Let Them Eat Rice Cake

We had company for Thanksgiving. It was wonderful to visit with family and it made my mother very happy. But nonetheless, after they left for home, I was exhausted and definitely tired of cooking. So on Saturday after the Holiday, my husband and I used the excuse of going to Lowe's for paint to stop by Wendy's for a burger. Stopping at Wendy's is actually a treat for us. You see, we have children. Unless there's a frosty involved, our smaller children suddenly break out in hives when we drive into the parking lot. They inundate us with the usual complaints. "The French fries here taste like slime." "These chicken nuggets get caught in my throat." "They have beans in their soup!" But on this day, we had no children begging for mercy, so we slid into Wendy's for a burger and chili. It was perfect. I was enjoying the moment, spooning chili in the baby's mouth, when it happened. They sat down at the table beside us, and ruined it all.

They were the cutest little family. Dad with his grammar school aged son and daughter. Normally, I probably wouldn't have even noticed them. But the dad was cutting up the little girl's meat. My first thought was that perhaps she didn't like buns, but then I noticed her brother was eating—wait for it—a salad. I quickly glanced around the table. There were no French fries, frosties, or sodas. All I could see was croutons and those little nifty bottles of water. Okay, now I know I shouldn't be so quick to judge. Maybe the children had allergies or gluten intolerance. Or maybe their personal beliefs hold them to very strict dietary standards. But whatever the reason for their menu choices, I thought it was, well, cruel.

Before you think I'm completely off my rocker, let me offer up this bit of information. Wendy's is a fast food restaurant. One should know that dining there comes with a certain amount of risks. In case you missed this, the food is not good for you. In fact, fast food is terrible for you. As such, I can't imagine why a person concerned with calorie, carbohydrate, saturated fat, or sugar intake would even want to go inside any one of the 300,000 fast food restaurants in the U.S. I mean, the stuff they serve is pure junk. These places are not there for your health. Oh, no. They exist purely for our convenience, and sometimes to satisfy our addictions.

Now, I don't want to go into a deep discussion about obesity and nutrition. After all, I don't want your hard earned tax dollars going to waste by putting Team Nutrition out of job. No, this is not a blog about healthy eating. If you really want to know how the digestive system works, ask Dr. Oz. He's full of information and books telling you what you already know. You see, I believe that most adults figured this nutrition thing out long ago. Eat too much, get fat. Cut out the sugar, loose 10 pounds. Apples are better for you than Gummie Bears. It's not rocket science, and we don't need biologists, anthropologists, or Oprah to explain it all to us. But for all the focus on obese adults and children, most people forget that this is just as big and issue as obesity. Where are all the news reports about this or this? As if that weren't disturbing enough, there are news reports like this one, where children are anxious—yes, anxious—about what types of food they eat. What in the world is going on?

I think this whole food obsession and fitness craze took off in the 1960s and it all started with this man. In 1936, while average Americans were searching for full time work and mourning the loss of Bonnie and Clyde, Jack LaLanne was opening up a fitness center in California. While the Okies were starving to death in California, Jack LaLanne was telling people "if your food tastes good, spit it out." I suspect had conditions in the U.S. remained the same for another decade, Jack LaLanne might have remained just another California crack-pot suffering from too much heat. But alas, the prosperity of the post-war 1950s landed Americans with luxury, resources, and televisions. Jack LaLanne had a TV show, a few households had microwave ovens, and the fast-food industry was born. With each decade of progress, Americans have become more self-absorbed and obsessed. And as first educators of our children, we are passing our obsessions on.

Just like most Christians, our own family is not immune to food/health obsession. Throughout my adult life I've battled with a variety of health issues, including eating properly. There have been times where both of us were working outside the home and in those times, we depended heavily on fast or convenience foods. We've also, on occasion, had to struggle with the rising costs of fresh produce while we pay our bills. We've dealt with picky eaters, children with a sweet-tooth, and over dependence on fast food. We've argued with doctors over the size of our babies and what foods they eat or don't eat. We've worried over our family histories of high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, and cancer. We've struggled with our own sins—pride, gluttony, greed, and anger. Through it all we've tried to keep our focus on Jesus—His strength, His Word, and His hope.

Yes, our bodies are the temple of the Lord. As such, the Holy Spirit dwells in us and our bodies belong to God. We have a duty, then, to take care of our bodies as best we can, in our circumstances. For our family, that means we try to eat a variety of foods. More importantly, we make every effort to eat at home, together, around our huge kitchen table. For us, it's more than just the food, since most of the time, some child is picking over the peas or piling ketchup on the pork chops. We talk about our days, things we read on the news, laugh at the 3 year olds jokes, or listen to Grandma as she revisits something from her childhood. With our meals, we thank God for His blessings and are reminded that our very sustenance comes, not from what we can do for ourselves, but from God alone.

In a few days, I will be making Christmas cookies with the children. I assure you, they will not be healthy. They'll be full of sugar and some will be covered with chocolate. We'll make a huge mess, sing carols, and devour them. We'll talk about the Incarnation of Jesus, the Word made Flesh. We'll share some cookies with our neighbors and friends. The sweet treats probably won't be good for our bodies, but they'll certainly be good for our spirits.

It is not what enters one's mouth that defiles that person; but what comes out of the mouth is what defiles one….For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, unchastity, theft, false witness, blasphemy. (Matthew 15:11,19)

The Ins and Outs of Potty Training

My desire to post about potty training stems from several posts of a friend on Facebook. My friend was frustrated with her three-year-old boy who liked the idea of big-boy underwear, but didn’t seem to grasp the concept that going to the potty went along with the new BVDs. One of her friends posted something about learning “the ins and outs of potty training,” which started a string of thoughts and ideas and feelings that I wanted to express.

But my comments were both too lengthy and too serious for a venue like Facebook. So, I discussed my ideas with dear wife, who reviews my posts as I review hers. She immediately questioned, “What’s potty training have to do with Christianity?”

I knew she was going to ask that! She never lets me get away with anything! But, like a wily teenager, I had anticipated her question. “Didn’t you read somewhere recently that the average age of potty training has shifted younger since the 1950’s? That parents used to potty train at around age 3-4, but now it’s more like 1-2?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she responded.

“Do you think you could find that reference?” I queried.

“I might,” she replied, then paused a moment and continued, “But that still doesn’t answer what potty-training has to do with Christianity?”

Sounding like a Bush cabinet member, I replied, “Traditional Christian values.” That was a fair response, though cliché.

She reluctantly conceded, then pressed: “But how does potty training relate to raising Christian children?”

My second response was even shakier. Sounding like a Freudian, I said, “The first time most kids learn about discipline is during potty training. Potty training sets the tone for any further education on self-discipline, morals, and values.” I waited for the loud thunderclap that seems to follow any time I express a flash of psychological theory into our conversations.

“It’s a stretch,” she said. “Write it if you must.”

But my thoughts on the subject of potty training were quite complicated. I kept thinking about an essay by philosopher Martin Heidegger, “The Question Concerning Technology,” in which Heidegger argued that we moderns see everything in terms of technology. With this manner of thinking in mind, the “ins and outs” of potty training became, to me, an industrial or even computer metaphor for raising one’s children. What goes into the machine/computer/child thus has a direct impact on what comes out. Control the raw materials/data/nutrition that goes in and one can control the output. This, of course, is a rather explicit interpretation of the phrase, “ins and outs.” Generally, the phrase can also mean developing a deeper understanding of the subject such as “knowing the subject inside and out.” In either case, whether one’s understanding is explicit or general, Heidegger’s observation can be aptly applied to the subject of potty training. For many modern parents, teaching their children to use the toilet is a problem to be solved. Potty training becomes a science that requires carefully administered techniques and interventions. These modern parents may even buy a book instructing them on how to potty train.

I should note here that it may seem odd to refer to an atheistic philosopher in a blog on Christian parenting. In defense of Heidegger, though, I would say that the German atheist provided an inroad to understanding Christianity in so far and Christianity is essentially an ancient practice. Heidegger understood the difference between how moderns think and how ancients thought. Heidegger can be instructive because, in many respects, for a modern person to become a Christian is a project of learning to think like an ancient person. Specifically, this means thinking about one’s children not in technological terms, but in terms of love and character. To the modern way of thinking, children are like clay that needs to be shaped, molded, and formed. To an ancient manner of thought, children are like acorns that will grow into the people the Creator made them to be.

This distinction can be quite apparent when it comes to potty training. A modern way of looking at toilet training is that the children, like domestic pets, require parental involvement to develop the ability to control their bladder and bowels. A more ancient way of looking at the subject is to recognize that children—as human beings, distinct from the animal kingdom—will naturally develop the ability to control their digestive output as a process of reasoning and natural inclination. Granted, even to the ancients, the children may require some degree of parental discipline or instruction, but overall the process occurs as a development of their essential nature. The most important aspect of potty training to parents who think like ancients is staying out of the way and waiting for the child to be ready.

Of course, most contemporary parents have the added complication of daycare when it comes to potty training. Parents may have the patience to wait for the 3-year-old boy to come around and develop control, but their daycare provider is likely to become weary of an untrained toddler. For this reason, parents and providers have striven to train toddlers at younger and younger ages. They create eating schedules and potty schedules, all in an attempt to gain control of the child’s bladder and bowels. They can be quite successful. But, to me, it often seems more like the parents are the ones being trained and the children would merely resort to their own inclinations in the absence of the routine and structure.

Since I first wanted to write about this topic several weeks ago, dear wife and I have had several conversations on this topic, and she has realized there was actually more to the topic than appeared at first. The insights about potty training also apply to a variety of modern trends in parenting, from early reading and math instruction to no child left behind. Modern society has forgotten that children are a blessing from God-- that each child is unique, and that parents should learn to appreciate each child’s God-given proclivities. Parenting is more than any science or art form; parenting is an act of love and an expression of character.

P.S. The actual history of potty training is complex and uncertain, having multiple influencing factors and mostly anecdotal evidence. Nonetheless, it seems to me that the scientific approach to potty training is uniquely modern and potentially dehumanizing.

Saints, Souls, and Saturday

Every year, I usually approach Halloween with a tiny bit of anxiety. This year is no exception. Most times, I'm racing around town at the last minute looking for vampire teeth, tiaras, and tootsie rolls. I worry if we have enough candy or if I bought too much. I'm usually trying to stuff a hotdog down every one's throat before they race off to collect candy. Most of the time, I'm still sewing bunny tails or painting on mustaches while kids are knocking on the door. But this year, I won't be doing any of that. I've had enough and our family has decided to take our Holy Day back.

As October rolled around, I realized that Halloween this year was on Saturday. Now that's a happy realization in our house, for several reasons. Payday is on Friday. This makes last minute candy buying ideal. Hiding candy is practically impossible with 6 children, 5 of whom can smell the chocolate cooking in Hershey. The only way to keep candy around here is to buy something gross like Circus Peanuts. But I digress. Saturday is always a good day for Halloween because, well it's Saturday. I imagined we could dedicate the whole day to Halloween activities. We could catch the parade in the morning, pick up a pumpkin at ½ price from the farmer's market, carve out a neat jack-o-lantern, order a pizza, get dressed up, take the little one's door to door, come home and separate the good candy from the bad, let the children eat more than 2 pieces of candy, throw the kids in the bath, and still have time to watch a movie. It was ideal. Until our mayor decided Saturday night trick-or-treating wasn't safe for the children.

Yep, you heard that right. In case you are wondering, all dangerous people and tricksters wait until the sun goes down on Saturday to engage in criminal activity. Saturday afternoon, the mayor figured, would hinder teenage trouble makers and potential pedophiles from frightening young children and their parents. Needless to say, parents across our fair town inundated the mayor's office with complaints. After all, in what universe is trick-or-treating at 3 PM any fun? Boca Raton, maybe. So the decision was made, by the powers that be, for Halloween to be moved to Thursday, October 29^th.

Now normally, I don't give a hoot. I dress my kids up and off we go. But this year, it hit me like a ton of bricks. The mayor can't move Halloween. I can't move Halloween. Even the President can't move Halloween. Nobody can tell us when to celebrate it, remember it, or recognize it—it's a religious holiday. Now there, I said it. Halloween is a religious holiday and yet, somewhere along the way, some well-meaning people have forgotten that. Somehow this remarkable, joyous holiday got usurped by secular society. And for what it's worth, we Christians let it happen.

When I was a kid, Halloween was the greatest day ever. It was a different time then. Our parents didn't much care where we went or how long we were gone. They just wanted to sort through our candy when we got home so they could eat our chocolate. Every kid in the neighborhood knew all the best houses to go to. Costumes were no big deal, but everyone had one. I always ended up being a witch with one of those green plastic masks that looked like this. We'd all meet up at one central location and ride our bikes, if we had to, just to get Fizzies and Marathon bars. Trick or treating in those days was serious business. It wasn't for babies; it was for school-aged kids. Grandmas handed out homemade cookies and fudge. Parents went to parties. Teenagers went to baby-sit. It was harmless and it was fun. I grew up and never really thought much about Halloween as anything other than candy and ghost stories. But by the 80s, all that had changed.

I think the madness began with this little gem from 1978. Soon enough, the media started reporting about the "dangers" of Halloween, and the next thing you know, there were monsters lurking everywhere. Parents waited in panic for children to return home. They weren't looking through candy bags for the kids' best pieces of chocolate; they were looking for razor blades in the Sugar Daddies. Yuppie parents threw their kids candy apples in the garbage and begged their radiologist friends to x-ray anything left in the wrappers. Soon babysitters were forced to walk the neighborhoods with their charges and miss the one night of the year they could have their boyfriends over unsupervised. Parents quit going to parties and started hosting them instead. Haunted hayrides turned into The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Halloween morphed from the most fun night on the planet to the most dangerous day in the life of a child. Local churches only did what they thought was best. To fight the evil, they started having Fall Festivals. Kids flocked into church basements in Care Bear costumes so they could play games and eat cookies. Only the teenagers were left to gallivant around the streets, egging cars and rolling houses.

In the two decades (yes, I said 20 years), the general idea of a safe Halloween hasn't changed all that much, but the trick-or-treating stuff definitely has. Trick-or-Treat Night is firmly entrenched in American culture and there are now some general rules. There can be no trick-or-treating on Friday or Sunday nights. Friday night is for high school football. Trick-or-treating on Sunday is sacrilegious. A baby's first Halloween is a social milestone. Candy is so, well, passé. Pre-packaged fruit slices, school supplies, and kid-sized toothpaste are the choices of modern families. Not to be outdone, more and more churches are offering this as an alternative. In spite of these efforts by Christians, Halloween has lost all its real significance and has become one big giant costume contest. Parents spend months looking for the perfect costume that accentuates their infant's/toddler's/preschooler's cuteness. This was a best seller last year. What that has do with Halloween, I've yet to discover. In fact, I can't figure out what trick-or-treating and candy even have to do with Halloween. Somebody has capitalized on OUR Holiday and I think it's high time we take it back. I suppose, though, before Christians can actually take it back, they must realize why we celebrate it in the first place.

The early Christian church sprang from Judaism. As such, Christianity and Judaism share similar texts and beliefs. One of those beliefs is life after death. Well before the life of Jesus, Jewish rabbis were already teaching about the afterlife and the purification of souls. The Biblical book of 2 Maccabees offers a glimpse of the practices and beliefs of the Jewish people at that time. These beliefs remain an important part of Jewish faith. Early Christians, who were Jews of varying sects, brought these ideas of the afterlife with them as the Church developed. The tradition in the early Church included the belief that, for a time, souls went to a place for purification before they entered into eternity with Our Lord. Those Christians who live lives of virtue and charity will go on after death to share in the Beatific Vision—the face of God. The Church, through the ages, has referred to these men and women as Saints. There are plenty that we know by name and others that have died without their names ever being known. The communion of saints, as recited in the Apostle's Creed, refers to these saints in heaven, but also the saints waiting purification in Purgatory and the believers here on earth. With these beliefs as foundation, the early Christians began setting aside days of the year to pray for those, both known and unknown, who had died in martyrdom. As the Church grew in size and spread throughout the Roman Empire, it became clear that their needed to be one day set aside in the Church to recognize and prayer for the saints. In 610, Pope Boniface did just that by proclaiming May 13 as the Feast of All Holy Martyrs. It is unclear why the feast day was moved, but in 835 Pope Gregory IV moved the date to November 1 and proclaimed the day as All Saints Day. Traditionally, Feast Days were often celebrated as vigils, or in the evening. Thus, All Saints Day became commonly known as All Hallows Eve, or Halloween.

Under ordinary circumstances, this is where the story of Halloween would end. But since the Church has always been a mission Church, some things unexpected often happen. The Church in those times had the conversion of the whole known world as her goal. As missionaries moved into the corners of the world, they often faced groups of people who had long established belief systems and rituals. This was exactly the case as the Church began moving into the land of the Celts—not these Celtics, but these Celtics. The Celtic Pagans had many rituals, celebrations, and festivals to recognize their gods. One of the most significant festivals, Samhain, took place around the same time of year. Samhain (pronounced Sah-win) means "summer's end." The Pagans believed that on this day the boundaries between the world of the living and the world of the dead became very thin, thus making it possible for the dead to return. They marked this time of year with bonfires, dancing, and dressing in disguises. This fascination with the dead was firmly entrenched in Celtic culture and it became quite difficult for Christian missionaries to explain the Mysteries of the Church. Rather than risk losing the souls of the Celts, the Church instituted sound doctrine and tradition, but allowed some practice of Pagan customs to ease the adjustment period. As Christianity spread, however, these old ways eventually lost their meaning and these practices died out. What remained, instead, was the knowledge and practice that just souls who believe in the Resurrection need not fear death. Unfortunately, Halloween was doomed, if you will, shortly after the Protestant Reformation.

Martin Luther, as is well known, rejected many of the traditions and some of the Scriptures that the Christian Church held as Truth. One of the ideas he rejected was the idea of Purgatory and prayers for the dead. As a result, the church that grew out of his movement could only recognize the Feast of All Souls as a memorial for those in heaven and those left on earth. Any real significance of the Holiday was lost long before these Christians began to settle in the New World. As a result, most of the early Americans had little understanding of the importance of All Saints Day. How, then, has Halloween returned to the celebration that it is today? There are lots of rumors that the Irish Catholics brought these traditions when they settled in the Northeast. There are also rumors about Satanists and Witches in the first colonies. Most of these stories are unfounded. More than likely the idea of trick-or-treating on Halloween has more to do with poverty than sorcery. In the 1930s, children in larger cities often dressed in disguise around the Thanksgiving Holidays and begged for food. They stood around pastry shops and candy stores, in particular. Probably because many Catholic families in the East were celebrating Masses on Halloween, that night became a particularly easy evening to beg for food. Since most Americans were unfamiliar with the theology behind the celebrations, post WWII America was able to capitalize on the idea. By the 1950s, Walt Disney, the Hershey Co., and a host of other kid-focused companies had found a market. Trick-or-Treating soon became fully recognized by adults and children as an American Holiday. Inevitably though, as all religious significance was stripped away, Halloween is becoming more focused on the macabre and the supernatural. In many ways the festival has returned to its Pagan roots, where there is more focus on the actions of the dead than on the actions of the living. The real meaning of the day—that upon death, just souls will share in the Vision of Our Lord—is lost.

As All Saints Day draws closer, I would like to end with this prayer.

O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of Hell, lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of Thy mercy.

Amen.

Think Pink, Go Green

The month of October has been designated as Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As such, I've been hearing a lot about breast cancer and finding a cure. I know a few people who are involved in raising awareness through programs like this and this. Even the NFL has gotten in on the action. Breast cancer is an insidious disease. It has touched my own life through family members. Raising awareness and finding a cure for breast cancer is certainly a worthy cause and I don't want to diminish the time, money, and effort Americans put into cancer awareness programs. But I do want to shift the focus.

October is also Respect Life Month. Begun by the Catholic bishops in America in 1972, the Respect Life program stresses the value and dignity of human life from the moment of conception until natural death. Each year, the Catholic Church in America seeks to bring attention to any number of issues affecting the dignity of and infringing upon the rights of people. Here, you can read the bishop's statement launching this year's Respect Life Month. Many of these life issues are somewhat controversial in the minds of the public, but also among many Christians, as well. I would like to talk about one of these controversial topics, contraception, not only because it affects the dignity of women, but also because it might be causing them cancer as well.

Breast cancer awareness has taken up a huge block of media this month. The Lifetime Channel is integrating the subject in several of their programs. Because of all this attention, I thought I might check out the facts and statistics for myself. All of it is very confusing, to say the least. I did find out a few things though. A total of 2.4 million Americans die each year. Of those, cancer claims the lives of 560,000 people. Statistically, that is pretty significant. 23% of American deaths can be attributed to cancer. From all the media attention, I imagined that breast cancer might account for a large number of these cases, but I was wrong. The actual number of women who die from breast cancer each year is about 40,000. In other words, less than 2% of deaths in America are breast cancer related. In fact, more people die each year from kidney disease than from breast cancer. But I did discover something rather alarming while wading through the quagmire of statistics and research—breast cancer among young women is on the rise. What was once an "old woman" disease is now the leading cause of death in women under 50. Why? What has changed so dramatically in our culture or among women to bring about this plight? Has breast cancer always silently inflicted young women? Is there anything we can do about it? What, if anything, does any of this have to do with respecting life or Christianity?

I'm not certain that anyone will ever be able to definitively determine what causes breast cancer. Over the years lots of organizations have pinpointed the culprits—electromagnetic fields, cow's milk, and plastic. Some ideas get dismissed as quickly as rowdy customers in Walmart. Others, like this one, seem to linger as long as there is an agenda to promote. However, researchers have known for decades that a woman's lifetime exposure to estrogen is associated with her risk of developing breast cancer. That seems pretty straightforward to me. Considering that men make up less than 1% of breast cancer cases, it's probably likely that estrogen plays a fairly significant role in the disease. Normally, women have little control over their estrogen levels. Most young girls are caught by surprise when they first begin menstruating. Older women go through years of waning cycles before menopause. Estrogen is unpredictable. It makes us irritable. It makes us feel euphoric. It makes us emotional. It makes us fat. It gives us the ability to bring new life into the world. And, yes, it leaves us susceptible to breast cancer. None of this has changed in the last 50 years. But something has. More than 85% of women have used some form of hormonal contraceptive during their reproductive years. There is no doubt that widespread use of hormonal contraceptives has changed women. But it may be killing them, as well.

I don't want to go into a long, drawn out discussion on the origins of the oral contraceptive pill. It would take up most of this space and a lot of time. But a quick look at the history of the birth control movement will lead anyone straight to Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood. Her motives for controlling the births of babies are no secret. For 4 decades, Margaret Sanger dreamed of a "magic pill" that would suppress a woman's fertility. Her vision became reality when, in 1951, she met scientists who were willing to help her. The process of providing a contraceptive pill to the public was long and arduous. Reluctantly, the FDA granted approval to market the drug for limited use in 1960. In May of that year, oral contraceptives became the only drug marketed not to treat a medical illness. The safety issues with hormonal contraceptives at the time were dismissed and continue to be misrepresented or ignored all together. Hormonal contraceptives, whether in the form of pills, patches, or injections, continue to be prescribed to healthy women for long term use for the sole purpose of addressing a social issue. The introduction of a contraceptive pill was the beginning of one of the greatest social experiments of our time using women as guinea pigs.

Currently, there are 6 types of hormonal contraceptives available to women in the U.S. Those hormones are either synthetic estrogen or progestin or a combination thereof. Most, if not all, of those hormones are listed in the 11^th Report on Carcinogens, a report issued periodically by the Department of Health and Human Services. This report identifies substances that are known to or are reasonably assumed to cause some form of cancer. It has been known for some time that estrogen causes blood clots, which increases the risk of stroke. There continues to be debate regarding birth control pills and heart disease. And new research continues to surface regarding synthetic progestin and breast cancer. There are also studies linking hormonal contraceptives to liver disease, migraine headaches, and a host of psychological issues. It has also been suggested that the use of hormonal contraceptives has a significant impact on women's partner selection. It seems that infertile women prefer boyish faces to chiseled profiles. It also seems that men actually find fertile women to be more attractive. Based on this information alone, I wonder how anyone could argue that the benefits of hormonal birth control outweigh the risk. And then it occurred to me. Our society, including Christians, is willing to overlook this evil in the name of practicality or pragmatism.

It's certainly reasonable to assume that controlling one's fertility has given women, and men for that matter, a considerable amount of freedom. Because they don't have to worry about pregnancy, women have much more power in their sexual relationships. They are able to satisfy their sexual needs without giving much consideration to their partners. Men and women are able to postpone marriage while enjoying an active sex life. Many couples choose to live together in "trial" marriages without making long term commitments. Couples who do marry are free to focus indefinitely on their emotional and financial needs without having children. Women are able to concentrate on their careers by remaining in the workforce for much longer periods of time. Because of this financial security, women are able to leave marriages where they are unhappy or uncomfortable. Yet this freedom women enjoy comes at a price. Men are able to delay their own adolescence because there is no real expectation that they will become fathers. Men are able to reduce women to sexual objects, a means to satisfy their own sexual desires, while disregarding her physical and emotional needs. Men no longer have to be committed in their sexual relationship, therefore leaving women feeling confused and vulnerable. Any pregnancy that results through contraception is, by nature, unintended by one person or the other. According to the Guttmacher Institute, nearly half of all pregnancies in the U.S. are unintended. In their report, 54% of women who had abortions were using some form of contraception. Surprisingly, a large number of these women are Christians. Many women who embrace their unintended pregnancy often find themselves raising children alone. The social ramifications of all these situations are only beginning to be understood.

Even though these social problems are only now coming to light, they were foreseen long ago when oral contraceptives were first made available to the public. In 1968, Pope Paul VI, almost prophetically, addressed these very issues in his Encyclical Letter, Humanae Vitae (On Human Life). He recognized the increasing demands society was placing on families, especially larger ones. He also recognized the changing of women's roles in that society. But in his wisdom, guided by the Holy Spirit, he also understood the intrinsic evil associated with the direct and deliberate practice of contraception. Although Pope Paul VI couldn't possibly have realized the medical difficulties women might face, he certainly was able to predict the breakdown of marriage, the loss of respect for women, and the general lowering of moral standards in our society. In spite of his words, Christians rejected the notion that ultimately God is in charge of the number of children they have. They instead eagerly embraced what has proven to be evil in order to accomplish what they viewed as a greater good. They dismissed the idea that men and women are called by God to gain mastery over their desires and emotions. They overlooked God's design of a loving marriage, two spouses responsible for each other's physical and emotional well-being. They pushed aside the realization that marriage requires commitment, responsibility, and sacrifice. And they ultimately rejected the understanding that life is a precious gift, given only by God, not left to the arbitrary emotions of mankind.

Prayer for Reverence of Life

All mighty God, giver of all that is good, we thank you for the precious gift of human life.

For life in the womb, coming from your creative power.

For the life of children, making us glad with their freshness and promise.

For the life of young people, hoping for a better world.

For the life of the handicapped and disabled, teaching us humility.

For the life of the elderly, witnessing the ageless values of patience and wisdom.

Like the Blessed Virgin Mary, may we always say yes to your gift. May we defend it and promote it from conception to it's natural end and bring us at last, O Father, to eternal life, in Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Intimacy is Not Just a River in Egypt

Our 17-year-old son has disclosed something surprising to us, but perhaps common in today’s youth culture. Read on, and let me know what you think.

No, he is not a homosexual. But he does seem counter-cultural, particularly in how he approaches teenaged dating. Here’s his dilemma: A number of our son’s teenaged friends have told him lately that, if he just made a commitment, he could have a girlfriend. These young people—many from good, Christian families--have told him that he could have plenty of dates if he only chose a girlfriend first. Remarkably, he responded with a wisdom and maturity that I wish I had possessed at his age. He argued back to his peers that dating wasn’t supposed to work that way. He asserted that dating should come first, and if he found someone he really liked, he could pick a girlfriend. He also reasoned that, as he gets older, the narrowing down process will continue into engagement and someday probably marriage. Maybe he should bring this discussion up in his Statistics class. As a senior in high school, he’s looking forward to college and maybe graduate school. He’s in no hurry to select a mate.

Select a mate! That sounds so biological! Why is a blog dedicated to Christian families speaking about dating or courtship in such coarse, biological terms? The answer is simple. Mating or procreation is the goal and purpose of marriage. All the other stuff that moderns talk about—companionship, shared responsibilities, common goals, complimentary values—are important factors towards healthy relationships, but they mean nothing without biology. God endowed each human being with a biological drive, and even at that level of raw instinct, human beings tend to be remarkably selective. Call it magnetic attraction. Honestly, how frequently do a young man and a young woman really have magnetic attraction? One in a hundred, one in a thousand, one in ten thousand times?

Of course, these relatively rare moments of intersexual magnetism are not sufficient cause for mating and procreation. And human beings are capable of resisting these biological urges. Nonetheless, the existence and struggle with these impulses can be wonderfully instructive and enlightening for young people. In short, if God made them magnetically attracted to certain individuals, they should be aware of the attractions and the patterns they represent. Unbalanced, their impulses will lead them astray; absent of the propensities, their lives will lack motivation. A recent example that I heard on Christian radio is illustrative: A college freshman, reeling from a bad relationship, asked something like this: “Should I select my next partner in a relationship based on compatibility or chemistry?” The psychologist/minister guest didn’t have an answer on the spot. But the answer was obvious—both and more! You should choose your mate not just based upon compatibility or chemistry, but both and more including common values, goals, and beliefs. God gave young men and women brains to figure out the logic of compatibility, but also sexual urges to harness, drive, and motivate them. Just as it would be foolish to pursue a sexual attraction with an otherwise incompatible mate, it would also be folly to commit to a partner with whom one had no sexual magnetism.

A lot is written today about compatibility. For the most part, compatibility boils down to what I talked about in a previous blog—identity. Until a young person’s identity has begun to coalesce, that young person will be incapable of forming an intimate sexual relationship with another human being. Any entanglement between two immature individuals (i.e. without developed identities) can only result in the negation of each partner’s identity or the domination of one over the other. In other words, adolescents who attempt to engage in sexual intimacy will either experience their own budding identities dissolving into the quagmire or becoming subject to the domination of another. These are hardly the goals of liberalism or feminism, the very movements that espouse sexual freedom for adolescents! In other words, though a significant portion of today’s adolescents are sexually active, they are developmentally incapable of experiencing intimacy.

Today’s pandemic of sex without intimacy is made possible by one modern invention in particular—birth control. In today’s secular society, biology is something to be thwarted. The modern secular world is guilty of circumventing the natural, sexual biology of young people. Today’s non-Christian family (and, sadly, sometimes the Christian family) has a condom drawer in some discrete location for the children to use, no questions asked. Or the children simply procure prophylactics gratis from school or the health department. In a pinch, they’ll go to the drug store. Just as often, mothers cart their pubescent daughters off to the doctor or health department for birth-control pills or shots. This viewpoint seems fairly representative of the secular perspective on the topic. The net result of all this contraception is that young people are removed from an intimate awareness of their sexuality, particularly the feelings that are inherent to sexual attraction.

The behavioral disconnect occurs because sexual intercourse, now under the wavering thumb of contraception, ceases to have any expected consequence. Young people today feel free to experiment with their sexuality without regard to producing children and therefore without the need of the life-long commitment it takes to raise a child. Nonetheless, their instinctive yearning for fidelity and reliability remains, and they often find themselves irrationally jealous or possessive. Without any concrete reason for these inherent emotions, they repress their feelings and continue to behave in ways that only exacerbate theirs and their partners’ emotions. Some examples are promiscuity and serial monogamy. Without the palpable fear of childbirth, many young people lack the discernment to avoid fornication. They fail to connect sexuality to the profound emotional attachments it produces. They repress their awareness of their own human nature, pretending not to feel angry, jealous, or hurt when they or their partner moves on to the next bed-mate.

The casual attitude toward birth control may have biological consequences as well. Though human beings are capable of sexual intercourse outside of periods of fertility, the human species is nonetheless influenced by fertility. Though human men are capable of sex with a partner incapable of getting pregnant, they are instinctively most attracted to ovulating females. From this reasoning, it follows that sex with a woman who is on birth control (essentially feigning pregnancy and incapable of procreation) is likely to take on a completely different nature than sex between two fertile individuals. Likewise, women on birth control find different men attractive than women not on contraception. They are less apt to seek mates who are more genetically diverse—a common survival strategy for most species—in lieu of partners who are actually more genetically similar. Birth control pills may alter women’s ability to detect pheromones, thus rendering them incapable of distinguishing a suitable partner. This change in women’s preferences should be startling to women who use oral contraceptives. They may find themselves attracted to an individual when under the false veneer of hormonal contraception, but find themselves quite disinterested when they go off contraception in order to have children.

Realistically, contraception and the birth-control pill are enduring realities in the society in which today’s Christian parents raise their children. Thus, the question for Christian parents is not so much how to change society but how to change their relationship with their children. Our 17-year-old son is growing up in a world in which a significantly higher percentage of his peers are sexually active than previous generations (If you click on no other links, click on this one. Graph at top powerfully demonstrates my point). This change was especially dramatic with the advent of the birth-control pill. In the face of societal trends, school-based abstinence-only sexual education programs have been shown to be ineffective. NPR and CNN joyously announced the study results that reportedly denounce abstinence-only education (more to come on that in an upcoming “Mental Heath Desk” topic). The liberal media also downplayed the reality that teenage pregnancy declined at the same time that abstinence-only instruction was on the rise. The progressives fail to acknowledge that, like it or not, abstinence is now a real part of the dialogue on teenage sexuality. If nothing else—even if these school-based abstinence programs were completely ineffective—those of us who believe that children are capable of resisting their libidos have been heard. School-based efforts at teaching abstinence-only, especially in public schools, appear to be destined to fail for the vast majority of students. Teens require the backing of their parents before they will accept such instruction. Furthermore, though the schools may have been unable to reach the children, there is nothing comparable to a consistent relationship between a child and his or her parents, even in the teenage years. Thus, parents who have a consistent dialogue with their children regarding dating, relationships, marriage, values, emotions, and sex are likely to have a significant impact.

Recent events indicate that our 17-year-old son deserves an A+ in Abstinence-Only Instruction. Next year, as he goes off to college, where in most cases COED dorms are the norm, I dearly hope he remembers his lessons.

P.S. No, that is not my son getting cozy with Miley Cyrus in the photo above.

Oh What a Tangled Web......

I realized this week that it has been a month since I’ve blogged. I’ve let the daily intricacies of our life take priority. Since school started, we have had soccer practices and games, Cub Scout meetings, and college visits. It’s taken awhile, but we are slowly falling into a routine. As such, we haven’t really had time to watch a lot of children’s movies. Oh sure, there has been some movie watching, but nothing worth blogging about. In fact, it is by accident that I even have a movie to blog about this week. Since I haven’t really been paying that much attention to our Netflix move queue, I was actually surprised we had something really interesting to watch.

When Coraline arrived in the mail, I had never actually heard of it. My husband remarked that it was produced by Henry Selick and Tim Burton, who produced James and the Giant Peach and The Nightmare Before Christmas. I wasn’t particularly impressed. When our oldest son was about 5 or 6, my mother gave him a copy of the movie James and the Giant Peach for a gift. I thought it was dark, somber, and without merit. That is probably why I never was eager to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas when it came out. Needless to say, I wasn’t expecting much from Coraline. In fact, if I had known about its origins, I probably wouldn’t have gotten it at all. But there it was and the children were whining. What else could I do?

Now usually when I pop in a movie for the little ones, I go about my business. I’ve seen Sleeping Beauty, The Incredibles, and Spider Man at least 40 or 50 times. Watching them at this point would only provide me with really crazy trivia, like the colors of all the Seven Dwarfs’ hats. But Coraline entranced me from the beginning and I just had to watch it. Once I got into it, I’m glad I watched with the children. It was delightfully creepy. It reminded me why I love fairy tales. And it was way better than Barbie Mariposa.

Coraline (PG) is an animated film, based on a novella by the same name. Dakota Fanning is the voice behind Coraline, the only, lonely child of Mel and Charlie Jones. As the story begins, the family moves into a huge, rural Victorian style home that has been converted into several apartments. They share the house with some very interesting characters—two retired actresses and a Russian ex-acrobat. The family’s landlord, Mrs. Lovat, has a talkative grandson named Wyborne, who attempts to befriend Coraline when she moves in. Coraline finds her parents boring and pre-occupied with their work as writers. Since they have little time for her, Coraline spends her days playing in the gardens, making friends with the neighbors, and exploring the house. In an effort to get close to Coraline, Wybie gives her a hand-made doll with button eyes that bears a striking resemblance to Coraline. About that same time, Coraline discovers a small doorway hidden in the house. At night, she is able to travel through the doorway to the Other World. In this parallel universe, Coraline’s Other Parents are warm and attentive and her neighbors are young and exciting. Soon Coraline discovers that her Other World is not what it seems. When her Other Mother reveals her true nature, Coraline is faced with the possibility that her normal life and parents may be lost to her forever.

I don’t know what the writer’s intended, but Coraline is a bit like an old fashioned fairy tale. I say “old fashioned” because fairy tales have changed a lot over time. I was first introduced to these old tales when I was in High School. I was lucky enough to have an English teacher who let us watch movies in class. There was a catch, though. We had to write about them afterwards. One of the first movies we watched was The Company of Wolves, a gothic thriller that resembles the children’s story of Little Red Riding Hood. That movie led me to the fascinating world of fairy tales, Charles Perrault, and the Brothers Grimm. Originally, their stories weren’t necessarily for children. They were sometimes grisly or graphic and always accompanied by a moral. Coraline is exactly that—so be warned.

As I mentioned before, I wasn’t sure about the content of Coraline. We watched the movie with our 8 year-old and 3 year-old sons and our 5 year old daughter. For awhile, everyone was pretty happy. Then it started. The movie got really creepy when Coraline traveled, Alice-in-Wonderland style, through the doorway. It became, quite frankly, really scary. Honestly, it took me by surprise as well. The movie got particularly scary as Other Mother’s true character was revealed to Coraline. In spite of the rats and bats, I don’t think those scenes are necessarily distressing to older children. What bothered me more was the portrayal of the actresses in the Other World. In my opinion, it was animated burlesque, right down to the tassels. Even the fate of poor Wybie bothered me less than those dancing old ladies. In spite of that, though, it’s worth watching. The writers might not know it, but, in the fashion of Grimm and Perrault, there is a big, fat, juicy moral for Christians.

Most people who watch will probably agree that there is a moral to this story. I suspect, though, they’ll be thinking morals a la Disney. They’ll probably say something like, “Be careful what you wish for.” Or “Goth girls have brains, too.” They may be right. But as a Christian, I think there is something much more interesting to discuss. The Devil is the Father of Lies and he will do anything to convince Christians to reject Our Lord.

In the movie, Coraline is clearly unhappy that her parents are unable to devote all their attention to her. She perceives their lack of attention as lack of love. In this state of mind, Coraline is vulnerable to the Other Mother’s schemes. The Other Mother draws Coraline into her world by fulfilling all of Coraline’s wishes and desires. Coraline becomes so mesmerized by this world that she returns several times. Coraline finally begins to realize the danger of Other Mother only when she insists that Coraline trade her eyes for buttons to live with her. In a similar way, the Devil attempts to draw Christians away from God. Because of mankind’s fallen nature, human beings have sinful desires and inclinations. Satan is clever. He convinces us that following our passions will make us happier, stronger, smarter, and better. For a time, this may be true. Just as Coraline was drawn to her Other World, we turn to our sinful behavior looking for happiness. That happiness is short lived, however, when we realize that we must repent or remain separated from God.

Satan, sin, and vice are not very popular subjects these days. In fact, vices are often considered virtues by modern society. At the very least, they are labeled as diseases or conditions. Under these circumstances, it can be difficult for Christians to separate Satan’s lies from God’s Truth. It can certainly be difficult for Christian parents to help their children sort out the messages they get from the media and society. It might be difficult but certainly not impossible with the graces of God. Dante’s Inferno might help, but I forgot—that’s just a video game. I’m thinking I’ll just stick to the fairy tales.

(Photo Credit: Donna Garde, Texas Parks & Wildlife)

Beauty Fades, God is Forever

I have no movie review this week. We were so busy trying to get the children ready for school and adjusted to new bed times that we simply did not make family movie night a priority. Instead, I decided to watch some television with my mother. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t mention this, but my mother and I have very different ideas of what makes good television watching. She likes American Idol, I like Lost. But on Sunday night, I was flipping through channels. I noticed that the Miss Universe Pageant was on and thought it might be some fun. My mother loves this stuff and, after a few minutes, I was hooked. I stayed up far too late waiting to see if my favorite contestant would win. The following morning, I realized I had nothing to blog about except the pageant. I was faced with a bit of a quandary.

Obviously, I am not Perez Hilton. I don’t make a living out of attacking beauty pageant contestants because of their beliefs. I only try to make some observations about what is happening in our society and what impact that has on Christians. There are plenty of sound arguments that beauty pageants exploit young girls and women. There are many Christians who believe that participation in pageants is not appropriate for Christian women, and certainly not for Christian children. However, I would like to suggest another perspective to which one of the contestants, Miss Puerto Rico, alluded. Beauty is a complement.

I am certain that most people are familiar with the clichés about beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is skin-deep. Pretty is as pretty does. These commonplace expressions reflect the idea that real beauty is defined by a person’s attitudes or actions, not by their physical body. There is certainly a bit of truth in this statement. It seems to me, however, that not everyone accepts that argument. In fact, it almost seems that an ever-increasing number of people have become obsessed with their outward appearance. The American Academy of Cosmetic Surgery claims on their blog that 80% of cosmetic surgery patients feel pressure only from themselves to look better. If beauty isn’t physical, then why bother with this or this?

I must admit, I struggle with these contradictory values myself. My self-worth is not connected to my body image, but my whole attitude changes when my 3 year old tells me “Mom, you’re boo-tiful.” I am perfectly aware that this comment is connected to a desire for cookies, but it has an effect on me nonetheless. I see the attitude in my daughter as well. She somehow feels beautiful when she wears a dress or plays dress up. I’m certain the desire for attractiveness explains our teenage sons’ obsession with their hair and clothing. But where does this desire come from? And how can Christian parent's help their children put this desire into perspective?

The desire for beauty is imprinted on everyone’s heart. God has placed it there for His divine purpose. Any Christian can glimpse at a field of wild flowers in the springtime and recognize the splendor of God’s creation. In it, Christians can see the reflection of our Creator. Every person, at times, is drawn to the smell and sound of the ocean’s waves hitting the beach or the sight of the fresh fallen snow on a mountain top. Somehow, they calm and center us. But, God also created men and women with the same splendor. The physical body is a source of power, strength, and beauty. This image of King David is one of the most viewed in the world. God created the physical world, including man, to be full of beauty and pleasure. Through it, God is able to draw mankind to Himself.

Unfortunately, sin came into the world. Because of sin, men and women have taken God’s gift of beauty and distorted it. Many people, including Christians, no longer view the world as beautiful and good. They also no longer trust the beauty of human beings. Men who find pleasure in this are considered effeminate. This sparks outrage instead of joy. Instead of understanding beauty as a reflection of God, modern Christians see it, at the very least, as a distraction from God. At worst, they completely reject that beauty has a place in Christian thought or worship. This idea is very similar to the philosophy of Gnosticism.

Gnosticism is a philosophy that developed prior to Christianity. Although it is a complicated conglomeration of thoughts and ideas, one central theme is the idea that the world and all things in it are evil from their creation. According Gnostics, knowledge of God can only be attained through the spirit. Therefore, only spiritual matters are good. Material things, including the body, are evil. This concept follows two paths--disengagement and immorality. One form suggests that, since the material realm is evil, believers must disengage from anything earthly. Some reject wealth, property, and even basic needs. Another form suggests that the evil of the material world cannot be avoided. As such, the body is of no consequence to the spiritual reality. As a result, anything goes. This attitude oftens leads to immoral actions, like drug use and sexual depravity.

While many people insist that Gnosticism is not a threat to Christianity, some form of this thought is pervasive in modern society. Young people are particularly susceptible to some of the Gnostic ideas currently popular. Large numbers of Evangelical youth are attracted to Wicca, or Paganism, perhaps because of the spirituality without religion aspect. Young people are also vulnerable to belief systems where they are encouraged to draw their own conclusions, especially with regards to sexuality and sexual behavior. They are attracted to ideas that offer some tangible explanation of evil and suffering. They are looking for something that speaks to their hearts. Some of these themes and ideas have also drifted into mainstream Christianity. Young children are exposed to it in their youth groups and from their pastors.

Even though it seems sinister, Gnosticism is easy for parents to combat. The Mystery of the Incarnation of Jesus Christ is the ideal place to start. When I talk about this with my younger children, I ask a very simple question. "If our bodies are not beautiful and perfect, why in the world do you think God would have become a human person?" This is the heart of Christianity. The Word became flesh. God used the human body to reveal Himself to mankind in the physical world.

I've tried to remind the children that God created our bodies and expects us to take care of them as best we can. Of course, that gets translated into "I can't mow the lawn in the hot blazing sun or my skin will burn." Who says teenagers don't hear what their parents tell them?

Reflecting on this reminds me---I'd better start shopping for Christmas.....

Christian Identity

I haven’t always been a Christian. Though I’ve always had religious inclinations, I never considered myself a Christian until my thirties. Prior to that, I was an atheist who was curious about Eastern religion, Western philosophy, and, occasionally, Christianity. And so, when today I identify myself as a Christian, I do so with recollection that I once identified myself as a non-Christian. It’s as though I once spoke another language and, today, having learned the language of Christianity in my adulthood, I speak with something analogous to a foreign accent. No matter how much I study, pray, and learn, the accent of my atheistic youth never seems to go away. I hear others speak of being born-again and being new creatures, implying that their pre-Christian selves are now dead and they are completely reborn. In many ways, I can relate to their stories. But I can hear their accents, too. I suspect that this is because they, like me, formed their own sense of identity at a time when they were not Christians. Something about that burgeoning sense of identity formed in adolescence lingers into adulthood, no matter how much one’s self-concept has changed since that time, even if one’s identity is now formed by faith.

I don’t wish to take away from those who have a born-again experience and I have no doubt they believe their previous selves have died. Again, it’s akin to learning a foreign language. It takes a great deal of learning before one can hear oneself speaking, not with the accent of the foreign language, but with the accent of one’s native tongue. It can be a frustrating experience, knowing that something doesn’t sound quite right and perhaps even dreaming the language being spoken impeccably, but unable to utter the words without a slight taint from the past. Some speakers of a second language may have a remarkable command of the language. Indeed, some speakers of second languages have better vocabulary, grammar, and syntax than many native speakers, just as some late-coming Christians are more well-versed, faith-filled, and consistent than many Christians since youth. In some cases, cradle-Christians can take their religion for granted, while Christian converts may be especially grateful for their faith. Perhaps the “accent” of which I speak is really just an imprinted recollection of the pain of separating oneself from God and the joy of coming home. In some ways, this experience is universal to all Christians, who must recognize their own sinful nature. All Christians have a capacity to sin, even after religious conversion. Being a Christian is not supposed to be a defense mechanism against the reality of having once been a heinous sinner. Better to recognize the fullness of reality as it once was and as it is today. For me, I now tend to see myself as one who has lost the practice of atheism. It is a habit I am glad to be rid of.

I don’t want my children picking up my old habits. I want them, instead, to grow up identifying themselves as Christians, with Christianity as their native tongue. Since that’s the case, I pray that I can guide them through adolescence using Christianity as a foundation. I know this period, from 12 to 18, is critical. It’s the time period when young people develop their sense of identity. I pray they take to the Christian faith as a matter of course.

Adolescence is the time when youths grapple with where they stand in relation to their families, their peers, and society. They are also trying to figure out who they are in relation to God. During adolescence, most young people decide if they are a believer or an atheist, a New Age spiritualist or a Christian. Of course, they may not communicate their thoughts to their parents. Though they inwardly desire to have this dialogue, they fear that a discussion of religion with their parents would invoke indifference, condescension, or outrage. Christian parents may find it necessary to be the first to broach the topic of religion with their teens. They should, however, be careful to treat the subject with patience and an open ear. This firm but gentle approach may be the only way for parents to have an active role in guiding their children toward their own formation of Christian identity.

Oddly enough, it is precisely during adolescence that many Christian parents stop trying to evangelize to their children. During the elementary-school years, these parents may have required church and Sunday-school attendance. But when the children become adolescents, these parents frequently allow their teens to sleep-in on Sundays, skipping both church and youth group. If they do suggest their teens continue religious education, the programs are often a mere safe alternative that provides no intellectual challenge for the youths. These watered-down programs never tangle with the really tough theological questions that teens are inevitably asking themselves. They never honestly discuss, for example, why God allows suffering in the world. They don’t dare to talk about whether people from other religions go to heaven or not. They may avoid tough topics like sex, alcohol, and sin. These questions, if given careful consideration by properly informed Christian mentors, can become the seeds of a newly germinating Christian identity. Prior to adolescence, children are seldom capable of asking these questions in a meaningful way. Once teens are aware of these questions, parents should not shy away from the opportunity but seize it. How youths eventually respond to the tough theological questions will determine whether or not they go on to identify themselves as Christians.

Of course, many young adults—even those from good Christian families—do not exit adolescence with an intact Christian identity. In some cases, the youths may be prone to rebel against parents and religious educators whom they perceive as too harsh. These youths view the answers they receive to the tough theological questions as cold-hearted. In other cases, these youths are apt to fall away from a religious education that lacks substance. These young people meander away from religion because they are led to believe the difficult existential questions have no answers. Unfortunately, once they identify themselves as non-Christians, they may never return to church or to God. They may simply view religion and belief in God as unnecessary. These individuals only return to God if they fall into a state of desperation, moral decay, or a spiritual bottom.

Though this “rock bottom” approach to becoming a Christian makes good movies and testimonials, it is not required for conversion to Christianity. In reality, probably only 2 percent of Christians come to the faith through the path of moral degradation. Sadly most of those who chose a life without God will likely continue down their road of destruction. In truth, the vast majority of Christians come to the faith through the faithful example of their parents. In other words, it is not necessary to first become an alcoholic or drug addict before becoming a Christian. Parents should feel relieved that their teens do not have to go down a path of total destruction before identifying themselves as Christians. If the youths come to identify themselves as Christians during adolescence—when the normal and lasting sense of identity is developed--much of the misguided bumbling of secular early-adulthood can be averted. For example, young adults who have already identified themselves as Christians during adolescence will be wary of experimenting with drugs or sex. Alternately, those who fail to clarify their Christian values may lack the intuitive caution in these matters, thus making it only possible for them to learn through their mistakes. For them, reaching some kind of spiritual bottom may be necessary before they can see the wisdom of conversion. Sadly, the odds of their coming to God—though certainly not impossible—are against them.

The failure to develop faith is especially tragic because a belief in God is as natural to mankind as the capacity to speak. Boys and girls have a yearning for this knowledge. Parents who take advantage of this inquisitiveness can engage their children in a dialogue about God that will greatly influence their children’s religious choices long into adulthood. Parents should start the discussion prior to adolescence, when their opinions are still idealized by their children. As their children mature, parents should rely less on authority to persuade the youths and more on reason and observation. This form of parent to child religious instruction is a very gradual process that starts at the core of the child’s sense of identity. If properly guided, these young people will develop a seamless and fluent Christian identity that any believing parent would be proud to behold.

~Steve

It Ain’t About The Wedding, Babe

Every so often, movie night at our house begins with moans, groans, and sighs. It usually happens when my husband or one of the boys opens the Netflix envelope only to discover a chick flick. This week was especially vocal. The movie wasn't just some sappy love story, but it was actually about weddings. I've had weddings on my mind a lot lately. We celebrated our wedding anniversary this week. I've been dreaming about my niece getting married in a pink camouflage dress. If that weren't enough, our 5 year old daughter picked out her own Cinderella wedding dress while we were shopping. So I suppose it was fitting to watch Bride Wars this weekend.

Bride Wars (PG) is a romantic comedy starring Kate Hudson as Olivia "Liv" Lerner and Anne Hathaway as Emma Allen. The two twenty-something women have been best friends since childhood. Since seeing a wedding at the Plaza Hotel in New York, the girls have fantasized into adulthood about their own perfect Plaza Hotel weddings. Their love and support for each other quickly turns into jealously and spite as they discover their upcoming weddings have been booked for the same day.

We have an unspoken movie rule at our house—any movie rated PG or higher has to be previewed before the younger children can watch it. I'm glad we have this rule. Although they would have laughed at Liv's blue hair and Emma's orange skin, I think our young children would have been confused by the subject matter and sexual innuendo. Also, the scene with Anne Hathaway dancing at the bachelorette party is a bit too risqué for young children. Since the plot is rather juvenile, I suspect older children and teens will catch on rather quickly. They might even find some of this stuff to be hilarious. In spite of a few funny moments, I find the entire concept of Bride Wars to be problematic from a Christian standpoint. Christian parents shouldn't have any trouble recognizing this movie's flaws.

After I watched this movie, I wasn't certain I was going to blog about it. After all, this is a parenting blog. So I contemplated for awhile. Then I saw this clip on television. The last thing I want is for either of our sons to face Bridezilla on his wedding day. I also don't want our sons or daughters to realize at the last minute, like Emma, that they do not love the person in whom they have invested so much time. I suspect that most Christian parents concur. Even though parents can't choose their children's future spouse, I believe Christian parents can and should offer some direction. I believe it starts early and it starts with understanding.

Dating is a relatively modern concept, which is mostly about having fun. Very few young people, including Christians, consider that dating has another purpose. Dating, or courtship, is designed to help young men and women find a suitable spouse. If a young person is not ready to think about marriage, then dating really serves no useful purpose. In fact, it can become emotional and difficult. Once two young people fall in love, it can be really difficult for them to step back if the relationship is moving faster than anticipated or if it begins to crumble. That's where I think this really small tidbit of wisdom can be quite helpful.

Keeping these things in mind, I believe that parents can help their teenagers navigate dating and courtship successfully. Christian parents can begin the conversation early on, especially when they see their children becoming interested in the opposite sex. They should instruct their teenagers that dating is the vehicle to selecting a spouse. Now, I'm not going to suggest that there is a "magic" age for teens to begin dating. Christian parents are more than capable of discerning when the time is appropriate. I will only say that dating is serious business. Dating helps young people identify those who share their values. It can be an exciting, emotional time for teenagers. So under these circumstances, I compiled a list of important notes and helpful hints for Christian parents to pass along to their children.

• There is no such person as a "soul mate." God did not predestine each person to have one true love. Instead, God gave men and women free will along with the desire to love and be loved. Love is a choice.
  


• Christians should date only Christians. Christians who fall in love and marry non-Christians often face difficulties and unhappiness. This is certainly not God's plan for marriage.
  


• Have as many first dates as possible. Christians can never be sure what God's plan is for them, so keep an open mind. It is possible to miss out on God's perfect plan while waiting for Mr. or Miss Right.
  


• Chastity is a Christian's personal responsibility. Young men and women should treat each other with respect. Lack of self control can leave both people emotionally and physically confused.
  


• Avoid becoming serious until marriage is possible. Long courtships can lead young people into sin. These couples eventually become involved sexually and often cohabitate. This can have devastating effects.
  

After I watched this movie, I really couldn't decide which bothered me more—brides fighting in the aisle or brides dancing in the aisle. I must admit, both make pretty good entertainment. Bride Wars did leave me with something, though. I've been having this crazy dream. Smurfette is getting married to an Oompa-Loompa while Bert Parks sings "There She Is, Miss America." Sounds like a wedding theme to me.

Nemo, Fish or Foe?

    Our 8 year old son is fascinated with giant animals. He especially likes giant animals that lurk underwater. One of his favorite television shows is River Monsters. So when our family movie arrived in the mail last week, I had high hopes. I was sure he'd love it, but I wasn't convinced the younger ones would be interested. I had, after all, committed the ultimate parenting faux pas; I ordered a Disney movie that wasn't animated. But it did have a great story question and a giant squid. To my surprise, that was actually enough to keep even our preschoolers occupied in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

    After we watched the movie, I told my husband I was going to review it. He scoffed. I, honestly, do not know why. Yea, I know the move is over 50 years old. I also know that the movie takes some liberties with Jules Vern's book. I will even admit the special effects and graphics are cheesy by today's standards. But 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea is a classic. I read the book and watched the movie when I was a kid. Frankly, I don't remember much about either one except that huge squid. There is a funny thing, though, about classic movies. Sometimes the whole premise is lost in the translation. But translating that into a Disney movie just makes the story messier. Our kids actually thought the entire plot revolved about a giant squid attacking boats. Any attempt I made to explain otherwise left them confused. I suspect that's what happened with me. That's probably why I never really considered there just might be more to the story.

    From a Christian perspective, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (G) is family friendly science fiction. The story follows three men, a professor, his assistant, and a master harpooner, as they search the seas investigating the rumors of a violent sea monster. Paul Lukas plays Professor Pierre Aronnax, the scientist who, along with his assistant Conseil (Peter Lorre), has been commissioned by the U.S Government to either prove or disprove the existence of such a monster. They embark on their expedition upon a Naval ship. Onboard, as part of the ship's crew, is Ned Land played by Kirk Douglas. Ned Land has been hired for his skill at harpooning dangerous sea creatures. After several months, the Naval Commander is ready to call off the mission when their ship is attacked. Prof. Arronax, Conceil, and Ned Land are all thrown overboard and seek refuge on a strange metal vessel. They soon realize this vessel, a "submerging boat", is the monster they have been looking for. Once inside the submarine, the trio are captured by Captain Nemo (James Mason), commander of the Nautilus. The tale progresses as Professor Aronnax attempts to understand Nemo and to uncover his secrets, while Ned remains suspicious and searches for ways to escape.

I enjoyed 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea precisely because the movie was filmed in 1954. I felt I could relax and not worry about foul language, drug references, or sexual innuendo. Since it is a Disney film, I was a bit surprised to see a drunken Ned Land singing to a seal. The scene is very cleverly done so I don't think children notice much accept the little seal clapping and doing tricks. Other than that, I don't think there is really anything offensive or frightening in the film at all. Kids of all ages can find something to like in this movie. There is music, humor, mystery, and adventure. Like most of these type movies, the idea of good vs. evil is easy to recognize. I think children can see that Captain Nemo is a creepy, wicked man, even without his playing of Bach's Toccata & Fugue in D minor. Other Christian concepts, though, aren't really obvious. Even if they were, I imagine children will still find the most exciting moments in the whole movie are the screaming cannibals and the giant, man-eating squid.

The movie, unlike the book, attempts to address an issue that is currently a hot topic—environmentalism. I'm not certain that it is true, but some have speculated that Walt Disney may have been an environmentalist. If so, that might explain the environmentalist theme running throughout the film. Captain Nemo has found a way to harness nuclear power. This power keeps his entire submarine travelling through the ocean. It is this secret that Captain Nemo feels he must keep hidden from the rest of the world. Even though this power could change the world, Captain Nemo believes that humans are too corrupt to use it properly. In fact, Captain Nemo believes that all of mankind is wicked and warlike. Escaping to the sea, he only finds solace in his natural environment. This idea is fundamental to environmentalism. Environmentalists believe that humans are a threat to the environment and, therefore, the earth and her resources must be protected. At first glance, this philosophy may seem complimentary to Christian theology. Environmentalism, however, runs the risk of placing a higher value on nature itself that on the needs of human beings. This is a perversion of God's plan for mankind. The Book of Genesis explains that God intended for humans to live on the Earth and use her resources, but God also trusted man with the care of His creation. Authentic Christianity teaches that nature is not merely at man's disposal but that man has the responsibility to use resources wisely, without neglecting his duty to the rest of mankind. Christian children are never too young to participate in the care of their environment, such as through recycling projects or neighborhood gardens. This is also a good opportunity for older children to consider more complex topics such as providing renewable energy resources throughout the world, especially to poorer nations.

When we watched 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, I honestly didn't expect much. I really only remembered Captain Nemo and that darn squid. If nothing else, I thought the children would get a taste for the classics. I came away with something I never expected—a new perspective on Disney movies. I won't say I don't like them, but I will start paying closer attention. I recently read that Disney plans to do a remake of the movie. I can only imagine what magic will come out of their studio this time. We'll probably take our children to see it. Of course we'll tell them that we want to compare it to the movie of our youth. In reality, we'll just be looking for the giant squid.

 

iThink, therefore iAm

Everything is lawful, but not everything is beneficial. 1 Corinthians 10:23

When I was in 4^th grade, every Thursday night I used to beg my parents to let me watch "Kung Fu." My father, not an especially strong Christian, nonetheless sensed that there was something hypocritical and corrupting about David Carradine's character on the show. Whether or not his assessment was correct, we had one television in the family room and my father had the controls. For the most part, we watched the show with my father's running commentary. My Dad cracked jokes about how a pacifist could possibly fight as much as Kwai Chang Caine. He scoffed at his seemingly superhuman powers such as knocking away arrows with his forearms. Most of all, my Dad hated the flashbacks that referred to oversimplified Eastern philosophy that accompanied each episode. My father had an advantage that many of today's parents do not. Today's Christian parents only wish they could be as annoying as my Dad.

If contemporary kids want to view something of questionable value, many of them simply set the DVR, watch online, download onto X-box, or watch at a friend's. They are no longer tied down to school nights. Furthermore, for many of today's youth, passive viewing is not stimulating enough. They consume their entertainment via the internet, cell-phones, and gaming systems. In the face of all this technology, Christian parents can find monitoring their children's cultural influences to be a daunting task. In the face of this challenge, Christian parents seem to take one of two approaches as follows: either they greatly curtail their children's use of technology or they allow a free-flowing access.

The problem is not new. In the 19^th Century, America spawned numerous traditionalist communities that resisted modern technology. Most of them--such as the Shakers and the Harmonites--are now defunct, but a few of these societies--such as the Amish and Mennonites--have survived to this day. The Amish people have concluded that the only way to be close to God is to remain isolated from modern culture. Perhaps that is so. They have very strong families and values. Nonetheless, their isolationist approach to modern life is not for everyone. Indeed, if everyone on the planet suddenly adopted Amish standards of technology, the farmers would not be able to produce as much food and there would be world-wide famine.

The progressive approach to technology is not new, either. The 17^th and 18^th Century Enlightenment foretold a future in which all the world's problems would be solved by knowledge and technology. Most of today's descendants from the enlightenment school of thought are scientists and atheists, but a few are to be found in progressive churches. One example of this modern approach to religion is the Westwinds Community Church, where they suggest that their members follow them on Twitter. Certainly, their pews are full and the congregation receives a message that is relevant to contemporary society. Nonetheless, this modern approach to religious services comes across as very materialistic and distracting. With the congregation following along on twitter, one has to wonder if they are listening for the voice of the Holy Spirit or to the chatter of the congregation.

The deeper and more troubling aspect of technology is whether the technology itself changes the way people act or think. The best example of the influence of technology on human behavior is the automobile. Before the car, people walked a lot more than they do today. As a result, people then were on average much thinner and modern society is experiencing an epidemic of obesity. Prior to the automobile, people had a much different concept of space. A thirty mile trip took a whole day, while today 30 miles takes a half an hour. This problem becomes more pronounced as technology progresses. The airplane shortened the subjective distances even more. The internet often eliminates the necessity of travel at all.

As all this technology progresses, people become even more dependent on their technologies to the point where they don't know how to survive without them. Recently, a woman, on the advice of her GPS, got lost in Death Valley. She was so confident in her GPS device that she neglected to bring enough water, failed to acknowledge her own sense of direction or look at a map, and refused to ask for directions. The result of her overconfidence in technology was that, when search and rescue found her, her 11 year-old son was dead from dehydration and exposure. People can become so over-reliant on their technologies that they fail to exercise common sense.

Generally speaking, modern technology is an excellent thing. Christians, however, won't be able to find specific directions regarding technology in the Scripture. What they will find there, instead, are God's instructions regarding Christians' relationship with Him and with the rest of mankind. God never commanded, "Thou shalt not ride in a car." But He did charge man to love Him and also each other. Christians, then, can measure the benefits and pitfalls of technology in light of their relationships. In other words, how does technology affect one's relationship with God and with other people? The effect of technology on one's relationship with God is deeply individual, but the main concern is time. What happens when a person's use of technology is so time consuming that it leaves no space for an internal dialogue with the Creator? Does morning e-mail replace morning prayers? Because one's relationship with God is personal, Christian parents may have only indirect influence on their children in this area. Christian parents, though, do have an impact on their children's relations with others.

Each generation of young people is more technologically savvy than their parents. For example, I went to college around the time personal computers were beginning to make an impact. Though only a small percentage of college students at that time had their own PCs, I observed that those students who owned a PC had a marked advantage. Five years later, PCs were much cheaper and a college student without his or her own PC was unable to compete. In a similar fashion, many of today's parents are slipping out of touch with the changing times. It is vital for Christian parents to avoid this pitfall. Christian parents who fail to remain current with technological advances often leave their children vulnerable. Children who do not have modern options available to them often turn to their school or peers, essentially separating themselves from their parents' knowledge and direction. Sometimes Christian parents do not realize what their children are doing and, if they do, they are ill-equipped to fully understand it. How devastating would it be to discover a daughter sending nude photos of herself via her cell-phone? By contrast, there are those parents who strive to be technologically progressive. They may not realize that living through electronics can prevent them from having meaningful relationships with their children. Even though technology can be quite useful, there are many things that cannot be said in a text message or an e-mail. There is no substitute for the family dinner. No Christian parent wants to lose that human connection with his or her child.

One of the most confusing aspects of technology is whether a child is attracted to it for the cool factor or for the utility. Christian parents who want to have a proper and balanced use of technology must be able to separate the two. This distinction is often difficult because modern technology has social significance. Items that appear to be cool or trendy may actually have an underlying social usefulness. Is there any practical reason for an 8 year-old to have a cell-phone? Maybe an iPod is the perfect gift for a teenager. Perhaps there are good reasons not to have an X-Box Live account. Whatever the device, parents can ask similar questions. Regardless of their children's wish list, the most important consideration for parents may well be budgetary limits. No Christian parent should bankrupt themselves to provide their children with the latest gadgets. Nor should parents feel obligated to indulge their children simply because their finances allow. The consequences for both parents and children can be paramount. Lavish the children with too much and the children are prone to become spoiled and superficial. Withhold access to modern conveniences and the children may lag behind. Modern children will live in a future quite unlike the world of today. The appropriate exposure to modern technology can make or break how they thrive in that world.

--Steve Willmot