Mid Week Movie Review

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    When I was a growing up, nothing really good came out of Russia except Mikhail Baryshnikov. Back then, it was the USSR, but most people called it the Soviet Union. Whatever it was called, Russia evoked fear and dread. Chernobyl, the KGB, War and Peace—these were the subjects of nightmares. But it's different now. There are some really cool things going on in Russia. Maria Sharapova was the most Googled athlete last year. Prime Minister Valdimir Putin shoots tigers. Well, maybe that's not exactly cool, but it is macho. And now Russia is making crazy science fiction movies. Thanks to Kevin Tracy, who mentioned this movie on his blog, I have become a fan of Russian sci-fi. This movie has it all and, as a bonus, it's full of Christian themes and imagery. The hard part this week is writing a blog about it and not a novel. Oh, yeah. That's been done already.

    Night Watch (R) is a high speed, science fiction, fantasy film based on a series of books by Russian writer Sergei Lukyanenko. In Lord of the Ring's style, the story begins centuries ago with a battle between the Warriors of Light and the Warriors of Darkness. When it becomes clear that they will destroy each other, a truce is called. Each side forms a watch force composed of "Others", humans with supernatural powers, to insure the truce is kept. With both sides policing each other for truce violations, the balance between good and evil remains equal. In present day Moscow, the balance becomes threatened when Anton Gorodetsky (Konstantin Khabenskiy) hires a witch to help him reunite with his estranged wife. The witch informs Anton that, if he consents, his wife will return but her unborn child will be killed. At the moment Anton agrees, he slips into a place called the Gloom where he sees the Light Others arresting the witch for her crimes. He discovers, by accident, that he, too, is an Other. He chooses to join the Light Others and becomes a policeman on the Night Watch. Twelve years later, while hunting vampires, Anton finds his son Yegor (Dmitri Martynov). He also discovers a woman named Svetlana who has been cursed with a vortex of doom. Anton has to use all his strength and skill to save his son and stop the woman from destroying the world.

     In the beginning I was reluctant to write about this movie. I will say that this is not a movie for small children. In fact, I think they will be terrified and have nightmares for weeks. In light of the Twilight popularity, though, I think teenagers will probably love it. I don't think they will be bothered much by the language, and after a few minutes, they will get used to subtitles anyway. I should mention that there is obscene language and one scene of brief frontal nudity. On the whole, though, I believe the entire film can be viewed from a Christian perspective. I was troubled by only one concept—the idea that good and evil must remain in balance or equal. This idea is, in fact, antithetical to Christianity. Keeping that in mind, I still enjoyed the movie and believe that Christians can find ample discussion topics. I think most viewers can pick up on obvious themes like abortion, free will, and good vs. evil. But I did find some other interesting themes lurking behind the gore and special effects.

    The main characters in Night Watch are Others. Each one, at some point, has made a choice to use their abilities for good or evil. Their decision is permanent. The Others are virtually invisible to humans, yet they are around either to protect them from or subject them to evil forces. The Light Others, mostly shape-shifters and seers, intervene when they discover evil forces at work. The Dark Others are mainly vampires and witches who prey on people, enticing them into evil behavior. This concept is very similar to angels and demons. Angels can be found in almost every book of the Scripture. They are protectors, messengers, and guides. Some are mentioned by name. God created the angels before he created man. He created these spiritual creatures to share in the joy of heaven, but God also created them with free will. Unlike humans who can reject and embrace God at any time, the angels may make this choice only once. The angels who visited Sodom and Gomorrah, the Archangel Gabriel who spoke to Mary, and the angels who comforted Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane all made the choice to love God in the heavens. God sends the angels to help do his work on earth. For many Christians, the angels offer them a glimpse of heaven. But there are angels who rejected God. Satan was created one of God's angels. When he recognized that he could never be equal to his Creator, he rejected God. God cast him down from heaven and other rebellious angels joined him. Jesus makes it clear in Matthew 25:41 that Hell was "prepared for the devil and his angels." They can never repent and return to heaven. The devil and his demons have one purpose—to convince humans to reject Christ through sin. Some Christians in current times have a tendency to reject the idea that Satan exists. Other Christians bestow the devil with too much power. This is a good time for Christian parents to remind their teenagers that Satan only has power in their lives if they allow it. There is no power greater than God, the Almighty.

    One central theme in Night Watch is the destructive power of guilt. Anton is consumed by his feelings of guilt regarding his wife's abortion. Even though he is a Light Other, he lives in total darkness. His thoughts often return to the events on the evening he visited the witch. He questions every decision he makes. At times, his guilt is so overwhelming, Anton is not certain that he is doing good. At the same time, the cursed Svetlana has become so distraught by her own guilt feelings that she begins to destroy everything she touches. It is human nature for people to feel guilty over their sinful actions. The reality that the sin causes pain and sorrow, particularly to loved ones, can be debilitating. The Lord knows the detrimental nature of guilt. Therefore He offers forgiveness. Christians often find healing and peace through confession, even when it's offered with private prayer. Christian parents can use this opportunity to share with their teens the need for repentance and the power of God's forgiveness. Illustrations of God's mercy and forgiveness can be found throughout the Scripture.

     I'll admit I was perplexed after I watched Night Watch. When I finished watching it the first time, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. After I logged onto Netflix and put the sequel Day Watch in our queue, I knew I had to blog about it. At first, I wasn't sure what I wanted to say. I thought it was obvious, yet I was confused. I think Christianity is like that sometimes. Some things about Christianity seem so simple. Other Christian concepts seem to defy explanation. That, I suppose, is the Mystery of Christ.

Scarlet Letter Optional

Train a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not part from it.
Proverbs 22:6

 

    Children do the strangest things. They put pop tarts in the mail box. They clean the bathroom mirror with shaving cream. They feed the cat the last can of tuna. They use laundry soap in the dishwasher. Parents work hard to teach their children what to do, and no matter what, the children just seem to do silly things anyway. It's enough to make a parent go mad. At the very least, it's enough to make a Christian parent wonder if she is having any effect on her children at all. Perhaps she believes her children aren't really capable of making the right choices independently.

    Chances are the children have not read Helpful Hints from Heloise or Chilton's Guide to Automobiles. So, when they do some of the crazy things they do, they are actually playing a game of pretend called "let's clean the house" or "time to fix the car." Whatever the age, children are on a learning curve. The younger they are, the sillier their endeavors seem. As they get older, some of their efforts begin to make more sense, except the results can be worse. What's a parent to do? Take pictures and don't forget to laugh.

    Christian parents have an investment in their children's faith and moral development. The behaviors that seem cute or amusing to non-religious parents can be alarming to Christians. They may even begin to feel guilty about their children's behavior. These parents sometimes become stern disciplinarians or lenient problem-solvers, stifling their children's initiative. So, before Christian parents start wearing scarlet letters on their sweaters, they might try not taking their children's behavior too seriously. As long as the parents model Christian behavior, attend church services, and teach their children about Christ, most children will turn out just fine. Here are a few suggestions to consider when faced with potentially troubling behavior:

• When the baby is crying so loud that the neighbor's dog starts howling, pick her up. You won't spoil her and you might get you a subscription to Dog World.
  
• When the 3 year old is feeding the baby cat food, exchange the Meow Mix for Cheerios. The baby won't know the difference anyway.
  
• When the 5 year old comes down stairs in your black stilettos, thank God he's not wearing your panties on his head. Chances are he won't develop a habit of wearing women's clothes, but he might not whine on your next trip to Payless.
  
• When the 9 year old comes home afterschool with the neighborhood juvenile delinquent, invite him in for a snack. There's no better way to get rid of that fruitcake Grandma sent for Christmas.
  
• When the 14 year old sends 15,593 text messages to her friends in one month, be glad she doesn't write letters. Stamps cost 48 cents.
  
• When the 18 year old decides he wants to marry the stewardess he met over Spring Break, express your ebullience over frequent flyer miles. Don't panic. He won't do anything that's guaranteed to make you happy.

Mental Health Desk

Infant Mental Health?

As a counselor with a master’s degree in psychology and 15 years experience in the secular mental health arena, I find myself increasingly tongue tied. Over the years, my faith in psychology has waned as my faith in Jesus has waxed. As I am paid to provide secular counseling, I often find myself carefully couching my comments in order to soften the impression of my skepticism toward the mental health field. In a similar way, I frequently find myself knowing exactly what needs to be said but unable to say so because that would be crossing the line into pastoral counseling. I often walk a tight-rope between providing mental health counseling within acceptable guidelines and providing genuine support and insight from an individual counselor who happens to be a Christian. At times, this tight-rope walk can become tedious. So, I turn to this blog as a venue for expressing some of the ideas related to both psychology and Christianity that I am otherwise unable to express.

An example of these conflicting influences occurred a few weeks ago when I got an e-mail from a mental health administrator and the other day when I had a chance encounter with a religious volunteer. The e-mail from the mental health department was announcement for the First Annual Infant Mental Health Conference at Chatham University. My first thought was, “Infant Mental Health? Soon they’ll be diagnosing babies in the womb.” I laughed and thought I might mention it to the very interesting man who forwarded the announcement to me. Several days later, I ran into him and asked his opinion. He chuckled and said, “Infant Mental Health. Soon, they’ll be diagnosing fetuses in the womb.” We had the same thoughts. That was settled. I considered the whole infant mental health topic yet another quackery coming out of the mental health field. I didn’t think again about it until several days later, when I had the chance encounter with the religious volunteer. He was offering pastoral counseling at the local jail where I happen to work providing mental health assessment and counseling. I guess he had had a bad day because he commented that he wasn’t sure he was doing any good. He said, “These guys keep promising they’ll come to church when they get out and the next time we see them they’re back in jail.” I knew exactly what he was talking about. Anyone who has spent any time in corrections knows about jailhouse religion—saved inside jail and a sinner outside. This led me to a thought that has often troubled me: “Are there some people who are constitutionally incapable of a genuine faith in God?” Of course, with God, anything is possible. Nonetheless, there are a small percentage of people (maybe 20 percent of inmates and 2 percent of the general population) who do not experience what most people would call a conscience. These people, it seems, are able to mock a certain kind of religious conviction, but when given enough freedom to do other things, their religiosity disappears. How do they get this way? There are probably several different pathways to sociopathy, including head trauma and possibly some genetic anomalies, but the main suspect is early childhood development, a profound failure to attach to parents. In other words, for these few individuals, their inability to connect and empathize with other people--and ultimately with God--starts from very early childhood, with poor infant mental health.

The criminal justice system is currently deluged with a wave of young men and women who were first introduced through the media twenty years ago when they were infants. They are a forgotten segment of their generation. They are the crack babies come of age. Some of these individuals may have started out with neurological and organic difficulties. Almost all of them have dealt with abandonment, neglect, abuse, foster-care systems, and life on the streets. As a matter of survival, they have learned to trust no one, including their own parents. They have learned to fend for themselves often at the expense of others. In the past, there have always been such children, often from alcohol-dependent or drug-addicted parents. But never before have there been so many and with such severe problems. Their numbers seem to be growing.

In looking over the agenda for the First Annual Infant Mental Health Conference, the organizers seem to have these types of problems in mind. They are concerned with early intervention by providing support and resources for mothers and families so they can properly care for the children. They also are willing to step in when the parents are damaging the welfare of their children ages 0 to 3. There does seem to be a fair amount of information on infant mental health available, including the Infant Mental Health Journal, the Institute for Training in Infant and Preschool Mental Health, and the Infant-Parent Institute. Several of these organizations seem decidedly liberal in their leanings. They frequently refer to an overwhelming body of research that they fail to cite or delineate specifically. Nonetheless, I think there is something about this Infant Mental Health movement (can I call it a movement?) that is worth considering with a few minor caveats.

Barring what are essentially medical problems, it is impossible for an infant to be mentally ill. If there is a problem, the responsibility rests squarely with the parents. Attachment disorder is the single-most salient construct that comes out of this movement. This is both the most brilliant and idiotic mental health diagnosis ever. It’s brilliant because it links an early developmental circumstance to ongoing adult behaviors. It’s absurd because no other diagnosis identifies a patient with a problem that is fundamentally not theirs. Infants do not fail to attach; parents fail to attach with their infant children! So, when someone tells me their kid has attachment disorder, I resist the urge tell them, “No, your kid doesn’t have attachment disorder, you do!” Likewise, the problem is not infant mental health, but the lack of parental mental adjustment and their consequent inadequate parenting.

Organizations involved with the Infant Mental Health movement, for example, Zero to Three, do not take their apparently vast body of research and challenge the emerging status quo. While these organizations acknowledge the importance of parental bonding, they also spend a fair amount of time discussing appropriate daycare. Rather than focus on the fundamental relationship between mother and child, they discuss how to teach toddlers pre-math skills. They quote overwhelming evidence that supports the efficacy of head start programs, but they fail to acknowledge that student achievements are negligible by 2nd grade. In short, these organizations espouse shaping educational opportunities, from early potty training to reading, without acknowledging that children may be able to mimic these skills easily without much comprehension. The net result is a regimented and directed upbringing that makes parents feel good but does little to develop a real parent-child bond.

In some ways, the individuals in jail are very similar to the children in daycare. They lack any significant or reciprocal attachment to their caregivers but merely go through the motions. Many of them become jailhouse Christians—a person who can mimic Christianity without really grasping or maintaining that belief. They can read scripture verses together, sing songs, and talk about trials and tribulations. But if they cannot form a relationship, very little will come of it. Of course, many of these individuals are profoundly flawed and disconnected. Particularly with the most hardened individuals, it is only through God’s mercy and grace that a breakthrough is possible. I go to work. I do my best within the confines of what I can ethically do as a secular mental health provider. But, to me, the most important part involves the words that I cannot say aloud in the counseling office. The most powerful part of my day is in the quiet of my room when I pray for them.

Mid Week Movie Review

I’m going to share a secret with you. I hate movies with “talking” animals. I don’t mean those wonderful little animated films with donkeys and mice. Those I love. The ones I hate have some family pet with a famous celebrity’s voice and attitude. Hollywood, though, has figured out that kids and old people adore these silly motion pictures where the dogs, cats, and gerbils are smarter than NASA scientists. So I made a meager attempt to hide my anxiety when our younger children convinced me to watch one. Frankly, I didn’t anticipate much. I wasn’t even sure it would be worth watching until it was over and my husband added his two cents. With a snicker, he said, “I can’t wait to see what’s Christian about that.” I took that as a challenge. I hope I pass the test.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua(PG) is a family friendly, talking dog adventure story. Drew Barrymore is the voice of Chloe, the lavishly pampered pet Chihuahua of cosmetic mogul, Vivian Ashe, played by Jamie Lee Curtis. Chloe lives a life of luxury in Beverly Hills, complete with a designer wardrobe and a collar of diamonds. Chloe spends most of her time surrounded by other pampered pooches and rejecting the advances of the gardener’s pet, fellow Chihuahua Papi, voiced by George Lopez. Chloe’s world goes awry when her owner entrusts her care to spoiled niece Rachel, played by Piper Perabo. Rachel decides to take a vacation in Mexico but confines Chloe to hotel living with canned dog food. Rather quickly, Chloe has enough and decides to follow Rachel out into town. The real adventure begins when Chloe gets dog-napped, forced into dog fighting, and enlists the protection of a German shepherd named Delgado to help her get home.

Even though I’m not a fan of talking dog movies, I was instantly taken in by Chloe. Chloe and her canine friends are adorable. That fact alone almost made me overlook some of the sexual references scattered throughout the movie. I don’t think young children will necessarily pick up on them, though, because they are referenced mostly through dog views. There are tidbits that only parents will appreciate, so I won’t ruin the laugh by revealing too much. For the most part, I think children of any age will be able to appreciate the obvious good dog vs. bad dog theme that is central to the film. I was pleasantly surprised, though, to discover there were plenty of other Christian ideas to address, like stereotypes, responsibility, self-worth, and honesty. I also noticed several religious references that could be worthy of discussion, especially the Mexican celebration of Dia de los Muertos. I think this is, generally, a movie that both children and parents will find enjoyable. And, to my surprise, will give Christian parents several topics to discuss.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua brings to light an issue that stirs much emotion regarding the proper care of animals. Chloe is treated like a human by her owner. Her owner buys her designer clothes, arranges play dates with other pets, and carries her around in a handbag. Chloe is loved and doted on. Her owner even blows kisses to her over the phone. Yet, once Chloe is stolen in Mexico, she is used as bait in a dog fight and hunted for ransom. When she escapes, she wanders the streets with other strays begging for food. At some point in the movie, Chloe, along with the audience, realizes that dogs are more than just fashion accessories. At the same time, the human characters are addressing the problem with strays by matching them with loving owners. This matter may seem trite but needs to be examined from a Christian perspective. Quite simply God did not create animals to be equal to humans. The Creation Story in Genesis explains two significant facts—there is no other animal like man and man has sovereignty over all the other animals. Paul re-affirms this in his 1st letter to the Christians at Corinth. Animals differ from humans in a far more important way. While all living things have a material soul, only humans have an immortal soul. Animals, no matter how intelligent, do not have the ability to choose God’s will over their own will. In this manner, they are not responsible for their actions. Once an animal dies, its soul ceases to exist. The souls of all humankind, however, will be either saved or damned based on how they chose to act. Christian parents can find this an excellent opportunity to talk to their children about the animal’s proper place in the world. This is a good time to mention that God gave mankind animals for food, as workers, and also as companions. They are not equal to humans and should not be treated as such. Instead, God gave man the responsibility to care for his creatures, not to abuse them.

Underneath the cute dogs and subtle jokes, Beverly Hills Chihuahua tells a story about loyalty and self-sacrifice. Chloe has no experience with either of these qualities. The only dog who understands loyalty and love, Chloe ridicules. But when Chloe is captured in Mexico, Delgado, the German shepherd promises to help her escape and find her way home. Even though Chloe is rude and insensitive, Delgado stays beside her. He decides, sometimes against his feelings, that he must keep his promise. This concept may seem rather simplistic, especially for Christians. Modern Christians are inundated with messages of self-actualization and self-gratification. People in society seem to be growing increasingly independent. In fact, dependency is seen as a weakness and is highly discouraged. Christian parents might take this opportunity to discuss how, as Christians, we are all one body in Christ. Children need to be reminded that Christ, not only calls mankind to love his neighbor, but that He also gives individuals the gifts to do so. This can be a very important lesson, especially for younger children who haven’t had many opportunities with generosity.

Most of the lessons in Beverly Hills Chihuahua are obvious. After all, it is a kid’s movie. I tried to look beyond the usual morals of honesty, responsibility, and kindness. Christianity is about so much more than just these three ideas. The wonderful thing about movie watching is that one never knows what message is hidden inside the dialogue. In my opinion, this delightful little film is worth the watch—even if you don’t like talking dogs.

Encouraging Spiritual Development

When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things. (1 Corinthians 13: 11)

Spiritual maturity is akin to physical maturity. Parents don’t put their baby down for a nap only to return to find him dressed and ready for college. Instead parents spend countless hours waiting for first smiles, first teeth, and first steps. With each developmental milestone met, parents rejoice and prepare for their child’s next stage. Christian maturity develops along a similar path. It takes time, education, practice, and patience. All children are born with the desire for God. The Creator places this desire on every human heart. This desire, if not fostered, can be forgotten or rejected. Christian parents then, as their children’s spiritual educators, have to help their children recognize this desire and grow into mature Christians. For children to develop spiritual maturity, parents should be aware that their children’s moral reasoning ability develops in stages. Aside from Bible stories, one of the ways Christian parents initiate this process is by teaching their children about sin. In spite of what many Christian parents think, sin is a complicated concept. In simple terms, though, sin is an offense against God—love of one’s self over God. Children, of course, are not immediately able to understand this concept and therefore need direction from their parents. Christian parents have to teach their children what sin is, what constitutes sinful behavior, and how to make moral choices. In other words, Christian parents need to guide their children through the moral reasoning process.

Most parents know that infants have very limited reasoning ability. In fact, an infant is entirely incapable of understanding the moral implications of his actions. At this stage, he only desires the attention and affection of his parents. Parents learn quickly how to achieve desired behavior from their child, either through rewarding or scolding. Why is this response important for Christian parents to understand? Because infants are unable to identify sinful behavior, they are not capable of choosing to do good and avoiding sin. When an infant bites someone, for example, she is merely being curious, not intentionally hurtful. If the child repeats this behavior, she is not being rebellious or disobedient. Consistent scolding from the parents will usually convince the infant to stop biting, but nothing can help the child at the stage of infancy to understand how her behavior causes the suffering of others. Moral judgments from the parents regarding the child’s behavior can only affect how the child views herself, and God, at a later stage. Christian parents should take heart and be patient. This period is short lived. As the children go through this stage, with appropriate guidance they will learn which behavior is acceptable and which should be avoided. This lays the foundation for their later understanding of virtue and vice.

As infants grow into toddlers, they begin to learn the difference between good and bad behavior. The “terrible two’s”, as some parents call this stage, can be particularly difficult. Many parents struggle with appropriate discipline at this time, for fear they may be too harsh when correcting their children’s behavior. In most cases, though, children at this age will avoid bad behavior precisely because they fear their parent’s punishment. Christian parents can manage this transition simply by understanding their toddler’s moral development. Toddlers can understand clearly that certain actions make Jesus happy and others make Jesus sad. But they have a problem understanding why a particular action is unacceptable or sinful. In fact, Christian parents may spend an entire day answering the question, “But why?” Mild disobedience at this age is normal and, once again, Christian parents should refrain from making moral judgments. More often than not, toddlers are merely testing boundaries by pushing their parents’ limits. A toddler is perfectly capable of understanding that living room walls are not coloring books. Yet, when his parents are otherwise involved, that same toddler may draw circles in various shades of red. His disobedience, of course, involves no malice; he may be frustrated, bored, angry, or headstrong. While punishment in some form will correct the behavior, Christian parents should consider why their toddlers are misbehaving and address the cause of such conduct. Christian parents often become frustrated during this trying age. With any amount of consistency, though, parents will see their little ones are able to gain some control over their actions and learn to practice some self-restraint.

Pre-school age children can be delightful. They are fairly capable of following directions and they love to imitate behavior. At this age, parents are often able to convince their children to do most anything, simply by offering them a reward. While parents may find this encouraging, they should recognize that pre-school age children still have a very primitive level of moral reasoning. Christian parents may actually be confused with their children’s behavior. Children of this age enjoy stories about Jesus, angels, or other religious material. They can even be encouraged to act in ways that are pleasing to God—as long as their parent’s define what pleases God. Because of their reasoning ability, preschoolers act primarily out of self interest and seldom act out of a strong desire to do good things. What are the implications for Christian parents? Proceed with caution. Children of this age tend to behave in ways that they believe their parents or friends may like. “Potty mouth” is a common occurrence in this age group, even among Christians. The child may repeat words she has heard from a parent, a grandparent, or a sibling, without consideration that it is offensive. Christian parents may struggle with helping her understand that a word is bad even if grandma says it. For this reason, parents ought to address sinful behavior with caution. This isn’t the time, however, for parents to become complacent. Children in this stage of reasoning need strong Christian role models and guidance.

By the time children are school aged, they have a bit more autonomy. They are able to perform daily tasks and chores without much supervision. Many parents appreciate this stage of their child’s life because they become interested in activities outside the home. The parents soon discover that their children are focused on rules and justice. Children at this age all seem to have the same complaint—“That’s not fair!” They want nothing more than to be nice and for others to reciprocate. Christian parents may be particularly pleased with their children during this period. The children are quite capable of identifying sinful behavior. At the same time, they are able to comprehend deeper Christian principles, such as the need for salvation. While these young people may seem to have mastered their sinful nature and tamed their wills, parents should be aware of one critical fact. Children of this age may only follow the rules or act appropriately when they believe they might be caught disobeying or punished. For example, a school-aged boy might take his friend’s bike if he sees it unoccupied. When confronted, the boy may even lie about his involvement for fear of being labeled a “meanie.” This type of behavior can seem troubling to Christian parents. The children seem to be blatantly disobedient and plotting to hide their sins. At this stage parents have to be careful to address these issues swiftly and firmly, but also with gentleness. Christian parents have every right to expect their school aged children to control their behavior. With practice and encouragement, the children will even do so when no one is watching.

As young children mature into teenagers, parents often experience great anxiety. Many parents even dread to hear the word—adolescent. Adolescence leaves the parents with a new set of fears associated with driving, dating, and preparing their children to leave home. Many parents wonder if their children will actually be able to manage the responsibilities of the adult world. But as these young people become adults, they can begin to develop a more mature level or moral reasoning. While they have the capacity to make moral decisions simply because they are right, they are also be able to recognize how their behavior affects other people. For example, today’s teenager knows that smoking is dangerous. He should be able to avoid smoking, even if he has some involvement with acquaintances who smoke. Christian parents should expect their teenagers to be conscious of their behavior, to be aware of whether it is sinful and has consequences for themselves or others. Christian parents should avoid the impulse to be overprotective during this age. Instead they should find comfort in allowing their children to practice putting their faith into action.

Parenting children to this level of Christian maturity is a daunting task. But consider the alternative. While a few Christian parents may get away with hovering over their children into young adulthood, the vast majority of these parents will experience rebellion, especially in adolescence. In terms of their children’s developing faith, this parental over-involvement eventually results in a distancing from church attendance and from God. The opposite approach is also detrimental. Parents who give too much leeway give their children too little credit. They do not challenge their children to grow in their relationship with Christ. Eventually, the result of this approach is their children having a lackadaisical belief and a non-obligatory attitude about religion. Rather than either of these approaches, it is possible for Christian parents to enter into a dialogue with their children, starting from infancy, in which the children are accepted for where they are at their particular age, but also encouraged to reach beyond to the next developmental stage. In this way, young adults from Christian families can develop into strong, principled, and independent Christian adults. Isn’t that what all Christian parents really want?

Mid Week Movie Review

When I decided to write movie reviews for this blog, I knew I wanted to do something different. Personally, I don’t believe that parents care much about what critics think when they are looking for a movie to watch with their children. Most parents I know just want something entertaining, exciting, and engaging without having to worry about inappropriate content. I never want to be guilty of suggesting that parents watch a movie because I think it’s good. Instead, I want to help parents watch movies through the lens of Christianity. Some movies are blatantly anti-Christian, but most are neither in opposition to Christianity nor supportive of it. I do think, however, that almost all movies today have some elements that parents can use to teach their children fundamental Christian values.

Inkheart(PG) is an enchanting fantasy film based on a book series by the same name. The movie stars Brendan Fraser as Mortimer Folchart, a bookbinder with an extraordinary gift. Mo, as he is fondly called by his daughter Meggie, has the ability to bring the words in books to life. When Mortimer reads aloud, characters, events, and objects move from the world of imagination into the present, but not without consequence. Unfortunately when something comes from the "inkworld" into the real world, something from the real world must replace it. Mortimer discovers his incredible talent by accident while reading to his 3 year old daughter from the medieval fantasy book Inkheart. Three characters from the book—the evil Capricorn, his minion Basta, and the fire-eater Dustfinger—appear in Mo’s living room while his loving wife Teresa disappears into the “inkworld.” For the next 9 years, Mo and Meggie travel around Europe running from the evil Capricorn and scouring bookstores for a copy of the book so Mo can bring his wife home. The pair eventually has to enlist the aid of the book's author, Fenoglio, and Resa’s aunt Elinor, played by the magnificent Helen Mirren.

I thought the movie was delightful even though I found the plot full of holes. While I did think the story dragged along at times, I found the host of characters interesting and entertaining in their struggles. I felt that good and evil characters were clearly defined, which young children often appreciate. Even though I think very young children will lose interest after a few minutes, I believe elementary-school aged children will enjoy jumping into the medieval world of fire-eaters, sword-throwers, princesses, and mythical creatures. I believe there is only one character that might be frightening to young viewers—the Shadow, a black smoke monster that is beckoned near the end of the film. I actually found myself drawn to the characters and silently hoping they redeemed themselves. Even though I kept waiting for surprises, I wasn’t disappointed with the film. The movie isn’t particularly Christian in content but I was able to recognize some themes that Christian parents can discuss with their children.

The viewer learns in the movie Inkheart that words have power. In this story, by reading the written word, the main character is able to give life to characters, both good and evil. This reality convinces Mo to be overly cautious and to never read aloud again. Christianity teaches something very similar. It is through God’s voice that all things come into existence. Every Christian knows the story of Genesis---“God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light.” The Creation story illustrates the omnipotence of God through His words. John, in his Gospel, refers to Jesus as “the Word made flesh” who came to live, as man, in the world. The word of God is also a term given to the Scriptures. It is through the Word of God, both in Jesus and the Scripture, that all Christians come to know Christ. The Word of God is powerful indeed. Not only is God’s word powerful, but so are the words of humans. Unlike the childhood mantra of “Sticks and stones may break my bones,” words do have the ability to hurt or heal. Most people know from personal experience how hurtful words can be and how encouraging acclamations can be. In his Letter to the early Christians, James writes about the power of the tongue. He points out that words can be used for either blessings or curses and that Christians should be ever mindful of their speech. While it may seem overwhelming to consider, Christian parents may find either of these points to discuss with their young children. Younger children can certainly grasp the importance of using kind words and being respectful. Older children may be ready for deeper understanding of the Bible and prayer. Teenagers may even appreciate a more complex discussion regarding the Trinity.

While the power of words is a central theme of the movie Inkheart, there is another underlying concept. Most of the main characters are aware of their flaws whether it be selfishness, greed, self-doubt, or fear. Throughout the film, the characters are forced to examine themselves. The good people somehow manage to overcome these flaws and make the right decisions, while the evil characters succumb to their desires. One character, in particular, struggles with selfishness, finally sacrificing his desires to save his friends. This theme is fairly common in most childhood fantasy films and, on the surface, may seem trivial. The secular world values the concept that one does not have to believe in God to make moral or right judgments. While this may be true for many non-believers, Christians recognize that rejection of sin is possible only through Christ Jesus. Christianity teaches that, with the fall of Adam, humankind became subject to temptation and inclined to sin. Man’s will is therefore weak and, in this state, he would rather please himself than please God. To help humanity choose God over selfish desire, Christ willingly paid for the sins of the world through His death and resurrection. The gift of God’s grace helps Christians become free from the power of sin, desire to live righteously, and live for the glory of God. Christian parents can use this opportunity to help explain the theological concepts of grace, justification, and sanctification.

The desire to reject sin and please God is similar to one other theme in the film—reconciliation. The main character in the film, through his own actions, has caused a separation from his wife. Longing only for her, he searches and suffers for 9 years. He is willing to do whatever he must in order to be united with her once again. This story may appear to be nothing more than romance, but this idea is at the heart of Christianity. One of the most well known parables of Jesus is the story of the Prodigal or Lost Son. In this story a wealthy man has two sons, one of whom demands his inheritance and leaves home. After squandering everything and living among the pigs, the young man desires nothing more than forgiveness from his father and to return home. When the young son returns home, he is greeted rather surprisingly by the open arms of his father and a feast. Christian parents can explore several concepts when discussing this story. Obviously, there is the unimaginable love God has for his children, his desire for them all to be with him, and his unceasing forgiveness. Parents might also use the parable to explain how Christians, once they recognize the gravity of their sins, desire only to return to the security and warmth of God’s love. This may also be a good way to explain, especially to teens, the lure of personal fulfillment and desire, the consequences of rejecting Christ and His Church, and the peace of reconciliation.

Once again, I don’t believe the writers or producers of Inkheart had Christian theology in mind when making this film. I do feel, though, that parents should be willing to use the tools available to them when teaching their children about Christian faith. All movies are not vehemently anti-Christian. Some are just simple stories with familiar themes. Christians can use the films to teach their children fundamental Christian values and theology. Jesus said to his disciples in Luke 9:50b, “…for whoever is not against you is for you.” Before rejecting a film, Christians might consider if they are justified or are simply being intolerant.

Parenting in the Age of Paranoia

Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

Perhaps one of the hardest and most important things for Christians to learn is how to trust God. This is especially challenging for Christians as they become parents, particularly in this culture, which bombards parents with messages about menaces looming around every corner. Christians have to learn how to resist these fearful messages and trust that God will ultimately protect them and their families. They also have to realize that the mainstream culture is at odds with Christian Faith and, as such, riddled with fears. Of course, evil and real danger do exist in the world but the point of being a Christian—and for that matter a Christian parent—is to rise above these nefarious forces and trust that, as long as they remain with God, even the most unfortunate circumstances will be subsumed into God’s greater plan.

A few days ago, after seeing a commercial for a T.V. show about flesh-eating parasites, our eight-year-old son asked a profound question. He asked, “Why would God create a creature that would eat us from the inside out?” His father replied in the only wise way for a father to respond, “Go ask your mother.” And in her superior wisdom, she explained that these types of parasites are extremely rare. She clarified that humans are not normally on the menu for these creatures. She told him that God created these creatures to survive on organisms other than humans, but that in rare cases people can make themselves susceptible to these types of parasites. He was satisfied with her response. He was also okay with our decision for him to avoid watching that show. Frankly, we did not want to watch it either. Creepy stuff! At any rate, our eight-year-old child’s question actually touched upon a deep philosophical and theological question, “Why does God allow evil, sickness, death, and tragedy to occur?”

Simply put, God did not create mankind to die. Rather, God created a perfect world, full of beauty and life. Satan, in his jealousy, introduced evil into the world, bringing with him suffering and death. Because God loved His creation so, He sent Jesus. Jesus, through his death and resurrection, freed mankind from sin and death. With this knowledge, all those who believe in Christ find peace in the presence of evil, sickness, death, and tragedy. In a culture inundated with fears, however, many Christians face doubts and anxiety. Some Christians fall prey to the devil’s deception and accept the cultural message that evil doesn’t really exist. Other Christians may be fully aware of the presence of evil in the world but become transfixed on the power of the devil. They often give the devil too much credit and become irrationally fearful. In short, they become paranoid.

Sometimes fear is justified. Parents are justified for insisting on general safety rules for their children. For example, thousands of children are injured each year in bicycling accidents. Many of these accidents are unavoidable, but parents have learned there are many ways to reduce the risk of serious injury to their children. They make them wear helmets and insist they be home before dark. This is not paranoia; it’s common sense. Parents only become paranoid when their imagined fears are greatly out of proportion to the reality of the potential risk. For example, there are parents who do not allow their children to swim in the ocean. They have an irrational fear that their children may be attacked or, worse, killed by hungry predators. In reality, shark attacks are highly unlikely. In 2007, there were 64 shark attacks world-wide and only four fatalities. With billions of people in the world, four deaths due to sharks are very good odds. Nonetheless, there are still parents who are terrified of allowing their children to swim in the ocean. With this in mind, the following is a top-ten list of things that today’s parents seem to be paranoid of the most:

10. Germs. Parents go to extreme lengths to protect their children from germs. Apparently, they have never heard of the five second rule and eating a booger is more than just gross--it's dangerous. These parents see creepy critters lurking everywhere, especially on shopping carts. These parents will keep the hand sanitizer industry in the black for decades to come. As Christians, we should know that God made the human body a germ fighting machine, complete with natural ways to fight off infections. Without some exposure to outside germs, the body’s immune system would fail to develop and become susceptible to opportune infections.

9. Holidays that contain fictitious characters. There are actually parents today who are afraid of lying to their children about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. They believe that their children will never trust another living soul should they find out that--egad--their parents surprised them with gifts and candy without getting any of the credit. Perhaps these parents fear that their children might become suspicious of anonymous generosity as well. Some Christian parents fear that these secular traditions might lead their children to honor fat old men and monstrously large lagomorphs as a means to salvation. Halloween adds a whole new dimension to these parents dread with all the zombies and vampire worship, not to mention the razor blades hidden in their neighbor’s candy. Christian parents might find it helpful to recognize that Christians have always used symbols for instruction. These parents can use Saint Nicholas to teach their children about kindness and generosity. They can use the Easter Bunny to teach about new life and rebirth. Christian parents can even use All Hallow's Eve as an opportunity to remember the souls of their ancestors is Heaven.

8. Childhood Diseases requiring vaccinations. Just like the germaphobes, there are plenty of parents who are petrified of communicable childhood diseases. They have visions of their children scarred with pox marks, their entire house in quarantine, or worse, one of their children dying. While it is true some vaccinations have eradicated crippling diseases like polio, the list of necessary vaccines keeps getting longer. Before long starting kindergarten will be similar to traveling to sub-Saharan Africa. At the same time, many parents fear that these vaccinations will plunge their children into a lifetime of silence and suffering from autism. They find themselves caught in the middle of a vaccine war and baffled over the contradictory information. Parents then look to their trusted family doctors for advice. While this may seem an appropriate option, Christian parents may find it helpful to do some research on their own. One required vaccine is for a disease that is mostly contracted through sexual contact. Another vaccine is required to protect against a disease that causes about 100 cases of death per year. Christian parents might pause to consider if these facts outweigh the risks of contracting the actual diseases. Many of these diseases cause nothing more than the mere inconvenience of missed days at school or work but provide lifetime immunity. Of course, as Christians we should be encouraged by medical progress and advances that improve our health and make our lives better. But the slightest mention of disease shouldn’t cause Christian parents to worry unnecessarily or to take risks that might actually endanger their children’s health in the future.

7. Bullies and Bullying. Parents constantly worry that their children are being tormented by bullies whether at school, on the playground, or over the internet. These parents fear that their children, if left unsupervised, will be tortured and antagonized to the point of murder or suicide. These parents have allowed the school systems to aid in combating bullying and fully support zero-tolerance policies—lest their children get stabbed in the hallway with a fingernail file. Christian parents may find it reassuring to note that bullies have existed as long as there have been children with glasses and worn out shoes. Left alone and given encouragement, these children learn to handle mild bullying quite effectively. Many children hone their sense of humor or their salesmanship skills on the playground with burly bullies. Of course, there are a few children on either side of the bullying issue that need parental intervention. This situation is rare and sometimes involves children with mental health concerns. Christian parents should be mindful before interfering in their children’s problems. Children need to learn their own coping and problem-solving skills. Christian parents might also consider the idea that children often perceive kindness for weakness and righteousness as being judgmental which can make their own children targets for bullies. For this reason, Christian parents should be cautious before becoming too critical of their children’s efforts to solve their own problems.

6. Fetal Anomalies. Pregnant couples worry about the condition of their unborn child and it’s not difficult to imagine the worse possible outcomes. Women’s dreams during this time can range from having kittens to having a baby with bat’s wings. Parents always want comfort that their growing child will be healthy. Maternity care providers often make this situation more difficult by over emphasizing testing available at different stages of fetal development for various anomalies. Christian parents can find this especially stressful since any negative result is more often than not met with a suggestion for abortion. These parents will do well to remain encouraged that the actual risk of having a child with a fetal abnormality is rare. Only 2% of women at age 45 have their unborn babies diagnosed with a chromosomal disorder. The odds are considerably lower for a woman in her 20s. In other words, babies are born perfectly healthy over 98% of the time. Christian parents should always be mindful that, even in the case of a difficult diagnosis, God will always provide for their needs.

5. Cervical Cancer. As if parents didn’t have enough to worry about, they now have to reflect on the possibility that their daughters, at some point in the future, might contract cervical cancer. Doctors and pharmaceutical reps would have parents believe that the virus causing cervical cancer can be picked up from the Sunoco gas station toilet seat. Or perhaps it can be contracted from a toad peeing on one’s hand. We suspect the executives at the pharmaceutical company were intentionally vague about the actual vector of contraction for this virus. Christian parents would be wise to study the genuine cause of HPV, the virus that leads to cervical cancer. They should then counsel their children appropriately.

4. Car seats. Parents across the nation agree that an infant car seat is a much safer way to secure a child in an automobile than a Nike shoe box. But hopefully before their children go off to college, these parents might consider dropping the car seat off at the Salvation Army (Recycling is in fashion these days). Since child restraint laws differ by state, there is no consensus on what age this transition should take place. However, it may be safe to assume that the average crash-test dummy is smarter than your local Congressperson. We believe that the car seat manufacturers may be involved in the zero-population growth conspiracy because it is impossible to fit more than two or three restrained children in a Volkswagon Beetle. Of course, Christian parents cannot do much about car seat laws. The laws in many states require children to be restrained until age 8 or higher, and this law is hardly worth being martyred over. Before Christian parents begin strapping car seats to the luggage rack on top of the minivan, they might consider complaining to their Congressperson.

3. Child Abduction. While Americans spend millions of dollars annually in therapy bills to get a monkey off their back, parents spend just $11.50 at Walmart to put a monkey on their kids back. Child safety harnesses come in a variety of friendly animal companions and even Disney has a corner of the market. It seems rather peculiar that parents have resorted to putting their children in leashes and their dogs in dresses. Some parents may actually find it necessary to restrain their children in this manner, but many parents simply fear their children will run away and be kidnapped. Some people watch far too much television, especially the Bill O’Reilly Factor. Christian parents will be wise to consider this fact—the odds of an Adam Walsh style child abduction are comparable to being struck by lightning while wearing green pajamas on the third Thursday in February during a leap year. In fact, the overwhelming majority of children who are abducted are taken by their non-custodial parent—something Christian parents should carefully consider before they sign divorce papers.

2. Their Children’s Failure. Contemporary parents are obsessed with success. They feel defeated if their children haven’t potty trained themselves by two, learned to read by four, or earned their black belt by eight. Parents fill their shelves with bobble-head soccer trophies and 5th place spelling bee ribbons. They want their children to get an A+ in self-esteem. Christian parents, however, should be cautious of this modern approach to parenting. Not only do children need praise but they also need constructive criticism. In this way, children learn how to improve their behavior, control their emotions, and strive to meet their goals. In order for children to grow into self-reliant, independent adults, they need to learn from their mistakes. Christian parents should allow their children to fail yet provide them with comfort and encouragement just as Christ does for His children.

1. Religion. Believe it or not, many parents today fear that their children will join some religious cult, like the Moonies or the Catholics or the Mormons or the Baptists. In some ways, parents fear nothing more in this secular culture than their children becoming religious, especially Christian. Many parents are less afraid that their children will become homosexual. At least if they are gay they will get a good seat at a five-star restaurant. Many Christian parents have a similar fear. They worry that any exposure to peers from different faith groups or to other religions will cause their children to burn the Bible and paint a red dot on their foreheads. Christian parents should be reassured that, as long as they remain confident and positive examples of Christianity, then their children will almost certainly follow their religious instruction.

Our Top Ten List above are clear examples of the Two Percent Trap. Each of these fears are irrational and occur rarely in real life. Christian parents might give careful consideration before falling into this trap. They also might be better served by identifying areas where real dangers exist. These are just a few areas that deserve caution and we invite you to comment on other areas where Paranoia is Paramount.

Mid Week Movie Review

My family loves to watch movies. Yet, I’ve found sorting through the plethora to find something appropriate for children can be quite a challenge. Generally speaking, I’ve discovered that the MPAA ratings are quite helpful but not necessarily reliable, at least for content. I usually don’t allow our young children to watch PG-13 movies, for example, unless we have viewed them first and likewise with our teens viewing of R movies. Other than that, I allow a lot of flexibility with movie watching. I believe that movie watching can actually be a very beneficial experience. I’ve learned a lot from movies---biographies of people I’ve never heard of, historical events with which I’m unfamiliar, and ideas that I’ve never really considered. I’m particularly fond of science fiction, as are most of our children. While I often feel comfortable using the ratings as a guide for movie selection, I’m convinced there is nothing to really help Christian parents discern which movies might be suitable for their families. I believe there are a lot of really good movies that Christians avoid simply because they are unsure of the topic or misinformed of the intent of the film. I know that Hollywood isn’t particularly friendly toward Christians but I don’t believe that is an excuse for parents to avoid watching movies. On the contrary, I believe movie viewing can be an excellent opportunity for Christian parents to discuss moral values and Christian theology as they apply in the modern world. I hope, then, that my Mid Week Movie Review is both informative and useful.

This week, we watched the sci-fi thriller, Knowing (PG-13). Nicholas Cage stars as John Koestler, an astrophysics professor at MIT. This man of science has recently lost his wife, seemingly a woman of faith, in a tragic event and is now raising his young son, Caleb, alone. Both John and Caleb cope with the loss and sadness in their own way---John by attempting to reconcile his scientific belief with his loneliness and Caleb by hoping in the possibility he will see his mother again. John soon begins to question everything he believes when a time capsule, buried 50 years ago by elementary school children, is uncovered at Caleb’s school. While all the children receive drawings of spaceships and other visions of the future, Caleb receives a paper with nothing but lists of numbers. John, upon briefly studying the paper, comes to believe the numbers are actually predictions of catastrophic events in the last 50 years. Attempting to decipher the numbers, John tracks down the daughter of the child who created the list to discover what may have possessed the young child. All the while Caleb is experiencing voices and visions that he is unable to explain. John eventually has to confront his reductionist scientific beliefs, make difficult decisions about his son, and face the future of the world itself.

At this point, I have intentionally tried to eliminate the spoilers because I think Christian families should watch without really knowing what to expect. Although the movie is captivating and thrilling, I also found it distressing and dark. I enjoyed the visual effects, especially near the end of the film, but I found several scenes involving strange men that I think might be frightening to young children. I think older children can comprehend the implications quite well. I was, however, disappointed at the conclusion, even though I had already suspected how it might end. I also don’t think the movie itself addresses anything new---it’s just another end of the world movie. I do think, however, Knowing can provide an excellent opportunity for parents to discuss Christianity with their teenage children. I have a few suggestions to make regarding topics for discussion, so I warn you that the following paragraphs will contain SPOILERS.

Of course, I have no way of knowing the writers or producers intentions when they made this film. I was able, though, to pick up on some central themes that are in opposition to mainstream Christianity. Rather early into the movie, I discovered the main character grappling with the philosophy of determinism vs. randomness. Although these ideas can be quite complex, I believe the basic principle is something like this: either life is a series of cause and effect events of which individuals can do nothing to prevent or life is composed of completely random occurrences that one has no knowledge of or capacity to alter. Both of these ideas actually reach the same conclusion---that humans have no control over their destiny, either it is determined already by some outside force or it is a compilation of random events. Most Christian theology rejects both of these ideas completely, or at least in part. While God is, of course, omnipotent and omniscient, He also created mankind with free-will. In other words, God created humans with the ability to make their own choices and thus, they are responsible for their own actions. While it is true that some “natural acts” are beyond personal control, individuals can respond to those acts for good or for evil. Humans, then, are not simply observers in a cosmic play. Christian parents can welcome the opportunity to discuss the concept of free-will, especially in the context of a contemporary culture that focuses on individual feelings and desires.

The references to determinism are quite subtle, but another anti-Christian idea is also implied in this film. At various points in the movie the characters see strange looking, silent men standing in the forest or driving by in vehicles. They also hear these men talking to them in “mental” whispers. While this adds some suspense to the thriller, the viewer soon learns that these men are actually aliens who have taken on the physical form of human men. The aliens, at the end of the film, save the children from the destruction of Earth and safely “plant” them onto another planet in the universe. The implications are obvious---life begins because the aliens brought life from elsewhere. This idea is called panspermia and suggests that life existed on another planet and was brought to earth by some force---in this case, aliens. According to this form of direct panspermia, when one planet dies, aliens are responsible for the continuation of life. In spite of what contemporary Christians think, the theory of panspermia is actually centuries old and finds its roots, to some degree in Christian Gnosticism. Authentic Christianity, of course, clearly proclaims God as the Creator of the universe. God alone is responsible for the continuation of life. Christian parents may find it useful to investigate this subject more closely, particularly as it relates to Gnosticism. Gnosticism, though denounced as heresy in the Middle Ages, continues to attract many modern Christians.

In addition to determinism and panspermia, the movie Knowing makes an assertion about Christianity that is growing in popularity---Christianity is acceptable as long as one views it through the eyes of science. The movie makes several references to this school of thought. For example, the movie suggests there is a resurrection but a resurrection by aliens. It also seems to indicate that the guardian angels God gave humankind are also aliens. It also seems to imply that heaven is actually another new planet. The movie also impresses that Christians can use their faith only for comfort, especially if they are ignorant to the truth of science. Christian parents can use this opportunity, though, to share with their children that faith and science do not have to be in opposition to each other. In fact, science, though limited, enriches our knowledge about the universe and creation and gives us a deeper understanding of the greatness of the Creator.

As I said earlier, I believe movies can be a useful tool in educating children in their Christian faith. Christians are called "to live in the world but not of the world." This task can be difficult, especially when one is unsure of what the world is offering. Young Christians can be easily mislead and confused. That is why the role of Christian parent is so important today. I plan on adding a movie review each week. I hope some of this information is helpful when watching movies with the family.

Christian Parenting Begins with Marriage

A few short decades ago, people who wanted to have children got married, and people who did not want to have children did not get married. Today, this is not necessarily the case. According to government statistics, almost 40% of children were born out of wedlock in the U.S. in 2007. It is unclear how many of these were born to Christian mothers, but the number is likely to be significant. Similarly, in the past, couples who got married expected to remain married for a lifetime. This, too, is not necessarily an expectation of today's married couples. According to Barna research in 2008, 33% of Born-Again non Evangelicals chose to divorce their partners, leaving the children to be raised by unmarried or remarried parent(s). It would seem that marriage no longer has the significance it once held. Divorce, once a taboo in Christian communities, is now often considered a rite of passage. An ever increasing number of Christian couples are deciding to forgo having children at all. Many online Christian bulletin boards now host groups for "Childfree Christians." Both of these trends--raising children without the benefit of married parents and marrying without the benefit of having children--seem far removed from a Biblical view of marriage and family.

The Scripture is clear when discussing Christian marriage. God created males and females and designed them to become "one body" when they marry (Genesis 1:27; 2:24). Jesus affirmed this in the Gospel (Matthew 19:4-5). In spite of the obfuscation in our culture today, human sexual anatomy is fairly simple to comprehend. Furthermore, God created men and women with sexual desire so that when they marry they want to spend all of their time loving and pleasing one another. In time, the married couple becomes so closely bonded that they are as one person. Biologically, their union leads to the possibility of childbirth. Sociologically, their binding forms the basis of a stable social unit that is the foundation for raising children. Of course, God never commanded Christians to get married, though marriage is preferable for couples who have strong sexual desires. Paul addressed this subject in his letter to Corinthians, when he advised that, though some may find celibacy an attainable commitment, most people should marry (1 Corinthians 7:8-9). Essentially, marriage is a covenant between one man and one woman who, through their sexual desires for one another, form an indissoluble bond that is open to God's blessing of fertility. Many of today's Christians, however, are confused about, misinformed about, or rebellious towards the Truth about marriage.

What is so confusing for contemporary Christians about marriage? Today's families hear mixed messages about marriage and sexuality coming from different Christian communities. Those from more traditional backgrounds often hear or come to believe that sexual desire is inherently evil. Consequently, they misunderstand the appropriateness of sexual desire within the context of marriage. Because the topic of sexual desire is so taboo for these Christians, it may be difficult for them to recognize,talk about, and cope with their sinful nature. On many occasions, traditional Christians are surprised to face unwed pregnancies themselves or with their children. At the same time, more progressive Christians are taught or become convinced that sexuality should be celebrated rather than prohibited. These Christians, too, misunderstand the design of sexuality within marriage. They may mistakenly conclude that God encourages His people to experience their genuine sexuality, with few limitations. These communities are more accepting and perhaps encouraging of homosexuality, cohabitation, and unwed pregnancy. Indeed, most Christians are no longer instructed that abstinence, either for a short time or long term, is practical or even possible.

Just as modern Christians receive mixed messages about sexuality, they also are inundated with differing ideas regarding marriage and divorce. An increasing number of Christians believe or accept that there is an exception clause, adultery, that allows for divorce (Matthew 5:32). They also believe that if their marriage is disolved, they are also free to marry again if they so desire. In an effort to support these individuals, church communities establish divorce ministries to aid families, particularly with children, through the often painful transition from one family to another. Both traditional and progressive Christians, at times, struggle with the breakup of one marriage, the emotional well being of the children involved, and the social implications of starting a new family with another spouse--all, in their mind, with God's blessing. A growing number of Christians have adopted the idea that marriage itself is simply "ceremonial" and have resolved themselves not to marry but cohabitate instead. Few Christians, these days, accept that marriage is for life or that, if a divorce is necessary in special circumstances, remarriage is unacceptable.

If ideas regarding marriage and divorce are so relaxed, what must Christians think of their fertility? Most Christians agree that the Bible is silent on matters of fertility such as family size, contraception, and fertility treatments. Because the Scripture does not clearly delineate the specific behaviors that are prohibited, these Christians assert that God gives them latitude in fertility matters. For them curtailing family size with contraception, foregoing childbearing altogether, or subjecting oneself to dangerous medical treatments for infertility are permissible. These couples resoundingly believe that, regardless of the techniques they use to avoid or achieve pregnancy, if they conceive or not, God willed it. A growing number of modern Christians are beginning to question this contemporary approach to fertility. These couples see their fertility as a blessing from God and, in spite of social restraints, are rejecting contraception and dangerous fertility treatments. These Christians welcome the children they have naturally or accept childlessness with humility and thankfulness.

How did modern Christians reach this point where their ideas of marriage and family are contrived and artificial---far removed from Biblical Truth? Christians, like the secular world, are susceptible to a logical fallacy that we call the "two percent trap." People fall into the "two percent trap" by believing that the exceptional cases are the norm. These modern Christians look at sexuality in terms of deviant behavior and then assume that all people, including other Christians, are unable to control their sexual passions and feelings. They see a small percentage of individuals struggling with sexual orientation and conclude that alternative sexual orientations are another norm that should be explored. Likewise, they consider divorce, which once was a rare occurrence, a viable option for an unhappy marriage. In a similar way, as the average family size gradually shrinks, modern Christians simply re-adjust their view of what it means to be married and to have children. In other words, rather than have the Scripture challenge and shape their conception of the world, many Christians allow their understanding of the modern world to distort their understanding of the Bible and the Truth found therein.

(Thanks to Te Deum laudamus! for the beautiful photo above.)

http://te-deum.blogspot.com/2008/01/first-tridentine-wedding-at-grotto-in.html