The Ins and Outs of Potty Training

My desire to post about potty training stems from several posts of a friend on Facebook. My friend was frustrated with her three-year-old boy who liked the idea of big-boy underwear, but didn’t seem to grasp the concept that going to the potty went along with the new BVDs. One of her friends posted something about learning “the ins and outs of potty training,” which started a string of thoughts and ideas and feelings that I wanted to express.

But my comments were both too lengthy and too serious for a venue like Facebook. So, I discussed my ideas with dear wife, who reviews my posts as I review hers. She immediately questioned, “What’s potty training have to do with Christianity?”

I knew she was going to ask that! She never lets me get away with anything! But, like a wily teenager, I had anticipated her question. “Didn’t you read somewhere recently that the average age of potty training has shifted younger since the 1950’s? That parents used to potty train at around age 3-4, but now it’s more like 1-2?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she responded.

“Do you think you could find that reference?” I queried.

“I might,” she replied, then paused a moment and continued, “But that still doesn’t answer what potty-training has to do with Christianity?”

Sounding like a Bush cabinet member, I replied, “Traditional Christian values.” That was a fair response, though cliché.

She reluctantly conceded, then pressed: “But how does potty training relate to raising Christian children?”

My second response was even shakier. Sounding like a Freudian, I said, “The first time most kids learn about discipline is during potty training. Potty training sets the tone for any further education on self-discipline, morals, and values.” I waited for the loud thunderclap that seems to follow any time I express a flash of psychological theory into our conversations.

“It’s a stretch,” she said. “Write it if you must.”

But my thoughts on the subject of potty training were quite complicated. I kept thinking about an essay by philosopher Martin Heidegger, “The Question Concerning Technology,” in which Heidegger argued that we moderns see everything in terms of technology. With this manner of thinking in mind, the “ins and outs” of potty training became, to me, an industrial or even computer metaphor for raising one’s children. What goes into the machine/computer/child thus has a direct impact on what comes out. Control the raw materials/data/nutrition that goes in and one can control the output. This, of course, is a rather explicit interpretation of the phrase, “ins and outs.” Generally, the phrase can also mean developing a deeper understanding of the subject such as “knowing the subject inside and out.” In either case, whether one’s understanding is explicit or general, Heidegger’s observation can be aptly applied to the subject of potty training. For many modern parents, teaching their children to use the toilet is a problem to be solved. Potty training becomes a science that requires carefully administered techniques and interventions. These modern parents may even buy a book instructing them on how to potty train.

I should note here that it may seem odd to refer to an atheistic philosopher in a blog on Christian parenting. In defense of Heidegger, though, I would say that the German atheist provided an inroad to understanding Christianity in so far and Christianity is essentially an ancient practice. Heidegger understood the difference between how moderns think and how ancients thought. Heidegger can be instructive because, in many respects, for a modern person to become a Christian is a project of learning to think like an ancient person. Specifically, this means thinking about one’s children not in technological terms, but in terms of love and character. To the modern way of thinking, children are like clay that needs to be shaped, molded, and formed. To an ancient manner of thought, children are like acorns that will grow into the people the Creator made them to be.

This distinction can be quite apparent when it comes to potty training. A modern way of looking at toilet training is that the children, like domestic pets, require parental involvement to develop the ability to control their bladder and bowels. A more ancient way of looking at the subject is to recognize that children—as human beings, distinct from the animal kingdom—will naturally develop the ability to control their digestive output as a process of reasoning and natural inclination. Granted, even to the ancients, the children may require some degree of parental discipline or instruction, but overall the process occurs as a development of their essential nature. The most important aspect of potty training to parents who think like ancients is staying out of the way and waiting for the child to be ready.

Of course, most contemporary parents have the added complication of daycare when it comes to potty training. Parents may have the patience to wait for the 3-year-old boy to come around and develop control, but their daycare provider is likely to become weary of an untrained toddler. For this reason, parents and providers have striven to train toddlers at younger and younger ages. They create eating schedules and potty schedules, all in an attempt to gain control of the child’s bladder and bowels. They can be quite successful. But, to me, it often seems more like the parents are the ones being trained and the children would merely resort to their own inclinations in the absence of the routine and structure.

Since I first wanted to write about this topic several weeks ago, dear wife and I have had several conversations on this topic, and she has realized there was actually more to the topic than appeared at first. The insights about potty training also apply to a variety of modern trends in parenting, from early reading and math instruction to no child left behind. Modern society has forgotten that children are a blessing from God-- that each child is unique, and that parents should learn to appreciate each child’s God-given proclivities. Parenting is more than any science or art form; parenting is an act of love and an expression of character.

P.S. The actual history of potty training is complex and uncertain, having multiple influencing factors and mostly anecdotal evidence. Nonetheless, it seems to me that the scientific approach to potty training is uniquely modern and potentially dehumanizing.

iThink, therefore iAm

Everything is lawful, but not everything is beneficial. 1 Corinthians 10:23

When I was in 4^th grade, every Thursday night I used to beg my parents to let me watch "Kung Fu." My father, not an especially strong Christian, nonetheless sensed that there was something hypocritical and corrupting about David Carradine's character on the show. Whether or not his assessment was correct, we had one television in the family room and my father had the controls. For the most part, we watched the show with my father's running commentary. My Dad cracked jokes about how a pacifist could possibly fight as much as Kwai Chang Caine. He scoffed at his seemingly superhuman powers such as knocking away arrows with his forearms. Most of all, my Dad hated the flashbacks that referred to oversimplified Eastern philosophy that accompanied each episode. My father had an advantage that many of today's parents do not. Today's Christian parents only wish they could be as annoying as my Dad.

If contemporary kids want to view something of questionable value, many of them simply set the DVR, watch online, download onto X-box, or watch at a friend's. They are no longer tied down to school nights. Furthermore, for many of today's youth, passive viewing is not stimulating enough. They consume their entertainment via the internet, cell-phones, and gaming systems. In the face of all this technology, Christian parents can find monitoring their children's cultural influences to be a daunting task. In the face of this challenge, Christian parents seem to take one of two approaches as follows: either they greatly curtail their children's use of technology or they allow a free-flowing access.

The problem is not new. In the 19^th Century, America spawned numerous traditionalist communities that resisted modern technology. Most of them--such as the Shakers and the Harmonites--are now defunct, but a few of these societies--such as the Amish and Mennonites--have survived to this day. The Amish people have concluded that the only way to be close to God is to remain isolated from modern culture. Perhaps that is so. They have very strong families and values. Nonetheless, their isolationist approach to modern life is not for everyone. Indeed, if everyone on the planet suddenly adopted Amish standards of technology, the farmers would not be able to produce as much food and there would be world-wide famine.

The progressive approach to technology is not new, either. The 17^th and 18^th Century Enlightenment foretold a future in which all the world's problems would be solved by knowledge and technology. Most of today's descendants from the enlightenment school of thought are scientists and atheists, but a few are to be found in progressive churches. One example of this modern approach to religion is the Westwinds Community Church, where they suggest that their members follow them on Twitter. Certainly, their pews are full and the congregation receives a message that is relevant to contemporary society. Nonetheless, this modern approach to religious services comes across as very materialistic and distracting. With the congregation following along on twitter, one has to wonder if they are listening for the voice of the Holy Spirit or to the chatter of the congregation.

The deeper and more troubling aspect of technology is whether the technology itself changes the way people act or think. The best example of the influence of technology on human behavior is the automobile. Before the car, people walked a lot more than they do today. As a result, people then were on average much thinner and modern society is experiencing an epidemic of obesity. Prior to the automobile, people had a much different concept of space. A thirty mile trip took a whole day, while today 30 miles takes a half an hour. This problem becomes more pronounced as technology progresses. The airplane shortened the subjective distances even more. The internet often eliminates the necessity of travel at all.

As all this technology progresses, people become even more dependent on their technologies to the point where they don't know how to survive without them. Recently, a woman, on the advice of her GPS, got lost in Death Valley. She was so confident in her GPS device that she neglected to bring enough water, failed to acknowledge her own sense of direction or look at a map, and refused to ask for directions. The result of her overconfidence in technology was that, when search and rescue found her, her 11 year-old son was dead from dehydration and exposure. People can become so over-reliant on their technologies that they fail to exercise common sense.

Generally speaking, modern technology is an excellent thing. Christians, however, won't be able to find specific directions regarding technology in the Scripture. What they will find there, instead, are God's instructions regarding Christians' relationship with Him and with the rest of mankind. God never commanded, "Thou shalt not ride in a car." But He did charge man to love Him and also each other. Christians, then, can measure the benefits and pitfalls of technology in light of their relationships. In other words, how does technology affect one's relationship with God and with other people? The effect of technology on one's relationship with God is deeply individual, but the main concern is time. What happens when a person's use of technology is so time consuming that it leaves no space for an internal dialogue with the Creator? Does morning e-mail replace morning prayers? Because one's relationship with God is personal, Christian parents may have only indirect influence on their children in this area. Christian parents, though, do have an impact on their children's relations with others.

Each generation of young people is more technologically savvy than their parents. For example, I went to college around the time personal computers were beginning to make an impact. Though only a small percentage of college students at that time had their own PCs, I observed that those students who owned a PC had a marked advantage. Five years later, PCs were much cheaper and a college student without his or her own PC was unable to compete. In a similar fashion, many of today's parents are slipping out of touch with the changing times. It is vital for Christian parents to avoid this pitfall. Christian parents who fail to remain current with technological advances often leave their children vulnerable. Children who do not have modern options available to them often turn to their school or peers, essentially separating themselves from their parents' knowledge and direction. Sometimes Christian parents do not realize what their children are doing and, if they do, they are ill-equipped to fully understand it. How devastating would it be to discover a daughter sending nude photos of herself via her cell-phone? By contrast, there are those parents who strive to be technologically progressive. They may not realize that living through electronics can prevent them from having meaningful relationships with their children. Even though technology can be quite useful, there are many things that cannot be said in a text message or an e-mail. There is no substitute for the family dinner. No Christian parent wants to lose that human connection with his or her child.

One of the most confusing aspects of technology is whether a child is attracted to it for the cool factor or for the utility. Christian parents who want to have a proper and balanced use of technology must be able to separate the two. This distinction is often difficult because modern technology has social significance. Items that appear to be cool or trendy may actually have an underlying social usefulness. Is there any practical reason for an 8 year-old to have a cell-phone? Maybe an iPod is the perfect gift for a teenager. Perhaps there are good reasons not to have an X-Box Live account. Whatever the device, parents can ask similar questions. Regardless of their children's wish list, the most important consideration for parents may well be budgetary limits. No Christian parent should bankrupt themselves to provide their children with the latest gadgets. Nor should parents feel obligated to indulge their children simply because their finances allow. The consequences for both parents and children can be paramount. Lavish the children with too much and the children are prone to become spoiled and superficial. Withhold access to modern conveniences and the children may lag behind. Modern children will live in a future quite unlike the world of today. The appropriate exposure to modern technology can make or break how they thrive in that world.

--Steve Willmot

Encouraging Spiritual Development

When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things. (1 Corinthians 13: 11)

Spiritual maturity is akin to physical maturity. Parents don’t put their baby down for a nap only to return to find him dressed and ready for college. Instead parents spend countless hours waiting for first smiles, first teeth, and first steps. With each developmental milestone met, parents rejoice and prepare for their child’s next stage. Christian maturity develops along a similar path. It takes time, education, practice, and patience. All children are born with the desire for God. The Creator places this desire on every human heart. This desire, if not fostered, can be forgotten or rejected. Christian parents then, as their children’s spiritual educators, have to help their children recognize this desire and grow into mature Christians. For children to develop spiritual maturity, parents should be aware that their children’s moral reasoning ability develops in stages. Aside from Bible stories, one of the ways Christian parents initiate this process is by teaching their children about sin. In spite of what many Christian parents think, sin is a complicated concept. In simple terms, though, sin is an offense against God—love of one’s self over God. Children, of course, are not immediately able to understand this concept and therefore need direction from their parents. Christian parents have to teach their children what sin is, what constitutes sinful behavior, and how to make moral choices. In other words, Christian parents need to guide their children through the moral reasoning process.

Most parents know that infants have very limited reasoning ability. In fact, an infant is entirely incapable of understanding the moral implications of his actions. At this stage, he only desires the attention and affection of his parents. Parents learn quickly how to achieve desired behavior from their child, either through rewarding or scolding. Why is this response important for Christian parents to understand? Because infants are unable to identify sinful behavior, they are not capable of choosing to do good and avoiding sin. When an infant bites someone, for example, she is merely being curious, not intentionally hurtful. If the child repeats this behavior, she is not being rebellious or disobedient. Consistent scolding from the parents will usually convince the infant to stop biting, but nothing can help the child at the stage of infancy to understand how her behavior causes the suffering of others. Moral judgments from the parents regarding the child’s behavior can only affect how the child views herself, and God, at a later stage. Christian parents should take heart and be patient. This period is short lived. As the children go through this stage, with appropriate guidance they will learn which behavior is acceptable and which should be avoided. This lays the foundation for their later understanding of virtue and vice.

As infants grow into toddlers, they begin to learn the difference between good and bad behavior. The “terrible two’s”, as some parents call this stage, can be particularly difficult. Many parents struggle with appropriate discipline at this time, for fear they may be too harsh when correcting their children’s behavior. In most cases, though, children at this age will avoid bad behavior precisely because they fear their parent’s punishment. Christian parents can manage this transition simply by understanding their toddler’s moral development. Toddlers can understand clearly that certain actions make Jesus happy and others make Jesus sad. But they have a problem understanding why a particular action is unacceptable or sinful. In fact, Christian parents may spend an entire day answering the question, “But why?” Mild disobedience at this age is normal and, once again, Christian parents should refrain from making moral judgments. More often than not, toddlers are merely testing boundaries by pushing their parents’ limits. A toddler is perfectly capable of understanding that living room walls are not coloring books. Yet, when his parents are otherwise involved, that same toddler may draw circles in various shades of red. His disobedience, of course, involves no malice; he may be frustrated, bored, angry, or headstrong. While punishment in some form will correct the behavior, Christian parents should consider why their toddlers are misbehaving and address the cause of such conduct. Christian parents often become frustrated during this trying age. With any amount of consistency, though, parents will see their little ones are able to gain some control over their actions and learn to practice some self-restraint.

Pre-school age children can be delightful. They are fairly capable of following directions and they love to imitate behavior. At this age, parents are often able to convince their children to do most anything, simply by offering them a reward. While parents may find this encouraging, they should recognize that pre-school age children still have a very primitive level of moral reasoning. Christian parents may actually be confused with their children’s behavior. Children of this age enjoy stories about Jesus, angels, or other religious material. They can even be encouraged to act in ways that are pleasing to God—as long as their parent’s define what pleases God. Because of their reasoning ability, preschoolers act primarily out of self interest and seldom act out of a strong desire to do good things. What are the implications for Christian parents? Proceed with caution. Children of this age tend to behave in ways that they believe their parents or friends may like. “Potty mouth” is a common occurrence in this age group, even among Christians. The child may repeat words she has heard from a parent, a grandparent, or a sibling, without consideration that it is offensive. Christian parents may struggle with helping her understand that a word is bad even if grandma says it. For this reason, parents ought to address sinful behavior with caution. This isn’t the time, however, for parents to become complacent. Children in this stage of reasoning need strong Christian role models and guidance.

By the time children are school aged, they have a bit more autonomy. They are able to perform daily tasks and chores without much supervision. Many parents appreciate this stage of their child’s life because they become interested in activities outside the home. The parents soon discover that their children are focused on rules and justice. Children at this age all seem to have the same complaint—“That’s not fair!” They want nothing more than to be nice and for others to reciprocate. Christian parents may be particularly pleased with their children during this period. The children are quite capable of identifying sinful behavior. At the same time, they are able to comprehend deeper Christian principles, such as the need for salvation. While these young people may seem to have mastered their sinful nature and tamed their wills, parents should be aware of one critical fact. Children of this age may only follow the rules or act appropriately when they believe they might be caught disobeying or punished. For example, a school-aged boy might take his friend’s bike if he sees it unoccupied. When confronted, the boy may even lie about his involvement for fear of being labeled a “meanie.” This type of behavior can seem troubling to Christian parents. The children seem to be blatantly disobedient and plotting to hide their sins. At this stage parents have to be careful to address these issues swiftly and firmly, but also with gentleness. Christian parents have every right to expect their school aged children to control their behavior. With practice and encouragement, the children will even do so when no one is watching.

As young children mature into teenagers, parents often experience great anxiety. Many parents even dread to hear the word—adolescent. Adolescence leaves the parents with a new set of fears associated with driving, dating, and preparing their children to leave home. Many parents wonder if their children will actually be able to manage the responsibilities of the adult world. But as these young people become adults, they can begin to develop a more mature level or moral reasoning. While they have the capacity to make moral decisions simply because they are right, they are also be able to recognize how their behavior affects other people. For example, today’s teenager knows that smoking is dangerous. He should be able to avoid smoking, even if he has some involvement with acquaintances who smoke. Christian parents should expect their teenagers to be conscious of their behavior, to be aware of whether it is sinful and has consequences for themselves or others. Christian parents should avoid the impulse to be overprotective during this age. Instead they should find comfort in allowing their children to practice putting their faith into action.

Parenting children to this level of Christian maturity is a daunting task. But consider the alternative. While a few Christian parents may get away with hovering over their children into young adulthood, the vast majority of these parents will experience rebellion, especially in adolescence. In terms of their children’s developing faith, this parental over-involvement eventually results in a distancing from church attendance and from God. The opposite approach is also detrimental. Parents who give too much leeway give their children too little credit. They do not challenge their children to grow in their relationship with Christ. Eventually, the result of this approach is their children having a lackadaisical belief and a non-obligatory attitude about religion. Rather than either of these approaches, it is possible for Christian parents to enter into a dialogue with their children, starting from infancy, in which the children are accepted for where they are at their particular age, but also encouraged to reach beyond to the next developmental stage. In this way, young adults from Christian families can develop into strong, principled, and independent Christian adults. Isn’t that what all Christian parents really want?

Parenting in the Age of Paranoia

Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

Perhaps one of the hardest and most important things for Christians to learn is how to trust God. This is especially challenging for Christians as they become parents, particularly in this culture, which bombards parents with messages about menaces looming around every corner. Christians have to learn how to resist these fearful messages and trust that God will ultimately protect them and their families. They also have to realize that the mainstream culture is at odds with Christian Faith and, as such, riddled with fears. Of course, evil and real danger do exist in the world but the point of being a Christian—and for that matter a Christian parent—is to rise above these nefarious forces and trust that, as long as they remain with God, even the most unfortunate circumstances will be subsumed into God’s greater plan.

A few days ago, after seeing a commercial for a T.V. show about flesh-eating parasites, our eight-year-old son asked a profound question. He asked, “Why would God create a creature that would eat us from the inside out?” His father replied in the only wise way for a father to respond, “Go ask your mother.” And in her superior wisdom, she explained that these types of parasites are extremely rare. She clarified that humans are not normally on the menu for these creatures. She told him that God created these creatures to survive on organisms other than humans, but that in rare cases people can make themselves susceptible to these types of parasites. He was satisfied with her response. He was also okay with our decision for him to avoid watching that show. Frankly, we did not want to watch it either. Creepy stuff! At any rate, our eight-year-old child’s question actually touched upon a deep philosophical and theological question, “Why does God allow evil, sickness, death, and tragedy to occur?”

Simply put, God did not create mankind to die. Rather, God created a perfect world, full of beauty and life. Satan, in his jealousy, introduced evil into the world, bringing with him suffering and death. Because God loved His creation so, He sent Jesus. Jesus, through his death and resurrection, freed mankind from sin and death. With this knowledge, all those who believe in Christ find peace in the presence of evil, sickness, death, and tragedy. In a culture inundated with fears, however, many Christians face doubts and anxiety. Some Christians fall prey to the devil’s deception and accept the cultural message that evil doesn’t really exist. Other Christians may be fully aware of the presence of evil in the world but become transfixed on the power of the devil. They often give the devil too much credit and become irrationally fearful. In short, they become paranoid.

Sometimes fear is justified. Parents are justified for insisting on general safety rules for their children. For example, thousands of children are injured each year in bicycling accidents. Many of these accidents are unavoidable, but parents have learned there are many ways to reduce the risk of serious injury to their children. They make them wear helmets and insist they be home before dark. This is not paranoia; it’s common sense. Parents only become paranoid when their imagined fears are greatly out of proportion to the reality of the potential risk. For example, there are parents who do not allow their children to swim in the ocean. They have an irrational fear that their children may be attacked or, worse, killed by hungry predators. In reality, shark attacks are highly unlikely. In 2007, there were 64 shark attacks world-wide and only four fatalities. With billions of people in the world, four deaths due to sharks are very good odds. Nonetheless, there are still parents who are terrified of allowing their children to swim in the ocean. With this in mind, the following is a top-ten list of things that today’s parents seem to be paranoid of the most:

10. Germs. Parents go to extreme lengths to protect their children from germs. Apparently, they have never heard of the five second rule and eating a booger is more than just gross--it's dangerous. These parents see creepy critters lurking everywhere, especially on shopping carts. These parents will keep the hand sanitizer industry in the black for decades to come. As Christians, we should know that God made the human body a germ fighting machine, complete with natural ways to fight off infections. Without some exposure to outside germs, the body’s immune system would fail to develop and become susceptible to opportune infections.

9. Holidays that contain fictitious characters. There are actually parents today who are afraid of lying to their children about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. They believe that their children will never trust another living soul should they find out that--egad--their parents surprised them with gifts and candy without getting any of the credit. Perhaps these parents fear that their children might become suspicious of anonymous generosity as well. Some Christian parents fear that these secular traditions might lead their children to honor fat old men and monstrously large lagomorphs as a means to salvation. Halloween adds a whole new dimension to these parents dread with all the zombies and vampire worship, not to mention the razor blades hidden in their neighbor’s candy. Christian parents might find it helpful to recognize that Christians have always used symbols for instruction. These parents can use Saint Nicholas to teach their children about kindness and generosity. They can use the Easter Bunny to teach about new life and rebirth. Christian parents can even use All Hallow's Eve as an opportunity to remember the souls of their ancestors is Heaven.

8. Childhood Diseases requiring vaccinations. Just like the germaphobes, there are plenty of parents who are petrified of communicable childhood diseases. They have visions of their children scarred with pox marks, their entire house in quarantine, or worse, one of their children dying. While it is true some vaccinations have eradicated crippling diseases like polio, the list of necessary vaccines keeps getting longer. Before long starting kindergarten will be similar to traveling to sub-Saharan Africa. At the same time, many parents fear that these vaccinations will plunge their children into a lifetime of silence and suffering from autism. They find themselves caught in the middle of a vaccine war and baffled over the contradictory information. Parents then look to their trusted family doctors for advice. While this may seem an appropriate option, Christian parents may find it helpful to do some research on their own. One required vaccine is for a disease that is mostly contracted through sexual contact. Another vaccine is required to protect against a disease that causes about 100 cases of death per year. Christian parents might pause to consider if these facts outweigh the risks of contracting the actual diseases. Many of these diseases cause nothing more than the mere inconvenience of missed days at school or work but provide lifetime immunity. Of course, as Christians we should be encouraged by medical progress and advances that improve our health and make our lives better. But the slightest mention of disease shouldn’t cause Christian parents to worry unnecessarily or to take risks that might actually endanger their children’s health in the future.

7. Bullies and Bullying. Parents constantly worry that their children are being tormented by bullies whether at school, on the playground, or over the internet. These parents fear that their children, if left unsupervised, will be tortured and antagonized to the point of murder or suicide. These parents have allowed the school systems to aid in combating bullying and fully support zero-tolerance policies—lest their children get stabbed in the hallway with a fingernail file. Christian parents may find it reassuring to note that bullies have existed as long as there have been children with glasses and worn out shoes. Left alone and given encouragement, these children learn to handle mild bullying quite effectively. Many children hone their sense of humor or their salesmanship skills on the playground with burly bullies. Of course, there are a few children on either side of the bullying issue that need parental intervention. This situation is rare and sometimes involves children with mental health concerns. Christian parents should be mindful before interfering in their children’s problems. Children need to learn their own coping and problem-solving skills. Christian parents might also consider the idea that children often perceive kindness for weakness and righteousness as being judgmental which can make their own children targets for bullies. For this reason, Christian parents should be cautious before becoming too critical of their children’s efforts to solve their own problems.

6. Fetal Anomalies. Pregnant couples worry about the condition of their unborn child and it’s not difficult to imagine the worse possible outcomes. Women’s dreams during this time can range from having kittens to having a baby with bat’s wings. Parents always want comfort that their growing child will be healthy. Maternity care providers often make this situation more difficult by over emphasizing testing available at different stages of fetal development for various anomalies. Christian parents can find this especially stressful since any negative result is more often than not met with a suggestion for abortion. These parents will do well to remain encouraged that the actual risk of having a child with a fetal abnormality is rare. Only 2% of women at age 45 have their unborn babies diagnosed with a chromosomal disorder. The odds are considerably lower for a woman in her 20s. In other words, babies are born perfectly healthy over 98% of the time. Christian parents should always be mindful that, even in the case of a difficult diagnosis, God will always provide for their needs.

5. Cervical Cancer. As if parents didn’t have enough to worry about, they now have to reflect on the possibility that their daughters, at some point in the future, might contract cervical cancer. Doctors and pharmaceutical reps would have parents believe that the virus causing cervical cancer can be picked up from the Sunoco gas station toilet seat. Or perhaps it can be contracted from a toad peeing on one’s hand. We suspect the executives at the pharmaceutical company were intentionally vague about the actual vector of contraction for this virus. Christian parents would be wise to study the genuine cause of HPV, the virus that leads to cervical cancer. They should then counsel their children appropriately.

4. Car seats. Parents across the nation agree that an infant car seat is a much safer way to secure a child in an automobile than a Nike shoe box. But hopefully before their children go off to college, these parents might consider dropping the car seat off at the Salvation Army (Recycling is in fashion these days). Since child restraint laws differ by state, there is no consensus on what age this transition should take place. However, it may be safe to assume that the average crash-test dummy is smarter than your local Congressperson. We believe that the car seat manufacturers may be involved in the zero-population growth conspiracy because it is impossible to fit more than two or three restrained children in a Volkswagon Beetle. Of course, Christian parents cannot do much about car seat laws. The laws in many states require children to be restrained until age 8 or higher, and this law is hardly worth being martyred over. Before Christian parents begin strapping car seats to the luggage rack on top of the minivan, they might consider complaining to their Congressperson.

3. Child Abduction. While Americans spend millions of dollars annually in therapy bills to get a monkey off their back, parents spend just $11.50 at Walmart to put a monkey on their kids back. Child safety harnesses come in a variety of friendly animal companions and even Disney has a corner of the market. It seems rather peculiar that parents have resorted to putting their children in leashes and their dogs in dresses. Some parents may actually find it necessary to restrain their children in this manner, but many parents simply fear their children will run away and be kidnapped. Some people watch far too much television, especially the Bill O’Reilly Factor. Christian parents will be wise to consider this fact—the odds of an Adam Walsh style child abduction are comparable to being struck by lightning while wearing green pajamas on the third Thursday in February during a leap year. In fact, the overwhelming majority of children who are abducted are taken by their non-custodial parent—something Christian parents should carefully consider before they sign divorce papers.

2. Their Children’s Failure. Contemporary parents are obsessed with success. They feel defeated if their children haven’t potty trained themselves by two, learned to read by four, or earned their black belt by eight. Parents fill their shelves with bobble-head soccer trophies and 5th place spelling bee ribbons. They want their children to get an A+ in self-esteem. Christian parents, however, should be cautious of this modern approach to parenting. Not only do children need praise but they also need constructive criticism. In this way, children learn how to improve their behavior, control their emotions, and strive to meet their goals. In order for children to grow into self-reliant, independent adults, they need to learn from their mistakes. Christian parents should allow their children to fail yet provide them with comfort and encouragement just as Christ does for His children.

1. Religion. Believe it or not, many parents today fear that their children will join some religious cult, like the Moonies or the Catholics or the Mormons or the Baptists. In some ways, parents fear nothing more in this secular culture than their children becoming religious, especially Christian. Many parents are less afraid that their children will become homosexual. At least if they are gay they will get a good seat at a five-star restaurant. Many Christian parents have a similar fear. They worry that any exposure to peers from different faith groups or to other religions will cause their children to burn the Bible and paint a red dot on their foreheads. Christian parents should be reassured that, as long as they remain confident and positive examples of Christianity, then their children will almost certainly follow their religious instruction.

Our Top Ten List above are clear examples of the Two Percent Trap. Each of these fears are irrational and occur rarely in real life. Christian parents might give careful consideration before falling into this trap. They also might be better served by identifying areas where real dangers exist. These are just a few areas that deserve caution and we invite you to comment on other areas where Paranoia is Paramount.

Ancient Faith in a Modern World

In the beginning of our marriage, we were invested in the culture. We took advice and suggestions from people in the secular world--doctors, pediatricians, and psychology professors. This had a profound and often negative effect on both us and our children. At that time, though we both believed in God, our faith was more in a generic Higher Power than any specific diety or Christian God. We were cultural Christians. Gradually or sometimes in fits and bounds, as our Christian faith grew, we had increasing doubts about the deluge of messages from the culture about childrearing. We started wondering about anything from dual careers to teenaged dating, and we found that Christianity put these issues under a very different light. As a result, we became more invested in Christ than in the culture.

We came into our marriage with a contempt for Traditional Christianity. None of our parents were particularly strong Christians, and they frankly made meager attempts to educate us in Christianity. As we became young adults in the 80's, many of the traditional Christian values seemed obsolete to us. At that time, we perceived traditional Christians to be rigid and bigoted, and we did not want to raise our children to be that way. Nonetheless, something changed after the birth of our first child. In retrospect, we realize that God was calling us. At that time, though, we were drawn to the fellowship that may be found in a Christian community.

As a consequence, by becoming so focussed on how much God loved us and our family, we became obsessed with our own importance. At that point, we began to put ourselves before our children and certainly before God. As a result, our lives and our Christian faith unraveled. That life without Christ became very painful. Eventually, we both found it necessary to re-examine Christianity--not only God's love for us, but also our love for God. This meant that we had to think about our obedience to God. Our own moral decay led us to this point; even worse, our children were on a similar trajectory. We prayed. We went back to church. And this time we were armed with the Scripture.

We became determined that we were going to live with Christ at the center of our lives, yet somehow live in contemporary society. In other words, we were convicted to do, as Paul said, "to live in the world, but not be of the world." This is often more arduous than it sounds. Contemporary society and technology can easily distract adults from their Christian paths, and raising children either too detached from the modern world or too indulged in it can lead to retaliation or despair. Being a judicious Christian requires not only the balance of Aristotle but also the wisdom of Solomon.

We are not the only Christian parents who are trying to meet this challenge. While some Christian parents seem to isolate from the rest of society and others appear to succumb to the momentum of the culture, judicious Christian parents strive to apply their Christian values to living within society. Their path may be difficult. We know many really good Christian families who struggle with fertility issues, breastfeeding, daycare, unruly children, educational choices, appropriate entertainment, peer groups, attire, grooming, dating, driving, alcohol abuse, sexual identity, teenaged pregnacy, and raising children who go on to become Christians themselves. Our hope is that this blog becomes a platform for giving Christian parents the skills, knowledge, and courage they need to raise their children with an ancient and timeless faith in a modern world.