most people should marry (1 Corinthians 7:8-9). Essentially, marriage is a covenant between one man and one woman who, through their sexual desires for one another, form an indissoluble bond that is open to God's blessing of fertility. Many of today's Christians, however, are confused about, misinformed about, or rebellious towards the Truth about marriage.
What is so confusing for contemporary Christians about marriage? Today's families hear mixed messages about marriage and sexuality coming from different Christian communities. Those from more traditional backgrounds often hear or come to believe that sexual desire is inherently evil. Consequently, they misunderstand the appropriateness of sexual desire within the context of marriage. Because the topic of sexual desire is so taboo for these Christians, it may be difficult for them to recognize,talk about, and cope with their sinful nature. On many occasions, traditional Christians are surprised to face unwed pregnancies themselves or with their children. At the same time, more progressive Christians are taught or become convinced that sexuality should be celebrated rather than prohibited. These Christians, too, misunderstand the design of sexuality within marriage. They may mistakenly conclude that God encourages His people to experience their genuine sexuality, with few limitations. These communities are more accepting and perhaps encouraging of homosexuality, cohabitation, and unwed pregnancy. Indeed, most Christians are no longer instructed that abstinence, either for a short time or long term, is practical or even possible.
Just as modern Christians receive mixed messages about sexuality, they also are inundated with differing ideas regarding marriage and divorce. An increasing number of Christians believe or accept that there is an exception clause, adultery, that allows for divorce (Matthew 5:32). They also believe that if their marriage is disolved, they are also free to marry again if they so desire. In an effort to support these individuals, church communities establish divorce ministries to aid families, particularly with children, through the often painful transition from one family to another. Both traditional and progressive Christians, at times, struggle with the breakup of one marriage, the emotional well being of the children involved, and the social implications of starting a new family with another spouse--all, in their mind, with God's blessing. A growing number of Christians have adopted the idea that marriage itself is simply "ceremonial" and have resolved themselves not to marry but cohabitate instead. Few Christians, these days, accept that marriage is for life or that, if a divorce is necessary in special circumstances, remarriage is unacceptable.
If ideas regarding marriage and divorce are so relaxed, what must Christians think of their fertility? Most Christians agree that the Bible is silent on matters of fertility such as family size, contraception, and fertility treatments. Because the Scripture does not clearly delineate the specific behaviors that are prohibited, these Christians assert that God gives them latitude in fertility matters. For them curtailing family size with contraception, foregoing childbearing altogether, or subjecting oneself to dangerous medical treatments for infertility are permissible. These couples resoundingly believe that, regardless of the techniques they use to avoid or achieve pregnancy, if they conceive or not, God willed it. A growing number of modern Christians are beginning to question this contemporary approach to fertility. These couples see their fertility as a blessing from God and, in spite of social restraints, are rejecting contraception and dangerous fertility treatments. These Christians welcome the children they have naturally or accept childlessness with humility and thankfulness.
How did modern Christians reach this point where their ideas of marriage and family are contrived and artificial---far removed from Biblical Truth? Christians, like the secular world, are susceptible to a logical fallacy that we call the "two percent trap." People fall into the "two percent trap" by believing that the exceptional cases are the norm. These modern Christians look at sexuality in terms of deviant behavior and then assume that all people, including other Christians, are unable to control their sexual passions and feelings. They see a small percentage of individuals struggling with sexual orientation and conclude that alternative sexual orientations are another norm that should be explored. Likewise, they consider divorce, which once was a rare occurrence, a viable option for an unhappy marriage. In a similar way, as the average family size gradually shrinks, modern Christians simply re-adjust their view of what it means to be married and to have children. In other words, rather than have the Scripture challenge and shape their conception of the world, many Christians allow their understanding of the modern world to distort their understanding of the Bible and the Truth found therein.
(Thanks to Te Deum laudamus! for the beautiful photo above.)
http://te-deum.blogspot.com/2008/01/first-tridentine-wedding-at-grotto-in.html
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