Christian Identity

I haven’t always been a Christian. Though I’ve always had religious inclinations, I never considered myself a Christian until my thirties. Prior to that, I was an atheist who was curious about Eastern religion, Western philosophy, and, occasionally, Christianity. And so, when today I identify myself as a Christian, I do so with recollection that I once identified myself as a non-Christian. It’s as though I once spoke another language and, today, having learned the language of Christianity in my adulthood, I speak with something analogous to a foreign accent. No matter how much I study, pray, and learn, the accent of my atheistic youth never seems to go away. I hear others speak of being born-again and being new creatures, implying that their pre-Christian selves are now dead and they are completely reborn. In many ways, I can relate to their stories. But I can hear their accents, too. I suspect that this is because they, like me, formed their own sense of identity at a time when they were not Christians. Something about that burgeoning sense of identity formed in adolescence lingers into adulthood, no matter how much one’s self-concept has changed since that time, even if one’s identity is now formed by faith.

I don’t wish to take away from those who have a born-again experience and I have no doubt they believe their previous selves have died. Again, it’s akin to learning a foreign language. It takes a great deal of learning before one can hear oneself speaking, not with the accent of the foreign language, but with the accent of one’s native tongue. It can be a frustrating experience, knowing that something doesn’t sound quite right and perhaps even dreaming the language being spoken impeccably, but unable to utter the words without a slight taint from the past. Some speakers of a second language may have a remarkable command of the language. Indeed, some speakers of second languages have better vocabulary, grammar, and syntax than many native speakers, just as some late-coming Christians are more well-versed, faith-filled, and consistent than many Christians since youth. In some cases, cradle-Christians can take their religion for granted, while Christian converts may be especially grateful for their faith. Perhaps the “accent” of which I speak is really just an imprinted recollection of the pain of separating oneself from God and the joy of coming home. In some ways, this experience is universal to all Christians, who must recognize their own sinful nature. All Christians have a capacity to sin, even after religious conversion. Being a Christian is not supposed to be a defense mechanism against the reality of having once been a heinous sinner. Better to recognize the fullness of reality as it once was and as it is today. For me, I now tend to see myself as one who has lost the practice of atheism. It is a habit I am glad to be rid of.

I don’t want my children picking up my old habits. I want them, instead, to grow up identifying themselves as Christians, with Christianity as their native tongue. Since that’s the case, I pray that I can guide them through adolescence using Christianity as a foundation. I know this period, from 12 to 18, is critical. It’s the time period when young people develop their sense of identity. I pray they take to the Christian faith as a matter of course.

Adolescence is the time when youths grapple with where they stand in relation to their families, their peers, and society. They are also trying to figure out who they are in relation to God. During adolescence, most young people decide if they are a believer or an atheist, a New Age spiritualist or a Christian. Of course, they may not communicate their thoughts to their parents. Though they inwardly desire to have this dialogue, they fear that a discussion of religion with their parents would invoke indifference, condescension, or outrage. Christian parents may find it necessary to be the first to broach the topic of religion with their teens. They should, however, be careful to treat the subject with patience and an open ear. This firm but gentle approach may be the only way for parents to have an active role in guiding their children toward their own formation of Christian identity.

Oddly enough, it is precisely during adolescence that many Christian parents stop trying to evangelize to their children. During the elementary-school years, these parents may have required church and Sunday-school attendance. But when the children become adolescents, these parents frequently allow their teens to sleep-in on Sundays, skipping both church and youth group. If they do suggest their teens continue religious education, the programs are often a mere safe alternative that provides no intellectual challenge for the youths. These watered-down programs never tangle with the really tough theological questions that teens are inevitably asking themselves. They never honestly discuss, for example, why God allows suffering in the world. They don’t dare to talk about whether people from other religions go to heaven or not. They may avoid tough topics like sex, alcohol, and sin. These questions, if given careful consideration by properly informed Christian mentors, can become the seeds of a newly germinating Christian identity. Prior to adolescence, children are seldom capable of asking these questions in a meaningful way. Once teens are aware of these questions, parents should not shy away from the opportunity but seize it. How youths eventually respond to the tough theological questions will determine whether or not they go on to identify themselves as Christians.

Of course, many young adults—even those from good Christian families—do not exit adolescence with an intact Christian identity. In some cases, the youths may be prone to rebel against parents and religious educators whom they perceive as too harsh. These youths view the answers they receive to the tough theological questions as cold-hearted. In other cases, these youths are apt to fall away from a religious education that lacks substance. These young people meander away from religion because they are led to believe the difficult existential questions have no answers. Unfortunately, once they identify themselves as non-Christians, they may never return to church or to God. They may simply view religion and belief in God as unnecessary. These individuals only return to God if they fall into a state of desperation, moral decay, or a spiritual bottom.

Though this “rock bottom” approach to becoming a Christian makes good movies and testimonials, it is not required for conversion to Christianity. In reality, probably only 2 percent of Christians come to the faith through the path of moral degradation. Sadly most of those who chose a life without God will likely continue down their road of destruction. In truth, the vast majority of Christians come to the faith through the faithful example of their parents. In other words, it is not necessary to first become an alcoholic or drug addict before becoming a Christian. Parents should feel relieved that their teens do not have to go down a path of total destruction before identifying themselves as Christians. If the youths come to identify themselves as Christians during adolescence—when the normal and lasting sense of identity is developed--much of the misguided bumbling of secular early-adulthood can be averted. For example, young adults who have already identified themselves as Christians during adolescence will be wary of experimenting with drugs or sex. Alternately, those who fail to clarify their Christian values may lack the intuitive caution in these matters, thus making it only possible for them to learn through their mistakes. For them, reaching some kind of spiritual bottom may be necessary before they can see the wisdom of conversion. Sadly, the odds of their coming to God—though certainly not impossible—are against them.

The failure to develop faith is especially tragic because a belief in God is as natural to mankind as the capacity to speak. Boys and girls have a yearning for this knowledge. Parents who take advantage of this inquisitiveness can engage their children in a dialogue about God that will greatly influence their children’s religious choices long into adulthood. Parents should start the discussion prior to adolescence, when their opinions are still idealized by their children. As their children mature, parents should rely less on authority to persuade the youths and more on reason and observation. This form of parent to child religious instruction is a very gradual process that starts at the core of the child’s sense of identity. If properly guided, these young people will develop a seamless and fluent Christian identity that any believing parent would be proud to behold.

~Steve