Poverty Builds Character

Money problems have invaded my normally philosophical mind and taken over as of late. It seems like I worry about money all the time. Now, adding a new expense into the mix, we just sent our oldest son off to college. An already tight family budget has shrunk to ridiculous proportions.

For me, struggles with money can be especially acute because I grew up in fairly affluent circumstances. I often wish that I could provide for my own children a similar lifestyle that I took for granted growing up. As a youth, I went skiing in the Alps and the Rockies, and I never questioned whether my parents would pay for college. Now, as an adult, trips to Alabama and Ohio are budget-busters, and I'm beginning to see parents paying for college as just another mistake coming out of the sixties.

My wife and I have had more than a few arguments about paying for college over the years. She sees college as the student's responsibility, and I have seen college as largely the parents'. Like usual, I have resisted her viewpoint and learned the hard way that she was right. Aptly, our eldest son seems to have settled on a mid-ground between my wife's position and mine. To his credit, he has earned several academic scholarships through his university. But, partly due to his expectation that we would help, he didn't apply for additional scholarships or awards. For us, the bottom line is as follows: according to student aid, with six kids on a mental health income our total expected family contribution is $0.00. (Who am I to question the Federal Government?) Reality check! I am not my father. I do not make a six-figure income. I cannot afford elaborate ski trips, and I cannot afford to send my children to college. We will manage, somehow. But from this point forward, if my kids want to go to college, they have to hit the books and study, research educational institutions and opportunities, and apply for independent scholarships. Otherwise, they will be forced to accrue excessive student loans that an undergraduate education scarcely justifies. Or they can join the military. Or they can get a job.

Coming from my background, this perspective on paying for college is somewhere between heresy and high-treason. My mother and siblings believe that one should not have more children than one is able to send to college. (Eh Gads! My mother and her other children actually think Margaret Sanger was right!) Often, being a Christian, especially a traditional Catholic, can put a person at odds with parents and siblings. For me, this struggle has been at times quite painful. My family has made some very cold remarks about my large family and small income. Their most frequent criticism is this: "How are you going to afford to send them all to college?"

But, really, what's so wrong with expecting young adults to pay for their university education? Perhaps there is something inherently flawed with seeing higher education as a parental obligation. Financial responsibility begets personal responsibility. If the student is footing the bill—either through scholarships or loans or cash—he or she will be more apt to study hard and to learn something. But if Mom and Dad are paying the tab, the student will be more prone to partying and goofing off. Too many parents today see college as a transition period into adulthood. In reality, most college students are technically adults, 18 years or older. For those who approach college life seriously, college is just another variant—like the military or the workforce—of early adult life.

Unfortunately, very few students coming from public high school will have developed this level of serious scholarship, and if they do, they inevitably miss the most important aspect—the love of learning for the sake of learning. Today, most of the serious students are too busy chasing after grades or careers, and they denigrate the study of wisdom or general knowledge. Instead, they quickly jump on the merry-go-round of technological training and external reward. Whereas in high-school, their reward was good grades, in college their reward is looking forward to a lucrative career. Of course, there is nothing wrong in-itself with a profitable career, but when money is the only goal, there's a problem. The world really doesn't need any more smart accountants, lawyers, doctors, or CEOs. What the world really does need, however, are smart accountants, lawyers, doctors, and CEOs who understand the importance of values and ethics. These future ethical leaders are not simply chasing a carrot and stick, they genuinely love learning about their fields simply for the sake of knowledge.

Lately, I've been really worried about our oldest as he goes off to college, not just the whole finances aspect. I'm especially concerned about whether he had the commitment and perspicacity. Then something happened that gave me tremendous hope. Looking at his dorm room he said, "It's not as small as I remember it." Then he said, "I can't believe I have a whole dresser to myself." Wow! What gratitude! It was rather humbling for me, but all the sudden I saw that all of our struggles have been worthwhile. I've been really hard on myself for now being able to provide a better life for my children, and yet that very lack has helped to shape their characters in a positive way. I compare my oldest to myself at his age, and he outshines me in so many ways. At that age, nothing was ever good enough for me; he's incredibly grateful for a small dorm room. I expected things to be handed to me with little effort on my part; he works harder than I did at this stage. And what I did earn, I quickly squandered on the next amusement; well, not everything is all that different. But he's making progress.