[Future] Homeschooling Dad--Blog Post #1

Dear wife has been wanting to home-school for the past several years. I've resisted. Gradually, though, I have started to see the sense in teaching our children ourselves. Over the past thirteen years, we've had both good and bad experiences with schools, public and private. I don't think the schools or the experiences have changed as much as our perception. For me, the tipping point was this past fall when our four school-aged children got the flu. It turns out that the school district has a rule that, if the children miss three or more days of school, they have to go to the doctor before returning to school. If not, the parents will be fined $350 per child. Well, three of our children met their criteria, so that would have been $1050. The cost to take three well-children to the doctor was $75. Begrudgingly, we took the children to the doctor. The timing was especially difficult as we had just replaced the transmission in the minivan and Christmas was fast approaching. The school, of course, was unswerving, bureaucratic. And we're lucky. We have health insurance. What happens to the families less fortunate than we are? Perhaps typical of men, my opinion about homeschooling didn't change until public schooling hit my pocketbook and I felt the yoke of tyranny.

Since then, nearly every day something has happened that has reaffirmed my opinion about homeschooling. And nearly every day, I've thought about blogging about the most recent episode that tips the scales even more in favor of taking over the education of our children. Dear wife tells me that she, too, wants to blog about homeschooling. I think, though, that she wants to talk in more general terms, most likely in terms of how it relates to Christianity in particular. I'm thinking more about some ongoing, short, anecdotal posts. I think the topic allows plenty of room for discussion and comment.

Today's anecdote relates to our oldest, a high-school senior, and his upcoming college decision. Regarding his status, we have reason to be thankful. He's been accepted to five universities, two public and three private. He's also been offered scholarships by all three private schools, making their cost on par with the state schools. He's leaning toward one of the state schools, my father's alma mater. He's also been accepted to main campus of the university where I got my undergraduate degree, a school with a much venerated octogenarian football coach. But, barring making the decision for him, we're hoping he chooses one of the private schools. We are particularly interested in a Catholic school recommended by the Cardinal Newman Society. The whole college preparation and selection process has been long and exhausting. Our son has been resistant to our guidance, but our perseverance has largely paid off. His grades have improved. He put some effort into his SAT and essay, and now he has options. The problem is that, for the second time, he came home telling us that his high-school teachers were trying to persuade both him and his classmates that public universities are better than private colleges. Not only do I disagree, but they are specifically undermining what we are trying to tell our child. If we were homeschooling, this would not be an issue.

Some people might say, "Sure, that's why you want to home school. You're afraid of having your children exposed to different points of view." This is not a fair criticism. My concern is not exposure to a variety of opinions, but exposure to only one viewpoint—that of mainstream secular society. Furthermore, the prevailing opinion is presented with no room for debate. For example, in regard to the private versus public universities debate, any discussion of character education is off limits. The prevailing wisdom is that character education is the parents' job. The status quo in university education today is a technical education peppered with an indoctrination into the sacred cows of modern academia—feminism, civil rights, and liberalism. Though these issues may be important, they do not fit under the rubric of a traditional liberal arts education because open debate and exploration of the truth are not allowed. Don't believe me? Try going into a Women's Studies class and talking about the drawbacks of daycare. The same can be said, with scarce exceptions, for any of these curricula. Furthermore, the gist of these courses carries forward to the social milieu of these universities, from COED dorms to house parties. On most secular campuses (and, to be fair, in many religious schools), mainstream secular opinion is as sure to mold the student as the Colorado River was once poised to form the Grand Canyon.

Perhaps a specific example would be instructive. I went to a large, state university during the Congressional debate on censorship of rock music. From a 400-level course (which many of the Grad Students in my major audited), I was acquainted with a graduate student who was teaching Freshman English. He asked his students to write a pro/con paper on the music censorship debate. He had around 30 students in his class. Troubled by his students' rigid stance on the topic, he advised that anyone arguing for censorship would be more likely to get an A. His papers came back, and to his great disappointment, all 30 came back against censorship. The point is not that censorship is good, but that these students were incapable of perspective-taking or arguing from another point of view. My point is that these skills are unlikely to be learned at a large university, especially in a predominately technical emphasis of study.

I think the problem of conceptual rigidity and lack of character education is epidemic in our society. I saw an example the other night while flipping through the channels. The show was Private Practice. Yes, of course this was merely a T.V. show, but it was quite believable. In my experience, many doctors really do act like this. In the show, two doctors were struggling with a romantic entanglement because the female doctor's best friend was the male doctor's ex-wife. In other words, these were highly educated people struggling with an issue that they should have understood in 10^th grade--you don't double-cross your friends or throw salt in the wounds of break-up. These were characters with 12+ years of technical higher education, but who lacked a basic education in character development. In my view, all the money in the world, all the high-end jobs, cannot possibly make up for the interpersonal mayhem and emptiness that invariably follow in the wake of spiritual poverty. No, I'm not arguing for Bible-college in lieu of science education, but I am asserting that values are the most important facet at all levels of education, from elementary to post-doctoral.

So, in response to my son's Chemistry teacher: Yes, education is what the student makes of it. But a real education is more than understanding electron configurations, the most important aspects of education are the values the student learns in the process. As Christian parents, it is our responsibility to provide our son with some religious instruction. We would also like him to continue his studies. Personally, I would like it if he chose to take a few courses in religion and ethics while at college. I might recommend that he take a course in Eschatology or Exegesis or Theology. It is my hope that he will develop an understanding of his faith commensurate intellectually with his expertise in his chosen field of study. In retrospect, our eldest may have been best guided in this direction by a course of home-study rather than a public-school education.

It’s the End of the World—I Just Know It…..

"For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, and cast away himself?" Luke 9:25

I know it's a bit belated, but Happy New Year! These past few months, especially since Thanksgiving, have been exhausting, stressing, trying, and rewarding. Precisely because of these difficulties, I've found myself praying more often. I've tried to shift my focus only to Jesus, and, as a result, I've discovered that I'm better equipped to resist the temptations of the Evil One. How blessed I am indeed! Even though I've been dealing with my own sin and reconciliation, life still goes on. I could mention all the mundane things happening in our lives right now, but all pale in comparison to the suffering of the thousands of men, women, and children in Haiti. It is because of them, their agony, and their deaths, that I sat down to write.

Yesterday, a very young woman, probably in her early 20s, knocked on my door. This, in and of itself, is fairly unusual. Normally, people don't knock on our door. They just walk right in. Yea, it's like that. We live in one of those kinds of neighborhoods. Our neighbors are friendly. Crime is mostly non-existent. And well, we don't have that many friends. But after our 3 year old was able to convince me someone was indeed knocking, I headed to the door with the baby on my hip. To my dismay, it was not the Publisher's Clearing House Prize Patrol. It was instead a very sweet faced, soft spoken Witness. She was amicable and, for a brief moment, I felt bad about making her stand on the porch in the cold to "witness." I've had plenty of experience with the Jehovah's Witnesses. A few of my friends in the past were Witnesses and they have all, in some form or another, attempted to convert me. I learned a long time ago that letting them inside your home, even though one is attempting to be charitable, is a really bad idea. I deal with them the only way I know how—by smiling and then closing the door. I've heard that answering the door naked works, but I'm way too old for that. I suspect, though, that had I answered the door in my birthday suit, my sweet young visitor would have been convinced all the more that I needed Jehovah.

Now I suspect each and every person has been greeted from time to time by a Jehovah's Witness. They have a pretty thorough door to door campaign which I actually admire. The people, though, are pretty annoying. Actually, it's not the people themselves, but the tactics they employ in an effort to convert those of us who are in the dark. For the unaware, these tactics seem fairly harmless. The sweet young lady who came to my door said only a few words to initiate a response. "With the recent news of the devastating earthquake in Haiti, many people are wondering if God cares about them at all." Yep, that's how she started the visit. I had been thinking about it all week. In my sleep, I could hear babies crying out for their mothers. I could hear mothers screaming in anguish over lost children. I could only imagine the horror on people's faces as the buildings they were standing in collapsed under their feet, crushing them to death. I had already spent nights praying for these poor souls, that God would have mercy and lead them to heaven. And my sweet Jehovah's Witness visitor was counting on just that reaction.

For Jehovah's Witnesses, the Apocalypse is just around the corner. In fact, they used to be in the Armageddon prediction business. I remember two times specifically as a young child and teenager hearing about Witnesses who had sold their homes and quit their jobs in anticipation of Armageddon. Catastrophic events like earthquakes, wars, famine, and poverty are just signs to them that Armageddon is that much closer. There are plenty of Christians who would agree with that. I suspect, just as my Witness visitor suggested, that plenty of people both Christian and non-Christian wonder if, in the face of all these tragedies, God cares for us at all. It's because of these very concerns and suspicions that I believe so many people are drawn to, even obsessed, with the Apocalypse and the end of times. Hollywood has caught on and keeps churning out the movies—The Road, 9, The Book of Eli, and 2012 are a handful that have been released in the last year alone. In the face of wars, natural disasters, starvation, poverty, and corrupt governments it's no wonder people across the planet are anxious. The end is always near.

The End has always been near. It would take an entire page to cite the catastrophes, floods, fires, and wars that have taken place throughout recorded history. Major civilizations have collapsed after thousands of years of prosperity. Political systems, empires, and nations all rise and fall. Entire races of people and species of animals have disappeared. There have always been plagues, pestilence, and disease infecting and destroying huge populations of people. And just as surely as all these things were happening, there have always been people trying to explain them, understand them, and cope with them. Some people, like the Jehovah's Witnesses, have also attempted to exploit them. But Jesus addressed catastrophes. He talked to great multitudes about the end times and he revealed to the disciples the Truth about such things. He told them, and they passed along to us, that this world will surely pass away but that our salvation is in Jesus Christ the Lord; our real reward is in Heaven.

The revelation of Jesus Christ, or the Apocalypse, has been the source of great anxiety, superstition, and lies. Jesus warned us about this in the Gospel according to St. Luke. He said that men will be "withering away for fear, and expectation of what shall come upon the whole world." As I look around in our society, our political institutions, our schools, and even our churches this attitude seems pervasive. It seems our culture's interest has become particularly heightened in the last few decades. Save Our Earth has become the contemporary mantra. There is no shortage of plans to curb population growth, stave off global warming, protect endangered species, and end the nuclear age. We're fighting wars on terrorism, drugs, poverty, and AIDS. Many people, including plenty of Christians, are preoccupied with this world, fearful of its destruction, and downright angry that it's happening in the first place. They've elevated the world and the things in it above our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The world is their idol. They are looking for salvation in their own achievements, their own finances, and their own wisdom. They are lost and the Devil is delighted.

The world is going to end. Big deal. No one knows when that time will be. No matter how many predictions are made or how many clever ways humans calculate time, nothing changes the fact that only God knows when the last day will be. I imagine most people will face their own personal end long before the world explodes. It's that realization that concerns me a great deal. Although I hope to be a centenarian one day, I cannot be certain that I won't get hit by a car tomorrow, develop cancer, or get crushed in a building during an earthquake. And that's why this whole sad business in Haiti and the Jehovah's Witness bothers me. For almost 2 weeks now, I've prayed for the poor souls of those who have died. I've often wondered what they were doing in those last minutes. Was some mother yelling at her children? Was some young boy grabbing a sweet potato from a neighbor's garden? Was a young unmarried girl slipping off for a romp with her boyfriend? Was grandma praying the Rosary? Was a grown man helping his aged father get dressed for the day? Were their children singing to their younger siblings? Had everyone been to confession that morning? Was anyone pleading with God to save them and give them one more chance to be better and do more for others? I have often imagined that those people are me, taken by surprise that the end is sooner than I planned. Am I ready? Will I be like the thief hanging on Jesus' left, resentful of my temporal punishments, longing for the pleasure of this world, pleading with Christ to "save me" from death? Or will I be like the thief hanging with Jesus on his right, publicly acknowledging my sins, embracing my suffering and trials, and humbly asking for Christ to remember me in His Kingdom?

As I closed the door behind my young Jehovah's Witness visitor, I felt sad. In her current state, anticipating a future living on this earth, denying the existence of an immortal soul, this young girl will probably never be with Christ in Heaven. I prayed that, before she dies, she will find the Truth. I prayed that I will learn how to replace my fear of man with the fear of God. I prayed that I will learn how to love, live, act, and speak the Truth without fearing criticism, ridicule, and scorn from other people. I prayed that I, in my sinfulness, will always remember the Lord and his Truth so that on the last day He will remember me.

"Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away. And take heed to yourselves, lest perhaps your hearts be overcharged with surfeiting and drunkenness, and the cares of this life, and that day come upon you suddenly. For as a snare shall it come upon all that sit upon the face of the whole earth. Watch ye, therefore, praying at all times, that you may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that are to come, and to stand before the Son of man." Luke 21:33-36


O My Jesus, forgive us our sins; save us from the fires of hell; lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of Thy Mercy. Amen

Let Them Eat Rice Cake

We had company for Thanksgiving. It was wonderful to visit with family and it made my mother very happy. But nonetheless, after they left for home, I was exhausted and definitely tired of cooking. So on Saturday after the Holiday, my husband and I used the excuse of going to Lowe's for paint to stop by Wendy's for a burger. Stopping at Wendy's is actually a treat for us. You see, we have children. Unless there's a frosty involved, our smaller children suddenly break out in hives when we drive into the parking lot. They inundate us with the usual complaints. "The French fries here taste like slime." "These chicken nuggets get caught in my throat." "They have beans in their soup!" But on this day, we had no children begging for mercy, so we slid into Wendy's for a burger and chili. It was perfect. I was enjoying the moment, spooning chili in the baby's mouth, when it happened. They sat down at the table beside us, and ruined it all.

They were the cutest little family. Dad with his grammar school aged son and daughter. Normally, I probably wouldn't have even noticed them. But the dad was cutting up the little girl's meat. My first thought was that perhaps she didn't like buns, but then I noticed her brother was eating—wait for it—a salad. I quickly glanced around the table. There were no French fries, frosties, or sodas. All I could see was croutons and those little nifty bottles of water. Okay, now I know I shouldn't be so quick to judge. Maybe the children had allergies or gluten intolerance. Or maybe their personal beliefs hold them to very strict dietary standards. But whatever the reason for their menu choices, I thought it was, well, cruel.

Before you think I'm completely off my rocker, let me offer up this bit of information. Wendy's is a fast food restaurant. One should know that dining there comes with a certain amount of risks. In case you missed this, the food is not good for you. In fact, fast food is terrible for you. As such, I can't imagine why a person concerned with calorie, carbohydrate, saturated fat, or sugar intake would even want to go inside any one of the 300,000 fast food restaurants in the U.S. I mean, the stuff they serve is pure junk. These places are not there for your health. Oh, no. They exist purely for our convenience, and sometimes to satisfy our addictions.

Now, I don't want to go into a deep discussion about obesity and nutrition. After all, I don't want your hard earned tax dollars going to waste by putting Team Nutrition out of job. No, this is not a blog about healthy eating. If you really want to know how the digestive system works, ask Dr. Oz. He's full of information and books telling you what you already know. You see, I believe that most adults figured this nutrition thing out long ago. Eat too much, get fat. Cut out the sugar, loose 10 pounds. Apples are better for you than Gummie Bears. It's not rocket science, and we don't need biologists, anthropologists, or Oprah to explain it all to us. But for all the focus on obese adults and children, most people forget that this is just as big and issue as obesity. Where are all the news reports about this or this? As if that weren't disturbing enough, there are news reports like this one, where children are anxious—yes, anxious—about what types of food they eat. What in the world is going on?

I think this whole food obsession and fitness craze took off in the 1960s and it all started with this man. In 1936, while average Americans were searching for full time work and mourning the loss of Bonnie and Clyde, Jack LaLanne was opening up a fitness center in California. While the Okies were starving to death in California, Jack LaLanne was telling people "if your food tastes good, spit it out." I suspect had conditions in the U.S. remained the same for another decade, Jack LaLanne might have remained just another California crack-pot suffering from too much heat. But alas, the prosperity of the post-war 1950s landed Americans with luxury, resources, and televisions. Jack LaLanne had a TV show, a few households had microwave ovens, and the fast-food industry was born. With each decade of progress, Americans have become more self-absorbed and obsessed. And as first educators of our children, we are passing our obsessions on.

Just like most Christians, our own family is not immune to food/health obsession. Throughout my adult life I've battled with a variety of health issues, including eating properly. There have been times where both of us were working outside the home and in those times, we depended heavily on fast or convenience foods. We've also, on occasion, had to struggle with the rising costs of fresh produce while we pay our bills. We've dealt with picky eaters, children with a sweet-tooth, and over dependence on fast food. We've argued with doctors over the size of our babies and what foods they eat or don't eat. We've worried over our family histories of high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, and cancer. We've struggled with our own sins—pride, gluttony, greed, and anger. Through it all we've tried to keep our focus on Jesus—His strength, His Word, and His hope.

Yes, our bodies are the temple of the Lord. As such, the Holy Spirit dwells in us and our bodies belong to God. We have a duty, then, to take care of our bodies as best we can, in our circumstances. For our family, that means we try to eat a variety of foods. More importantly, we make every effort to eat at home, together, around our huge kitchen table. For us, it's more than just the food, since most of the time, some child is picking over the peas or piling ketchup on the pork chops. We talk about our days, things we read on the news, laugh at the 3 year olds jokes, or listen to Grandma as she revisits something from her childhood. With our meals, we thank God for His blessings and are reminded that our very sustenance comes, not from what we can do for ourselves, but from God alone.

In a few days, I will be making Christmas cookies with the children. I assure you, they will not be healthy. They'll be full of sugar and some will be covered with chocolate. We'll make a huge mess, sing carols, and devour them. We'll talk about the Incarnation of Jesus, the Word made Flesh. We'll share some cookies with our neighbors and friends. The sweet treats probably won't be good for our bodies, but they'll certainly be good for our spirits.

It is not what enters one's mouth that defiles that person; but what comes out of the mouth is what defiles one….For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, unchastity, theft, false witness, blasphemy. (Matthew 15:11,19)

The Ins and Outs of Potty Training

My desire to post about potty training stems from several posts of a friend on Facebook. My friend was frustrated with her three-year-old boy who liked the idea of big-boy underwear, but didn’t seem to grasp the concept that going to the potty went along with the new BVDs. One of her friends posted something about learning “the ins and outs of potty training,” which started a string of thoughts and ideas and feelings that I wanted to express.

But my comments were both too lengthy and too serious for a venue like Facebook. So, I discussed my ideas with dear wife, who reviews my posts as I review hers. She immediately questioned, “What’s potty training have to do with Christianity?”

I knew she was going to ask that! She never lets me get away with anything! But, like a wily teenager, I had anticipated her question. “Didn’t you read somewhere recently that the average age of potty training has shifted younger since the 1950’s? That parents used to potty train at around age 3-4, but now it’s more like 1-2?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she responded.

“Do you think you could find that reference?” I queried.

“I might,” she replied, then paused a moment and continued, “But that still doesn’t answer what potty-training has to do with Christianity?”

Sounding like a Bush cabinet member, I replied, “Traditional Christian values.” That was a fair response, though cliché.

She reluctantly conceded, then pressed: “But how does potty training relate to raising Christian children?”

My second response was even shakier. Sounding like a Freudian, I said, “The first time most kids learn about discipline is during potty training. Potty training sets the tone for any further education on self-discipline, morals, and values.” I waited for the loud thunderclap that seems to follow any time I express a flash of psychological theory into our conversations.

“It’s a stretch,” she said. “Write it if you must.”

But my thoughts on the subject of potty training were quite complicated. I kept thinking about an essay by philosopher Martin Heidegger, “The Question Concerning Technology,” in which Heidegger argued that we moderns see everything in terms of technology. With this manner of thinking in mind, the “ins and outs” of potty training became, to me, an industrial or even computer metaphor for raising one’s children. What goes into the machine/computer/child thus has a direct impact on what comes out. Control the raw materials/data/nutrition that goes in and one can control the output. This, of course, is a rather explicit interpretation of the phrase, “ins and outs.” Generally, the phrase can also mean developing a deeper understanding of the subject such as “knowing the subject inside and out.” In either case, whether one’s understanding is explicit or general, Heidegger’s observation can be aptly applied to the subject of potty training. For many modern parents, teaching their children to use the toilet is a problem to be solved. Potty training becomes a science that requires carefully administered techniques and interventions. These modern parents may even buy a book instructing them on how to potty train.

I should note here that it may seem odd to refer to an atheistic philosopher in a blog on Christian parenting. In defense of Heidegger, though, I would say that the German atheist provided an inroad to understanding Christianity in so far and Christianity is essentially an ancient practice. Heidegger understood the difference between how moderns think and how ancients thought. Heidegger can be instructive because, in many respects, for a modern person to become a Christian is a project of learning to think like an ancient person. Specifically, this means thinking about one’s children not in technological terms, but in terms of love and character. To the modern way of thinking, children are like clay that needs to be shaped, molded, and formed. To an ancient manner of thought, children are like acorns that will grow into the people the Creator made them to be.

This distinction can be quite apparent when it comes to potty training. A modern way of looking at toilet training is that the children, like domestic pets, require parental involvement to develop the ability to control their bladder and bowels. A more ancient way of looking at the subject is to recognize that children—as human beings, distinct from the animal kingdom—will naturally develop the ability to control their digestive output as a process of reasoning and natural inclination. Granted, even to the ancients, the children may require some degree of parental discipline or instruction, but overall the process occurs as a development of their essential nature. The most important aspect of potty training to parents who think like ancients is staying out of the way and waiting for the child to be ready.

Of course, most contemporary parents have the added complication of daycare when it comes to potty training. Parents may have the patience to wait for the 3-year-old boy to come around and develop control, but their daycare provider is likely to become weary of an untrained toddler. For this reason, parents and providers have striven to train toddlers at younger and younger ages. They create eating schedules and potty schedules, all in an attempt to gain control of the child’s bladder and bowels. They can be quite successful. But, to me, it often seems more like the parents are the ones being trained and the children would merely resort to their own inclinations in the absence of the routine and structure.

Since I first wanted to write about this topic several weeks ago, dear wife and I have had several conversations on this topic, and she has realized there was actually more to the topic than appeared at first. The insights about potty training also apply to a variety of modern trends in parenting, from early reading and math instruction to no child left behind. Modern society has forgotten that children are a blessing from God-- that each child is unique, and that parents should learn to appreciate each child’s God-given proclivities. Parenting is more than any science or art form; parenting is an act of love and an expression of character.

P.S. The actual history of potty training is complex and uncertain, having multiple influencing factors and mostly anecdotal evidence. Nonetheless, it seems to me that the scientific approach to potty training is uniquely modern and potentially dehumanizing.

Saints, Souls, and Saturday

Every year, I usually approach Halloween with a tiny bit of anxiety. This year is no exception. Most times, I'm racing around town at the last minute looking for vampire teeth, tiaras, and tootsie rolls. I worry if we have enough candy or if I bought too much. I'm usually trying to stuff a hotdog down every one's throat before they race off to collect candy. Most of the time, I'm still sewing bunny tails or painting on mustaches while kids are knocking on the door. But this year, I won't be doing any of that. I've had enough and our family has decided to take our Holy Day back.

As October rolled around, I realized that Halloween this year was on Saturday. Now that's a happy realization in our house, for several reasons. Payday is on Friday. This makes last minute candy buying ideal. Hiding candy is practically impossible with 6 children, 5 of whom can smell the chocolate cooking in Hershey. The only way to keep candy around here is to buy something gross like Circus Peanuts. But I digress. Saturday is always a good day for Halloween because, well it's Saturday. I imagined we could dedicate the whole day to Halloween activities. We could catch the parade in the morning, pick up a pumpkin at ½ price from the farmer's market, carve out a neat jack-o-lantern, order a pizza, get dressed up, take the little one's door to door, come home and separate the good candy from the bad, let the children eat more than 2 pieces of candy, throw the kids in the bath, and still have time to watch a movie. It was ideal. Until our mayor decided Saturday night trick-or-treating wasn't safe for the children.

Yep, you heard that right. In case you are wondering, all dangerous people and tricksters wait until the sun goes down on Saturday to engage in criminal activity. Saturday afternoon, the mayor figured, would hinder teenage trouble makers and potential pedophiles from frightening young children and their parents. Needless to say, parents across our fair town inundated the mayor's office with complaints. After all, in what universe is trick-or-treating at 3 PM any fun? Boca Raton, maybe. So the decision was made, by the powers that be, for Halloween to be moved to Thursday, October 29^th.

Now normally, I don't give a hoot. I dress my kids up and off we go. But this year, it hit me like a ton of bricks. The mayor can't move Halloween. I can't move Halloween. Even the President can't move Halloween. Nobody can tell us when to celebrate it, remember it, or recognize it—it's a religious holiday. Now there, I said it. Halloween is a religious holiday and yet, somewhere along the way, some well-meaning people have forgotten that. Somehow this remarkable, joyous holiday got usurped by secular society. And for what it's worth, we Christians let it happen.

When I was a kid, Halloween was the greatest day ever. It was a different time then. Our parents didn't much care where we went or how long we were gone. They just wanted to sort through our candy when we got home so they could eat our chocolate. Every kid in the neighborhood knew all the best houses to go to. Costumes were no big deal, but everyone had one. I always ended up being a witch with one of those green plastic masks that looked like this. We'd all meet up at one central location and ride our bikes, if we had to, just to get Fizzies and Marathon bars. Trick or treating in those days was serious business. It wasn't for babies; it was for school-aged kids. Grandmas handed out homemade cookies and fudge. Parents went to parties. Teenagers went to baby-sit. It was harmless and it was fun. I grew up and never really thought much about Halloween as anything other than candy and ghost stories. But by the 80s, all that had changed.

I think the madness began with this little gem from 1978. Soon enough, the media started reporting about the "dangers" of Halloween, and the next thing you know, there were monsters lurking everywhere. Parents waited in panic for children to return home. They weren't looking through candy bags for the kids' best pieces of chocolate; they were looking for razor blades in the Sugar Daddies. Yuppie parents threw their kids candy apples in the garbage and begged their radiologist friends to x-ray anything left in the wrappers. Soon babysitters were forced to walk the neighborhoods with their charges and miss the one night of the year they could have their boyfriends over unsupervised. Parents quit going to parties and started hosting them instead. Haunted hayrides turned into The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Halloween morphed from the most fun night on the planet to the most dangerous day in the life of a child. Local churches only did what they thought was best. To fight the evil, they started having Fall Festivals. Kids flocked into church basements in Care Bear costumes so they could play games and eat cookies. Only the teenagers were left to gallivant around the streets, egging cars and rolling houses.

In the two decades (yes, I said 20 years), the general idea of a safe Halloween hasn't changed all that much, but the trick-or-treating stuff definitely has. Trick-or-Treat Night is firmly entrenched in American culture and there are now some general rules. There can be no trick-or-treating on Friday or Sunday nights. Friday night is for high school football. Trick-or-treating on Sunday is sacrilegious. A baby's first Halloween is a social milestone. Candy is so, well, passé. Pre-packaged fruit slices, school supplies, and kid-sized toothpaste are the choices of modern families. Not to be outdone, more and more churches are offering this as an alternative. In spite of these efforts by Christians, Halloween has lost all its real significance and has become one big giant costume contest. Parents spend months looking for the perfect costume that accentuates their infant's/toddler's/preschooler's cuteness. This was a best seller last year. What that has do with Halloween, I've yet to discover. In fact, I can't figure out what trick-or-treating and candy even have to do with Halloween. Somebody has capitalized on OUR Holiday and I think it's high time we take it back. I suppose, though, before Christians can actually take it back, they must realize why we celebrate it in the first place.

The early Christian church sprang from Judaism. As such, Christianity and Judaism share similar texts and beliefs. One of those beliefs is life after death. Well before the life of Jesus, Jewish rabbis were already teaching about the afterlife and the purification of souls. The Biblical book of 2 Maccabees offers a glimpse of the practices and beliefs of the Jewish people at that time. These beliefs remain an important part of Jewish faith. Early Christians, who were Jews of varying sects, brought these ideas of the afterlife with them as the Church developed. The tradition in the early Church included the belief that, for a time, souls went to a place for purification before they entered into eternity with Our Lord. Those Christians who live lives of virtue and charity will go on after death to share in the Beatific Vision—the face of God. The Church, through the ages, has referred to these men and women as Saints. There are plenty that we know by name and others that have died without their names ever being known. The communion of saints, as recited in the Apostle's Creed, refers to these saints in heaven, but also the saints waiting purification in Purgatory and the believers here on earth. With these beliefs as foundation, the early Christians began setting aside days of the year to pray for those, both known and unknown, who had died in martyrdom. As the Church grew in size and spread throughout the Roman Empire, it became clear that their needed to be one day set aside in the Church to recognize and prayer for the saints. In 610, Pope Boniface did just that by proclaiming May 13 as the Feast of All Holy Martyrs. It is unclear why the feast day was moved, but in 835 Pope Gregory IV moved the date to November 1 and proclaimed the day as All Saints Day. Traditionally, Feast Days were often celebrated as vigils, or in the evening. Thus, All Saints Day became commonly known as All Hallows Eve, or Halloween.

Under ordinary circumstances, this is where the story of Halloween would end. But since the Church has always been a mission Church, some things unexpected often happen. The Church in those times had the conversion of the whole known world as her goal. As missionaries moved into the corners of the world, they often faced groups of people who had long established belief systems and rituals. This was exactly the case as the Church began moving into the land of the Celts—not these Celtics, but these Celtics. The Celtic Pagans had many rituals, celebrations, and festivals to recognize their gods. One of the most significant festivals, Samhain, took place around the same time of year. Samhain (pronounced Sah-win) means "summer's end." The Pagans believed that on this day the boundaries between the world of the living and the world of the dead became very thin, thus making it possible for the dead to return. They marked this time of year with bonfires, dancing, and dressing in disguises. This fascination with the dead was firmly entrenched in Celtic culture and it became quite difficult for Christian missionaries to explain the Mysteries of the Church. Rather than risk losing the souls of the Celts, the Church instituted sound doctrine and tradition, but allowed some practice of Pagan customs to ease the adjustment period. As Christianity spread, however, these old ways eventually lost their meaning and these practices died out. What remained, instead, was the knowledge and practice that just souls who believe in the Resurrection need not fear death. Unfortunately, Halloween was doomed, if you will, shortly after the Protestant Reformation.

Martin Luther, as is well known, rejected many of the traditions and some of the Scriptures that the Christian Church held as Truth. One of the ideas he rejected was the idea of Purgatory and prayers for the dead. As a result, the church that grew out of his movement could only recognize the Feast of All Souls as a memorial for those in heaven and those left on earth. Any real significance of the Holiday was lost long before these Christians began to settle in the New World. As a result, most of the early Americans had little understanding of the importance of All Saints Day. How, then, has Halloween returned to the celebration that it is today? There are lots of rumors that the Irish Catholics brought these traditions when they settled in the Northeast. There are also rumors about Satanists and Witches in the first colonies. Most of these stories are unfounded. More than likely the idea of trick-or-treating on Halloween has more to do with poverty than sorcery. In the 1930s, children in larger cities often dressed in disguise around the Thanksgiving Holidays and begged for food. They stood around pastry shops and candy stores, in particular. Probably because many Catholic families in the East were celebrating Masses on Halloween, that night became a particularly easy evening to beg for food. Since most Americans were unfamiliar with the theology behind the celebrations, post WWII America was able to capitalize on the idea. By the 1950s, Walt Disney, the Hershey Co., and a host of other kid-focused companies had found a market. Trick-or-Treating soon became fully recognized by adults and children as an American Holiday. Inevitably though, as all religious significance was stripped away, Halloween is becoming more focused on the macabre and the supernatural. In many ways the festival has returned to its Pagan roots, where there is more focus on the actions of the dead than on the actions of the living. The real meaning of the day—that upon death, just souls will share in the Vision of Our Lord—is lost.

As All Saints Day draws closer, I would like to end with this prayer.

O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of Hell, lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of Thy mercy.

Amen.

Think Pink, Go Green

The month of October has been designated as Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As such, I've been hearing a lot about breast cancer and finding a cure. I know a few people who are involved in raising awareness through programs like this and this. Even the NFL has gotten in on the action. Breast cancer is an insidious disease. It has touched my own life through family members. Raising awareness and finding a cure for breast cancer is certainly a worthy cause and I don't want to diminish the time, money, and effort Americans put into cancer awareness programs. But I do want to shift the focus.

October is also Respect Life Month. Begun by the Catholic bishops in America in 1972, the Respect Life program stresses the value and dignity of human life from the moment of conception until natural death. Each year, the Catholic Church in America seeks to bring attention to any number of issues affecting the dignity of and infringing upon the rights of people. Here, you can read the bishop's statement launching this year's Respect Life Month. Many of these life issues are somewhat controversial in the minds of the public, but also among many Christians, as well. I would like to talk about one of these controversial topics, contraception, not only because it affects the dignity of women, but also because it might be causing them cancer as well.

Breast cancer awareness has taken up a huge block of media this month. The Lifetime Channel is integrating the subject in several of their programs. Because of all this attention, I thought I might check out the facts and statistics for myself. All of it is very confusing, to say the least. I did find out a few things though. A total of 2.4 million Americans die each year. Of those, cancer claims the lives of 560,000 people. Statistically, that is pretty significant. 23% of American deaths can be attributed to cancer. From all the media attention, I imagined that breast cancer might account for a large number of these cases, but I was wrong. The actual number of women who die from breast cancer each year is about 40,000. In other words, less than 2% of deaths in America are breast cancer related. In fact, more people die each year from kidney disease than from breast cancer. But I did discover something rather alarming while wading through the quagmire of statistics and research—breast cancer among young women is on the rise. What was once an "old woman" disease is now the leading cause of death in women under 50. Why? What has changed so dramatically in our culture or among women to bring about this plight? Has breast cancer always silently inflicted young women? Is there anything we can do about it? What, if anything, does any of this have to do with respecting life or Christianity?

I'm not certain that anyone will ever be able to definitively determine what causes breast cancer. Over the years lots of organizations have pinpointed the culprits—electromagnetic fields, cow's milk, and plastic. Some ideas get dismissed as quickly as rowdy customers in Walmart. Others, like this one, seem to linger as long as there is an agenda to promote. However, researchers have known for decades that a woman's lifetime exposure to estrogen is associated with her risk of developing breast cancer. That seems pretty straightforward to me. Considering that men make up less than 1% of breast cancer cases, it's probably likely that estrogen plays a fairly significant role in the disease. Normally, women have little control over their estrogen levels. Most young girls are caught by surprise when they first begin menstruating. Older women go through years of waning cycles before menopause. Estrogen is unpredictable. It makes us irritable. It makes us feel euphoric. It makes us emotional. It makes us fat. It gives us the ability to bring new life into the world. And, yes, it leaves us susceptible to breast cancer. None of this has changed in the last 50 years. But something has. More than 85% of women have used some form of hormonal contraceptive during their reproductive years. There is no doubt that widespread use of hormonal contraceptives has changed women. But it may be killing them, as well.

I don't want to go into a long, drawn out discussion on the origins of the oral contraceptive pill. It would take up most of this space and a lot of time. But a quick look at the history of the birth control movement will lead anyone straight to Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood. Her motives for controlling the births of babies are no secret. For 4 decades, Margaret Sanger dreamed of a "magic pill" that would suppress a woman's fertility. Her vision became reality when, in 1951, she met scientists who were willing to help her. The process of providing a contraceptive pill to the public was long and arduous. Reluctantly, the FDA granted approval to market the drug for limited use in 1960. In May of that year, oral contraceptives became the only drug marketed not to treat a medical illness. The safety issues with hormonal contraceptives at the time were dismissed and continue to be misrepresented or ignored all together. Hormonal contraceptives, whether in the form of pills, patches, or injections, continue to be prescribed to healthy women for long term use for the sole purpose of addressing a social issue. The introduction of a contraceptive pill was the beginning of one of the greatest social experiments of our time using women as guinea pigs.

Currently, there are 6 types of hormonal contraceptives available to women in the U.S. Those hormones are either synthetic estrogen or progestin or a combination thereof. Most, if not all, of those hormones are listed in the 11^th Report on Carcinogens, a report issued periodically by the Department of Health and Human Services. This report identifies substances that are known to or are reasonably assumed to cause some form of cancer. It has been known for some time that estrogen causes blood clots, which increases the risk of stroke. There continues to be debate regarding birth control pills and heart disease. And new research continues to surface regarding synthetic progestin and breast cancer. There are also studies linking hormonal contraceptives to liver disease, migraine headaches, and a host of psychological issues. It has also been suggested that the use of hormonal contraceptives has a significant impact on women's partner selection. It seems that infertile women prefer boyish faces to chiseled profiles. It also seems that men actually find fertile women to be more attractive. Based on this information alone, I wonder how anyone could argue that the benefits of hormonal birth control outweigh the risk. And then it occurred to me. Our society, including Christians, is willing to overlook this evil in the name of practicality or pragmatism.

It's certainly reasonable to assume that controlling one's fertility has given women, and men for that matter, a considerable amount of freedom. Because they don't have to worry about pregnancy, women have much more power in their sexual relationships. They are able to satisfy their sexual needs without giving much consideration to their partners. Men and women are able to postpone marriage while enjoying an active sex life. Many couples choose to live together in "trial" marriages without making long term commitments. Couples who do marry are free to focus indefinitely on their emotional and financial needs without having children. Women are able to concentrate on their careers by remaining in the workforce for much longer periods of time. Because of this financial security, women are able to leave marriages where they are unhappy or uncomfortable. Yet this freedom women enjoy comes at a price. Men are able to delay their own adolescence because there is no real expectation that they will become fathers. Men are able to reduce women to sexual objects, a means to satisfy their own sexual desires, while disregarding her physical and emotional needs. Men no longer have to be committed in their sexual relationship, therefore leaving women feeling confused and vulnerable. Any pregnancy that results through contraception is, by nature, unintended by one person or the other. According to the Guttmacher Institute, nearly half of all pregnancies in the U.S. are unintended. In their report, 54% of women who had abortions were using some form of contraception. Surprisingly, a large number of these women are Christians. Many women who embrace their unintended pregnancy often find themselves raising children alone. The social ramifications of all these situations are only beginning to be understood.

Even though these social problems are only now coming to light, they were foreseen long ago when oral contraceptives were first made available to the public. In 1968, Pope Paul VI, almost prophetically, addressed these very issues in his Encyclical Letter, Humanae Vitae (On Human Life). He recognized the increasing demands society was placing on families, especially larger ones. He also recognized the changing of women's roles in that society. But in his wisdom, guided by the Holy Spirit, he also understood the intrinsic evil associated with the direct and deliberate practice of contraception. Although Pope Paul VI couldn't possibly have realized the medical difficulties women might face, he certainly was able to predict the breakdown of marriage, the loss of respect for women, and the general lowering of moral standards in our society. In spite of his words, Christians rejected the notion that ultimately God is in charge of the number of children they have. They instead eagerly embraced what has proven to be evil in order to accomplish what they viewed as a greater good. They dismissed the idea that men and women are called by God to gain mastery over their desires and emotions. They overlooked God's design of a loving marriage, two spouses responsible for each other's physical and emotional well-being. They pushed aside the realization that marriage requires commitment, responsibility, and sacrifice. And they ultimately rejected the understanding that life is a precious gift, given only by God, not left to the arbitrary emotions of mankind.

Prayer for Reverence of Life

All mighty God, giver of all that is good, we thank you for the precious gift of human life.

For life in the womb, coming from your creative power.

For the life of children, making us glad with their freshness and promise.

For the life of young people, hoping for a better world.

For the life of the handicapped and disabled, teaching us humility.

For the life of the elderly, witnessing the ageless values of patience and wisdom.

Like the Blessed Virgin Mary, may we always say yes to your gift. May we defend it and promote it from conception to it's natural end and bring us at last, O Father, to eternal life, in Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Intimacy is Not Just a River in Egypt

Our 17-year-old son has disclosed something surprising to us, but perhaps common in today’s youth culture. Read on, and let me know what you think.

No, he is not a homosexual. But he does seem counter-cultural, particularly in how he approaches teenaged dating. Here’s his dilemma: A number of our son’s teenaged friends have told him lately that, if he just made a commitment, he could have a girlfriend. These young people—many from good, Christian families--have told him that he could have plenty of dates if he only chose a girlfriend first. Remarkably, he responded with a wisdom and maturity that I wish I had possessed at his age. He argued back to his peers that dating wasn’t supposed to work that way. He asserted that dating should come first, and if he found someone he really liked, he could pick a girlfriend. He also reasoned that, as he gets older, the narrowing down process will continue into engagement and someday probably marriage. Maybe he should bring this discussion up in his Statistics class. As a senior in high school, he’s looking forward to college and maybe graduate school. He’s in no hurry to select a mate.

Select a mate! That sounds so biological! Why is a blog dedicated to Christian families speaking about dating or courtship in such coarse, biological terms? The answer is simple. Mating or procreation is the goal and purpose of marriage. All the other stuff that moderns talk about—companionship, shared responsibilities, common goals, complimentary values—are important factors towards healthy relationships, but they mean nothing without biology. God endowed each human being with a biological drive, and even at that level of raw instinct, human beings tend to be remarkably selective. Call it magnetic attraction. Honestly, how frequently do a young man and a young woman really have magnetic attraction? One in a hundred, one in a thousand, one in ten thousand times?

Of course, these relatively rare moments of intersexual magnetism are not sufficient cause for mating and procreation. And human beings are capable of resisting these biological urges. Nonetheless, the existence and struggle with these impulses can be wonderfully instructive and enlightening for young people. In short, if God made them magnetically attracted to certain individuals, they should be aware of the attractions and the patterns they represent. Unbalanced, their impulses will lead them astray; absent of the propensities, their lives will lack motivation. A recent example that I heard on Christian radio is illustrative: A college freshman, reeling from a bad relationship, asked something like this: “Should I select my next partner in a relationship based on compatibility or chemistry?” The psychologist/minister guest didn’t have an answer on the spot. But the answer was obvious—both and more! You should choose your mate not just based upon compatibility or chemistry, but both and more including common values, goals, and beliefs. God gave young men and women brains to figure out the logic of compatibility, but also sexual urges to harness, drive, and motivate them. Just as it would be foolish to pursue a sexual attraction with an otherwise incompatible mate, it would also be folly to commit to a partner with whom one had no sexual magnetism.

A lot is written today about compatibility. For the most part, compatibility boils down to what I talked about in a previous blog—identity. Until a young person’s identity has begun to coalesce, that young person will be incapable of forming an intimate sexual relationship with another human being. Any entanglement between two immature individuals (i.e. without developed identities) can only result in the negation of each partner’s identity or the domination of one over the other. In other words, adolescents who attempt to engage in sexual intimacy will either experience their own budding identities dissolving into the quagmire or becoming subject to the domination of another. These are hardly the goals of liberalism or feminism, the very movements that espouse sexual freedom for adolescents! In other words, though a significant portion of today’s adolescents are sexually active, they are developmentally incapable of experiencing intimacy.

Today’s pandemic of sex without intimacy is made possible by one modern invention in particular—birth control. In today’s secular society, biology is something to be thwarted. The modern secular world is guilty of circumventing the natural, sexual biology of young people. Today’s non-Christian family (and, sadly, sometimes the Christian family) has a condom drawer in some discrete location for the children to use, no questions asked. Or the children simply procure prophylactics gratis from school or the health department. In a pinch, they’ll go to the drug store. Just as often, mothers cart their pubescent daughters off to the doctor or health department for birth-control pills or shots. This viewpoint seems fairly representative of the secular perspective on the topic. The net result of all this contraception is that young people are removed from an intimate awareness of their sexuality, particularly the feelings that are inherent to sexual attraction.

The behavioral disconnect occurs because sexual intercourse, now under the wavering thumb of contraception, ceases to have any expected consequence. Young people today feel free to experiment with their sexuality without regard to producing children and therefore without the need of the life-long commitment it takes to raise a child. Nonetheless, their instinctive yearning for fidelity and reliability remains, and they often find themselves irrationally jealous or possessive. Without any concrete reason for these inherent emotions, they repress their feelings and continue to behave in ways that only exacerbate theirs and their partners’ emotions. Some examples are promiscuity and serial monogamy. Without the palpable fear of childbirth, many young people lack the discernment to avoid fornication. They fail to connect sexuality to the profound emotional attachments it produces. They repress their awareness of their own human nature, pretending not to feel angry, jealous, or hurt when they or their partner moves on to the next bed-mate.

The casual attitude toward birth control may have biological consequences as well. Though human beings are capable of sexual intercourse outside of periods of fertility, the human species is nonetheless influenced by fertility. Though human men are capable of sex with a partner incapable of getting pregnant, they are instinctively most attracted to ovulating females. From this reasoning, it follows that sex with a woman who is on birth control (essentially feigning pregnancy and incapable of procreation) is likely to take on a completely different nature than sex between two fertile individuals. Likewise, women on birth control find different men attractive than women not on contraception. They are less apt to seek mates who are more genetically diverse—a common survival strategy for most species—in lieu of partners who are actually more genetically similar. Birth control pills may alter women’s ability to detect pheromones, thus rendering them incapable of distinguishing a suitable partner. This change in women’s preferences should be startling to women who use oral contraceptives. They may find themselves attracted to an individual when under the false veneer of hormonal contraception, but find themselves quite disinterested when they go off contraception in order to have children.

Realistically, contraception and the birth-control pill are enduring realities in the society in which today’s Christian parents raise their children. Thus, the question for Christian parents is not so much how to change society but how to change their relationship with their children. Our 17-year-old son is growing up in a world in which a significantly higher percentage of his peers are sexually active than previous generations (If you click on no other links, click on this one. Graph at top powerfully demonstrates my point). This change was especially dramatic with the advent of the birth-control pill. In the face of societal trends, school-based abstinence-only sexual education programs have been shown to be ineffective. NPR and CNN joyously announced the study results that reportedly denounce abstinence-only education (more to come on that in an upcoming “Mental Heath Desk” topic). The liberal media also downplayed the reality that teenage pregnancy declined at the same time that abstinence-only instruction was on the rise. The progressives fail to acknowledge that, like it or not, abstinence is now a real part of the dialogue on teenage sexuality. If nothing else—even if these school-based abstinence programs were completely ineffective—those of us who believe that children are capable of resisting their libidos have been heard. School-based efforts at teaching abstinence-only, especially in public schools, appear to be destined to fail for the vast majority of students. Teens require the backing of their parents before they will accept such instruction. Furthermore, though the schools may have been unable to reach the children, there is nothing comparable to a consistent relationship between a child and his or her parents, even in the teenage years. Thus, parents who have a consistent dialogue with their children regarding dating, relationships, marriage, values, emotions, and sex are likely to have a significant impact.

Recent events indicate that our 17-year-old son deserves an A+ in Abstinence-Only Instruction. Next year, as he goes off to college, where in most cases COED dorms are the norm, I dearly hope he remembers his lessons.

P.S. No, that is not my son getting cozy with Miley Cyrus in the photo above.