Let Them Eat Rice Cake

We had company for Thanksgiving. It was wonderful to visit with family and it made my mother very happy. But nonetheless, after they left for home, I was exhausted and definitely tired of cooking. So on Saturday after the Holiday, my husband and I used the excuse of going to Lowe's for paint to stop by Wendy's for a burger. Stopping at Wendy's is actually a treat for us. You see, we have children. Unless there's a frosty involved, our smaller children suddenly break out in hives when we drive into the parking lot. They inundate us with the usual complaints. "The French fries here taste like slime." "These chicken nuggets get caught in my throat." "They have beans in their soup!" But on this day, we had no children begging for mercy, so we slid into Wendy's for a burger and chili. It was perfect. I was enjoying the moment, spooning chili in the baby's mouth, when it happened. They sat down at the table beside us, and ruined it all.

They were the cutest little family. Dad with his grammar school aged son and daughter. Normally, I probably wouldn't have even noticed them. But the dad was cutting up the little girl's meat. My first thought was that perhaps she didn't like buns, but then I noticed her brother was eating—wait for it—a salad. I quickly glanced around the table. There were no French fries, frosties, or sodas. All I could see was croutons and those little nifty bottles of water. Okay, now I know I shouldn't be so quick to judge. Maybe the children had allergies or gluten intolerance. Or maybe their personal beliefs hold them to very strict dietary standards. But whatever the reason for their menu choices, I thought it was, well, cruel.

Before you think I'm completely off my rocker, let me offer up this bit of information. Wendy's is a fast food restaurant. One should know that dining there comes with a certain amount of risks. In case you missed this, the food is not good for you. In fact, fast food is terrible for you. As such, I can't imagine why a person concerned with calorie, carbohydrate, saturated fat, or sugar intake would even want to go inside any one of the 300,000 fast food restaurants in the U.S. I mean, the stuff they serve is pure junk. These places are not there for your health. Oh, no. They exist purely for our convenience, and sometimes to satisfy our addictions.

Now, I don't want to go into a deep discussion about obesity and nutrition. After all, I don't want your hard earned tax dollars going to waste by putting Team Nutrition out of job. No, this is not a blog about healthy eating. If you really want to know how the digestive system works, ask Dr. Oz. He's full of information and books telling you what you already know. You see, I believe that most adults figured this nutrition thing out long ago. Eat too much, get fat. Cut out the sugar, loose 10 pounds. Apples are better for you than Gummie Bears. It's not rocket science, and we don't need biologists, anthropologists, or Oprah to explain it all to us. But for all the focus on obese adults and children, most people forget that this is just as big and issue as obesity. Where are all the news reports about this or this? As if that weren't disturbing enough, there are news reports like this one, where children are anxious—yes, anxious—about what types of food they eat. What in the world is going on?

I think this whole food obsession and fitness craze took off in the 1960s and it all started with this man. In 1936, while average Americans were searching for full time work and mourning the loss of Bonnie and Clyde, Jack LaLanne was opening up a fitness center in California. While the Okies were starving to death in California, Jack LaLanne was telling people "if your food tastes good, spit it out." I suspect had conditions in the U.S. remained the same for another decade, Jack LaLanne might have remained just another California crack-pot suffering from too much heat. But alas, the prosperity of the post-war 1950s landed Americans with luxury, resources, and televisions. Jack LaLanne had a TV show, a few households had microwave ovens, and the fast-food industry was born. With each decade of progress, Americans have become more self-absorbed and obsessed. And as first educators of our children, we are passing our obsessions on.

Just like most Christians, our own family is not immune to food/health obsession. Throughout my adult life I've battled with a variety of health issues, including eating properly. There have been times where both of us were working outside the home and in those times, we depended heavily on fast or convenience foods. We've also, on occasion, had to struggle with the rising costs of fresh produce while we pay our bills. We've dealt with picky eaters, children with a sweet-tooth, and over dependence on fast food. We've argued with doctors over the size of our babies and what foods they eat or don't eat. We've worried over our family histories of high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, and cancer. We've struggled with our own sins—pride, gluttony, greed, and anger. Through it all we've tried to keep our focus on Jesus—His strength, His Word, and His hope.

Yes, our bodies are the temple of the Lord. As such, the Holy Spirit dwells in us and our bodies belong to God. We have a duty, then, to take care of our bodies as best we can, in our circumstances. For our family, that means we try to eat a variety of foods. More importantly, we make every effort to eat at home, together, around our huge kitchen table. For us, it's more than just the food, since most of the time, some child is picking over the peas or piling ketchup on the pork chops. We talk about our days, things we read on the news, laugh at the 3 year olds jokes, or listen to Grandma as she revisits something from her childhood. With our meals, we thank God for His blessings and are reminded that our very sustenance comes, not from what we can do for ourselves, but from God alone.

In a few days, I will be making Christmas cookies with the children. I assure you, they will not be healthy. They'll be full of sugar and some will be covered with chocolate. We'll make a huge mess, sing carols, and devour them. We'll talk about the Incarnation of Jesus, the Word made Flesh. We'll share some cookies with our neighbors and friends. The sweet treats probably won't be good for our bodies, but they'll certainly be good for our spirits.

It is not what enters one's mouth that defiles that person; but what comes out of the mouth is what defiles one….For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, unchastity, theft, false witness, blasphemy. (Matthew 15:11,19)

The Ins and Outs of Potty Training

My desire to post about potty training stems from several posts of a friend on Facebook. My friend was frustrated with her three-year-old boy who liked the idea of big-boy underwear, but didn’t seem to grasp the concept that going to the potty went along with the new BVDs. One of her friends posted something about learning “the ins and outs of potty training,” which started a string of thoughts and ideas and feelings that I wanted to express.

But my comments were both too lengthy and too serious for a venue like Facebook. So, I discussed my ideas with dear wife, who reviews my posts as I review hers. She immediately questioned, “What’s potty training have to do with Christianity?”

I knew she was going to ask that! She never lets me get away with anything! But, like a wily teenager, I had anticipated her question. “Didn’t you read somewhere recently that the average age of potty training has shifted younger since the 1950’s? That parents used to potty train at around age 3-4, but now it’s more like 1-2?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she responded.

“Do you think you could find that reference?” I queried.

“I might,” she replied, then paused a moment and continued, “But that still doesn’t answer what potty-training has to do with Christianity?”

Sounding like a Bush cabinet member, I replied, “Traditional Christian values.” That was a fair response, though cliché.

She reluctantly conceded, then pressed: “But how does potty training relate to raising Christian children?”

My second response was even shakier. Sounding like a Freudian, I said, “The first time most kids learn about discipline is during potty training. Potty training sets the tone for any further education on self-discipline, morals, and values.” I waited for the loud thunderclap that seems to follow any time I express a flash of psychological theory into our conversations.

“It’s a stretch,” she said. “Write it if you must.”

But my thoughts on the subject of potty training were quite complicated. I kept thinking about an essay by philosopher Martin Heidegger, “The Question Concerning Technology,” in which Heidegger argued that we moderns see everything in terms of technology. With this manner of thinking in mind, the “ins and outs” of potty training became, to me, an industrial or even computer metaphor for raising one’s children. What goes into the machine/computer/child thus has a direct impact on what comes out. Control the raw materials/data/nutrition that goes in and one can control the output. This, of course, is a rather explicit interpretation of the phrase, “ins and outs.” Generally, the phrase can also mean developing a deeper understanding of the subject such as “knowing the subject inside and out.” In either case, whether one’s understanding is explicit or general, Heidegger’s observation can be aptly applied to the subject of potty training. For many modern parents, teaching their children to use the toilet is a problem to be solved. Potty training becomes a science that requires carefully administered techniques and interventions. These modern parents may even buy a book instructing them on how to potty train.

I should note here that it may seem odd to refer to an atheistic philosopher in a blog on Christian parenting. In defense of Heidegger, though, I would say that the German atheist provided an inroad to understanding Christianity in so far and Christianity is essentially an ancient practice. Heidegger understood the difference between how moderns think and how ancients thought. Heidegger can be instructive because, in many respects, for a modern person to become a Christian is a project of learning to think like an ancient person. Specifically, this means thinking about one’s children not in technological terms, but in terms of love and character. To the modern way of thinking, children are like clay that needs to be shaped, molded, and formed. To an ancient manner of thought, children are like acorns that will grow into the people the Creator made them to be.

This distinction can be quite apparent when it comes to potty training. A modern way of looking at toilet training is that the children, like domestic pets, require parental involvement to develop the ability to control their bladder and bowels. A more ancient way of looking at the subject is to recognize that children—as human beings, distinct from the animal kingdom—will naturally develop the ability to control their digestive output as a process of reasoning and natural inclination. Granted, even to the ancients, the children may require some degree of parental discipline or instruction, but overall the process occurs as a development of their essential nature. The most important aspect of potty training to parents who think like ancients is staying out of the way and waiting for the child to be ready.

Of course, most contemporary parents have the added complication of daycare when it comes to potty training. Parents may have the patience to wait for the 3-year-old boy to come around and develop control, but their daycare provider is likely to become weary of an untrained toddler. For this reason, parents and providers have striven to train toddlers at younger and younger ages. They create eating schedules and potty schedules, all in an attempt to gain control of the child’s bladder and bowels. They can be quite successful. But, to me, it often seems more like the parents are the ones being trained and the children would merely resort to their own inclinations in the absence of the routine and structure.

Since I first wanted to write about this topic several weeks ago, dear wife and I have had several conversations on this topic, and she has realized there was actually more to the topic than appeared at first. The insights about potty training also apply to a variety of modern trends in parenting, from early reading and math instruction to no child left behind. Modern society has forgotten that children are a blessing from God-- that each child is unique, and that parents should learn to appreciate each child’s God-given proclivities. Parenting is more than any science or art form; parenting is an act of love and an expression of character.

P.S. The actual history of potty training is complex and uncertain, having multiple influencing factors and mostly anecdotal evidence. Nonetheless, it seems to me that the scientific approach to potty training is uniquely modern and potentially dehumanizing.